your self image as portrayed in these posts reeks of guilt,this is a rearing method i grew up with, i don't know your age but i assume your mentors overdid it,nothin wrong with that , pretty common actually,but at some point you need to give it up, some of the things we learn growing up and hold as truths to live by arent true at all, just something taught to children, who grow up, don't change and teach to their children and so on. Your neighbor, the guy at the bar,gym,golfcourse,the market.... don't give 2 shits that you bought 35 and sold 27 or vice verca, it doesnt matter to anyone but you. It shouldn't matter to you either. I am a lousy golfer,so when i hit a bad shot,usually the short one up to or onto the green, and the put,i dont worrry about it before or after,and go on to the next hole. Your trading should be the same way. Once a trade is over ,move on to the next one, think of all your trades as a big collage of trades with an end result. Its just a game,realizing that will allow you to not give a shit about the small stuff (yourself)and concentrate on the big picture,your account.
Through the Looking Glass
- Thread starter illiquid
- Start date
AbsolutelyIlliquid,
First let me start off by saying; I will be essentially saying, albeit in a very wordy way, exactly what Ammo has already said â most all of it â you, me, whatever â is just plain ole small shit â and needs to be discarded when we tradeâ¦
But I will attempt to connect some dots and maybe provide a path for you to get to the point where it is all small shitâ¦
To Ammo & my other colleagues / friends â critique the hell out of this and if you find where Iâve misstated something â or it does not make sense â call me on it please
To any detractors;
Before someone pops off and says something to the affect â oh look RN is posting some feel good crap
a.) I go into the market everyday to take your money
b.) You screw up â Iâll cut you off at the knees â and not give it a second thought
c.) I screw up you will cut me off at the knees â and take my money
d.) Anyone out there want to volunteer to be my best friend and pony up my losses during trading hours, and/ or hold my hand while I trade
Somehow I just donât think itâs gonna happenâ¦..
So if we traders are not our own best friend - our own staunchest advocate, our own dispassionate (unbiased/ objective) observer, and our own strictest disciplinarian â then just who the hell will be?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay letâs get goingâ¦.
Our only goal with regard to trading â make as much money as we can â while losing as little as possible
Everything we think, believe, know, or do â as a trader â either supports our goal, or is excess (and obviously unnecessary) baggage
To this end there always needs to be two sides working in unison â our system/ approach/ methodology, (aka our framework) â and you (or me as the case may be)
Framework we got â so letâs focus on arguably the more important part â you (or me)â¦.
You â as a person
Make friends with your self â we all need a friend we can trust completely when weâre trading
And btw if you took your current best friend â I would bet a sizable amount of money he/ she has at least one â if not a few â habits/ traits you just donât like (flaws) â but youâre friends with them nonetheless⦠Youâve accepted their flaws â granted you may not like them â but you have got past them just the sameâ¦
So why the hell should you be any different when becoming your own friend⦠you donât have to like everything about you â you just need to accept it â and move on
You, me, any of us â weâre not perfect â accept that⦠And once you accept weâre (you, me all of us) are not perfect â then we must also accept the faults that make us imperfectâ¦
If we have something that needs fixed (a flaw we donât like) then we should fix it â and move on⦠Otherwise we should just accept it â and move onâ¦
After all what other choice is there â relive it day after day â thatâs about useless
So bottom line is if you want to change one or more of whatever flaws you have then go for it, otherwise just accept the damn things, set em aside, and move on⦠They donât mean shit (Iâve got plenty â do you really care â I donât â neither does the market)
To be certain our faults will never define us â our actions always will
Enough about thatâ¦..
Talk with yourself â more importantly listen closely without judging â thatâs what a friend does isnât it?
Also accept you are human, and as such you have an inherent and undeniable emotional side which occasionally needs fed/ nurtured â so feed it â off market hours of course⦠I doâ¦
Because if you donât make time and take the effort â I can guarantee your emotions will pick the absolute damn worst time to feed off you â while you are tradingâ¦
Now do I give mine a bottle every day and sing them a lullaby â no â but I will not ignore them ether â unless for some reason I get the urge to hear the market sing âIâm gonna f@$k youâ over and over in my head while Iâm trading â No Thanksâ¦
This btw is another one of those phenomenonâs â the more attention I give my human/ emotional side â the less it needs â and the quieter it remains
Oh and btw for the self professed robots â we all have a human/ emotional side â like it or not⦠To think otherwise means youâre denying reality (that youâre human) â and so that makes youâre full of shit to boot (not meant toward you Illiquid)
So give yourself a break; and give yourself time â while away from the market â to just hang out with youâ¦.
