Yukoner's 2015 Psychological Journal
- Thread starter Yukoner
- Start date
First, thank you for the feedback. Invaluable that a successful trader would share their roadmap history. In a nutshell, I need to lose the bias... I need to stick with the trading plan... and I need to just stay neutral throughout the day.
The frustrating thing is I can see what to do so clearly, and without a doubt there is positive expectancy in my trading plan. For some reason, I just can't stay calm and neutral... like you mention, perhaps using the markets for entertainment... but I think I may be getting closer to what the issue is.
In part, I may be putting unrealistic expectations on myself with my trading plan. When you go live with TST, your first 10 days trading has to be net profitable and after that the balance can never go below 0. So your first 10 days live, is very critical. I have patterned my daytrading plan based on that approach, because you don't get 15 or 30 days... you get 10. Like you said before, most traders would give their left nut to make $200 a day consistently... and big part of why I am going for more, is because of that 10 day rule... so in a way, I am trading P&L. Hard to stay neutral.
Going to do a lot of thinking this weekend, and one concern is the possibility of developing bad habits doing this type of trading. Thanks again.
@jsmacksem I don't have a rule, but I plan to incorporate that in my trading plan. Once up over $500 for the day, I don't want to give back more than 50% or I stop trading.
As for the lost limit, once I hit my trailing max drawdown then the loss limit didn't matter because either way I hadn't meet their objectives. So I tried to swing for the fences a bit. I knew what I was doing, but the problem is the bad habit that creates. I had previously considered that, and my plan was just to trade normally if that happened... but in that emotionally charged (pissed off) situation, I disregarded my plan. So yea, my mind was in conflict.
Thanks @NoDoji I sincerely appreciate the help and honest feedback. No excuse for not having stops in. I have to learn to trade like you say, and disregard the monkey.
Your other point about the DOM is well taken... in review, I realized I had paid too much attention to the DOM. I'll use it to enter based on my chart context and trading methodology (scalping entry) but my exits are based on my trading plan.
Obviously not ready to trade at this level... yet... but this is why I am doing this, to get better.
Agreed!
For some reason, it became more important to me not to take a loss than it did to trade correctly. Frankly, I shouldn't have even been trading during that time. That is the problem in a nutshell... orphan mentality. Something I have to change.
It's almost like the kid who tears open the cocoon cause he wants to see the butterfly. I just want to pass this combine and go to live trading, yet I wasn't content to just sit with the plan... delayed gratification wasn't good enough for me... I wanted it now, or this week, or this month.
But @Redneck I am pruning, I am going to do this, I will change. It may not seem like progress, but it is. Thanks again for your support! (and bluntness!)
Hi, Yukoner.
I was reading your journals, I saw that you pass the combine (by the way congratulations) it is a dream for me been founded I hope some day I can get it.
I write you because I would like to know, if its not problem (may be is not the thread but was impossible to write you a PM) which is the procces that came after you pass the combine? I mean you said something about Live trading prep. Sometimes I see that when the traders are founded they spend some time between the combine and been founded, I think TST gives not enough information about it I hope you can help me with it.
Thanks
I was reading your journals, I saw that you pass the combine (by the way congratulations) it is a dream for me been founded I hope some day I can get it.
I write you because I would like to know, if its not problem (may be is not the thread but was impossible to write you a PM) which is the procces that came after you pass the combine? I mean you said something about Live trading prep. Sometimes I see that when the traders are founded they spend some time between the combine and been founded, I think TST gives not enough information about it I hope you can help me with it.
Thanks
A melt down is regression - never progression
that said
===============
You want this - then act like it - every day..., every trade - and do your job
==============
One other thought;
The self-destructive behavior necessary to blow up / decimate / undermine - your account / your trading / you - is very much alive and well inside you - and will be always
Something you need to fully understand..., accept...., and account for - from this point on
For the record; similar self-destructive behavior also lives with in me - I'm at peace with this fact
RN
Lovely what you say above RN. The obvious question would be how you overcome it? Is it just as simple as saying you're going to act in your own best interests moving forward?
I remember reading somewhere that women who are in abusive relationships only leave once they have chosen to do what is necessary to leave because they want to. Offering help to women in this situation is usually effort on the part of the helper that is wasted until she herself makes the conscious effort to do something about it. I hope I'm not wrong with this, but this makes total sense to me.
