Yukoner's 2015 Psychological Journal

Day #17 - Slept well, and started the day off with an added step to my pre-market routine. This was my form of meditation. I heard FT71 say that he makes it a requirement for all of his prop traders to meditate, and so I have decided to add that to my pre-market routine with the goal of just being in a calmer place prior to trading.

I went into the day trying to be as detached as I could be and stay as an observer, yet execute the trades when I was supposed to. I found this very difficult, as I struggled with a fear of taking trades. (I recall one trade when I was in a place of observing, and I saw the signal and just calmly took the trade)

So in that state of fear, it was very difficult to trade. I would stop, try to get back to neutral, and then continue to trade. I would put trades on in the right area, and they would be winners, but I would intervene and cut them short. I was up about $240 for the day, and I just took a break. I knew this wasn't the right place to trade from. I had to try and get myself to that place of just making widgets.

(The kind of stuff going through my head was concern about the first day of this combine. About being important to have a winning day. About not giving back my profit.)

I took a long break, close to 60 minutes, and then I came back in to the day trying again to trade from that place of impartiality. At one point I considered just stopping for the day with the profit that I had, but I was really trying to learn to trade from a place of detachment.

During the day I also had wrote down some of my thoughts about the market, and the time when I was writing them. Just quick one liners. Found it helped to write it down on paper. This is something I want to keep doing.

All in all, up until the final few minutes of the trading day (ie. pit close), I would say that I did okay and stuck with the plan. Even when the trades didn't work out. But then into the close, I let the DOM action influence me, and again prematurely closed out trades.

I could seriously feel myself getting frustrated, and at one point just felt like clicking the whole DOM over and over again until I was maxed out. (Crazy feeling, I know!) So I stopped... I breathed... I reminded myself of my new daily loss limit... I knew I wasn't in the right head space. At that moment I was choked I had let a winning day turn into a losing day.... that is what was going through my head. But I realize now, that was just a symptom, the truth was that I was upset I hadn't traded well.... I hadn't stuck with the process as much as I should have. It was an internal struggle most of the day.
Note: the next time I feel that frustration, I need to get up and walk away from the computer.

Now the things I did very well today:
1) Never added to a losing position
2) Always had a stop in
3) Even though I was fearful, I added to a winning trade exactly like I was supposed to.
4) I stayed aware
5) I consistently worked at trying to get in that place of neutral observation.

-392
 
Yukoner said:
Day #17 - Slept well, and started the day off with an added step to my pre-market routine. This was my form of meditation. I heard FT71 say that he makes it a requirement for all of his prop traders to meditate, and so I have decided to add that to my pre-market routine with the goal of just being in a calmer place prior to trading.

I went into the day trying to be as detached as I could be and stay as an observer, yet execute the trades when I was supposed to. I found this very difficult, as I struggled with a fear of taking trades. (I recall one trade when I was in a place of observing, and I saw the signal and just calmly took the trade)

So in that state of fear, it was very difficult to trade. I would stop, try to get back to neutral, and then continue to trade. I would put trades on in the right area, and they would be winners, but I would intervene and cut them short. I was up about $240 for the day, and I just took a break. I knew this wasn't the right place to trade from. I had to try and get myself to that place of just making widgets.

(The kind of stuff going through my head was concern about the first day of this combine. About being important to have a winning day. About not giving back my profit.)

I took a long break, close to 60 minutes, and then I came back in to the day trying again to trade from that place of impartiality. At one point I considered just stopping for the day with the profit that I had, but I was really trying to learn to trade from a place of detachment.

During the day I also had wrote down some of my thoughts about the market, and the time when I was writing them. Just quick one liners. Found it helped to write it down on paper. This is something I want to keep doing.

All in all, up until the final few minutes of the trading day (ie. pit close), I would say that I did okay and stuck with the plan. Even when the trades didn't work out. But then into the close, I let the DOM action influence me, and again prematurely closed out trades.

I could seriously feel myself getting frustrated, and at one point just felt like clicking the whole DOM over and over again until I was maxed out. (Crazy feeling, I know!) So I stopped... I breathed... I reminded myself of my new daily loss limit... I knew I wasn't in the right head space. At that moment I was choked I had let a winning day turn into a losing day.... that is what was going through my head. But I realize now, that was just a symptom, the truth was that I was upset I hadn't traded well.... I hadn't stuck with the process as much as I should have. It was an internal struggle most of the day.
Note: the next time I feel that frustration, I need to get up and walk away from the computer.

Now the things I did very well today:
1) Never added to a losing position
2) Always had a stop in
3) Even though I was fearful, I added to a winning trade exactly like I was supposed to.
4) I stayed aware
5) I consistently worked at trying to get in that place of neutral observation.

-392
More...
We all get what we usually deserve, and buddy you are. Your inner self is saying time to quit, but nooooooo, you greedy pig inside won't do the correct thing and walk away. It is hard to overcome the greedy pig. Here is what you do tomorrow, trade two lots from the get go, all or nothing on exits, this way you either do well and quit earlier or lose and get it over.

You taking 60 minutes off, you might as well stay off, brain is saying it doesn't want to trade but piggly wiggly wants to force it.
 
