Ah yes. Disastrous economy, great financial sector regulation (all those folks that went to jail for slew of corruption charges and rate rigging), foreign policy - world is much safer now, thank you. Excellent progress, I must say!
You're lucky the price of oil dropped so dramatically these past few months, or you'd never be able to include that (hilarious that you do) as "progress" considering the burning of fossil fuels actually goes against your progressive desire for alternative energy, but hey - let's not let facts get in the way of a good fucking comical speech!
Isn't there an air filter or thermostat that needs your attention right about now? Or have you retired from your incredible income as a technician already?