Do you think self-destructive behavior is similar in that a person will stop doing this to themselves only once they "own" the realization that they no longer want to damage themselves?
(ie. Its a simple choice, and once you make the choice to not do it, you stop. If you continue with self destructive behavior, it simply means that you're not ready to stop damaging yourself yet, and perhaps continue to do so in an effort to reach rock bottom. As strange as it sounds, it does appear sometimes that people do want to see how far down they can go as opposed to seeing how high they can go. (and when I say people, I'm certainly not excluding myself!
))Self destructive behavior is within everyone - whether it's trading or elsewhere. You have to determine for yourself how much power you give it. Only then will things change.
UPDATE: - having taken 24 hours, and thought through all of this some more, plus rereading the comments in this journal, there are a few conclusions I have drawn:
1) I had gotten overconfident, and was starting to count the chickens before they hatched. Feeling like I had this, and was moving up another level. (In hindsight now, that seems ridiculous) So I was not neutral.
2) This one may be significant... I love trading... I sincerely enjoy the challenge... and @Handle123 comments really made me think more about this. I need to get to the point of loving the process of what I am doing... making widjets... and the $$ of trading is just a by product. So my focus needs to stay on the process, and the P&L is just the measuring stick of how successful the widget making is going. This isn't entertainment or Trader Disneyland, this is a job and my trading plan tells me what to do.
3) I really need to adjust my trading plan. More on the money management side of things, so that I get a smoother equity curve. I can't trade for Topstep's 10 day requirement... I just have to trade what I know is the right thing to do. So no more swinging for the fences... if I knock one out of the park, it is only because I just stepped up to bat and did what I was supposed to do. So having said that...
4) I need to decrease my loss limit. So considering it this weekend, and I will have it decided by Monday, that I will change from $1000 a day to only $500 a day. My rational is when I go back and look at my days, I get over a $500 drawdown and its just not a good day. I would be far better off to just stop, and wait for the next day.
5) My winning trades are fairly consistent at being about double the dollar amount of my losing trades. This is a positive.
6) I need to establish a trailing max drawdown for each trading day. An example, would be if I get over $500 profit for the day, I stop trading if it goes back down to $250.
7) I need to get comfortable with the fact that inside me every day, like @Redneck says, is the self-destructive behavior necessary to blow up your account. I knew that was possible, but wrongly assumed it would eventually go away as one becomes a better and better trader.
Monday I am set to start a new combine.
1) I had gotten overconfident, and was starting to count the chickens before they hatched. Feeling like I had this, and was moving up another level. (In hindsight now, that seems ridiculous) So I was not neutral.
2) This one may be significant... I love trading... I sincerely enjoy the challenge... and @Handle123 comments really made me think more about this. I need to get to the point of loving the process of what I am doing... making widjets... and the $$ of trading is just a by product. So my focus needs to stay on the process, and the P&L is just the measuring stick of how successful the widget making is going. This isn't entertainment or Trader Disneyland, this is a job and my trading plan tells me what to do.
3) I really need to adjust my trading plan. More on the money management side of things, so that I get a smoother equity curve. I can't trade for Topstep's 10 day requirement... I just have to trade what I know is the right thing to do. So no more swinging for the fences... if I knock one out of the park, it is only because I just stepped up to bat and did what I was supposed to do. So having said that...
4) I need to decrease my loss limit. So considering it this weekend, and I will have it decided by Monday, that I will change from $1000 a day to only $500 a day. My rational is when I go back and look at my days, I get over a $500 drawdown and its just not a good day. I would be far better off to just stop, and wait for the next day.
5) My winning trades are fairly consistent at being about double the dollar amount of my losing trades. This is a positive.
6) I need to establish a trailing max drawdown for each trading day. An example, would be if I get over $500 profit for the day, I stop trading if it goes back down to $250.
7) I need to get comfortable with the fact that inside me every day, like @Redneck says, is the self-destructive behavior necessary to blow up your account. I knew that was possible, but wrongly assumed it would eventually go away as one becomes a better and better trader.
Monday I am set to start a new combine.