"I could seriously feel myself getting frustrated, and at one point just felt like clicking the whole DOM over and over again "

dude, it's right there

whatever the trigger, you need to embrace it, own it. are you not okay with losing? Being unmoved, and patience, is the name of the game. Do not suffer from poor impulse control. Ego.
 
Last edited:
Handle123 said:
We all get what we usually deserve, and buddy you are. Your inner self is saying time to quit, but nooooooo, you greedy pig inside won't do the correct thing and walk away. It is hard to overcome the greedy pig. Here is what you do tomorrow, trade two lots from the get go, all or nothing on exits, this way you either do well and quit earlier or lose and get it over.

You taking 60 minutes off, you might as well stay off, brain is saying it doesn't want to trade but piggly wiggly wants to force it.
More...

@Handle123 I hear you. So tomorrow you are my boss, what else do you tell me?
 
Yukoner said:
Handle123

I hear you.

So tomorrow you are my boss, what else do you tell me?
More...


Your ex is your boss

Your emotions are your boss

Your PnL is your boss

The mkt is your boss

The combine is your boss


Now you’re asking H123 to be yet another boss



What the hell happened to you doing your job..., to you being the only boss

Nut up for Christ sakes

=============================

Better still – take a few days off and regroup / reset

Based on your trading Friday and today

You’re not in any sort of proper trading mind set..., nor are you in any way - in control of you..., or your trading


Make no mistake - today was as much a meltdown as Friday's


RN
 
Yukoner said:
@Handle123 I hear you. So tomorrow you are my boss, what else do you tell me?
More...
I am not your boss nor want to as I would have fired you by now !!!
I have a staff who trade for me, they had to endure sitting with me for months, I am not a good boss to work, I can be a real s.o.b., but hey, it is my money on the line, I am not going to be warm and fuzzy when they are not doing the rules, I can care less if they make or lose money, they do the rules in my Trading Plan, the account goers up, plain and simple. I didn't hire them to change the rules, matter of fact, half of what they do is program my rules for automation, they understand what trading is about after four years, it is about performing the same each day, each trade. It is a bitch to shut off one part of the brain and maintain no thinking and just reacting to set of rules.

But you violate rules everyday, if there is any changes in you, I really don't see them.
You doing the Combine to be your own boss, right?
Concentrate on each trade, was it a perfect trade executed? If not, you done for the day. Next trade, was it a perfect trade executed? If not, you done for the day.
Next trade, was it a perfect trade executed? If not, you done for the day.
Next trade, was it a perfect trade executed? If not, you done for the day.
Reason it is best to not overtrade cause concentrated wears down to execution tires.
 
Day #18 - Unbelievable.... a repeat of yesterday. Built it up, and gave it all away. Couldn't just stop, and call it quits. That wasn't good enough.

Went into the day taking the advice of @Handle123 and focusing on perfect trade execution (thank you for that). My pre-analysis for the day was spot on... I put on good trades... but kept fighting with this stupid feeling like I should be making more, I should be getting more. What I was doing, just wasn't good enough. Gave it all away in the last 20 minutes of trading, and then some. Broke my personal loss limit trying to make it back. Lost my focus. Just a fricking meltdown!

Taking @Redneck 's advice and stopping for the rest of the week. Something is happening, and I am obviously not qualified to trade right now.

How in the world could I screw up such a great trading day? My working assumptions were bang on, I put the trades on, and then going into the close I just lost it. It is like I don't want to make it... doesn't matter what the profit amount is, it just isn't good enough for me.

*#@& me

-870


-
 
dude seriously, you area making it so difficult, the pressure of a combine, the DOM (hell I have trouble watching two screens at once), adding on (this should really be tested, adds another level of difficulty and can hurt profits, should be saved for a later time)

just go pure primordial, I find lower time frames drive me crazy too much information, keep it simple. One thing, just reading all the complex ways people trade on the forums (most with limited or no success) can lead you off the beaten path, suck you in, cloud your mind, keep it simple, that's all that is needed.

S4L
 
Sounds like a very good day and then ". Gave it all away in the last 20 minutes of trading"
Most of your posts: things-are-great-then-a-tiny-black-swan-appears (it's a surprise, it has a major effect, rationalized by hindsight).
At the risk of repeating myself, this sounds like poor impulse control. Terms such as 'meltdown' etc.
You are very lucky to have a trading coach, but, is it time for a new one based on your trading outcomes.

I really wish you the best of luck, nothing better than to see you succeed at this. "master yourself, and you'll be ready to win the fight."
 
I actually had problems "after" I had demonstrated to myself I could make a living at trading, I grew up very poor and on top of that Catholic, plus going to their grade school, so you have tons of "Thou will learn or we will beat the demons out of you" concept, what happens are all sorts of problems, you hate school, A- is never good enough, you detest anyone in authority and it better to give till you are broke, of course the church is very rich and most who attend are broke. So in back of your mind is you are not deserving of any kind of wealth. I don't know your childhood, your challenges remain tucked in that time area most likely. Until you can find what is holding you back, there really is no future moving on.

Only way to get over this is dozen sessions of hypnosis, I still get 2-3 a year for that and other problems.
 
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