In a nutshell â get and keep the human side of Illiquid in order, so when its time to be a trader â you can temporarily and very easily set aside the human/ emotional side â and go about the business of tradingâ¦..
Knowing full well during off market hours you will come back and give yourself all the time you need â for whatever
So did I really just say people can cease to be people â no â I am saying people can set aside their human/ emotional side â and go about the business at handâ¦.
Examples
Medical professionals â obviously have a human / emotional side⦠but when a sick / injured person comes in â they set aside their human / emotional side â and go about the business at handâ¦
Military professionals â same thing â obviously have a human / emotional side, but when itâs time to go about the business of killing â they set aside their human / emotional side â and go about the business at handâ¦
Airline pilots before a crash, police officers, firefighters, construction workers⦠the list goes on and on and onâ¦..
Weâre no different â and just like these folks â we need our dedicated down time to rest, recoup, and feed our inner self â so when it time to go about the business at hand â weâre able
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Illiquid â we (your colleagues here) will never judge you, we (you included) are all on the same side of the looking glass â the side where most long to be, but few will ever get...
To say weâre not egotistical, not self assured to the point of being downright cocky, not cut throat, nor greedy would be plain wrong â I would even venture to say there are probably a few of us who even doubt we deserve it â but we doâ¦
It would be just as wrong for you to say you donât deserve to be here⦠that you donât deserve the money.. You took the chance, just like the rest of us â youâve worked you ass off, just like the rest of us â you face the day to day crap the market dishes out, just like the rest of usâ¦
It is time to get the hell out of your own way, quit sweating the small shit, and enjoy the rideâ¦
So I am saying exactly what Ammo has already said â most all of it â you, me, what we think, how we view ourselves, whatever â just plain doesnât matterâ¦
My two main messages;
Become your own best friend, be honest with yourself, learn to trust yourself, learn to accept your flaws â we all got em â and learn to set whatever flaws you have aside â they donât matter..⦠(if you need to work on them - do so off hours â youâll end up better for it Iâm certain)
Second â realize with regard to being a trader â none of it matters â simply focus on making all the money you can â while losing the least you can
Hope this helps shed some light Sir
RN
First let me start off by saying; I will be essentially saying, albeit in a very wordy way, exactly what Ammo has already said â most all of it â you, me, whatever â is just plain ole small shit â and needs to be discarded when we tradeâ¦
But I will attempt to connect some dots and maybe provide a path for you to get to the point where it is all small shitâ¦
To Ammo & my other colleagues / friends â critique the hell out of this and if you find where Iâve misstated something â or it does not make sense â call me on it please
To any detractors;
Before someone pops off and says something to the affect â oh look RN is posting some feel good crap
a.) I go into the market everyday to take your money
b.) You screw up â Iâll cut you off at the knees â and not give it a second thought
c.) I screw up you will cut me off at the knees â and take my money
d.) Anyone out there want to volunteer to be my best friend and pony up my losses during trading hours, and/ or hold my hand while I trade
Somehow I just donât think itâs gonna happenâ¦..
So if we traders are not our own best friend - our own staunchest advocate, our own dispassionate (unbiased/ objective) observer, and our own strictest disciplinarian â then just who the hell will be?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay letâs get goingâ¦.
Our only goal with regard to trading â make as much money as we can â while losing as little as possible
Everything we think, believe, know, or do â as a trader â either supports our goal, or is excess (and obviously unnecessary) baggage
To this end there always needs to be two sides working in unison â our system/ approach/ methodology, (aka our framework) â and you (or me as the case may be)
Framework we got â so letâs focus on arguably the more important part â you (or me)â¦.
You â as a person
Make friends with your self â we all need a friend we can trust completely when weâre trading
And btw if you took your current best friend â I would bet a sizable amount of money he/ she has at least one â if not a few â habits/ traits you just donât like (flaws) â but youâre friends with them nonetheless⦠Youâve accepted their flaws â granted you may not like them â but you have got past them just the sameâ¦
So why the hell should you be any different when becoming your own friend⦠you donât have to like everything about you â you just need to accept it â and move on
You, me, any of us â weâre not perfect â accept that⦠And once you accept weâre (you, me all of us) are not perfect â then we must also accept the faults that make us imperfectâ¦
If we have something that needs fixed (a flaw we donât like) then we should fix it â and move on⦠Otherwise we should just accept it â and move onâ¦
After all what other choice is there â relive it day after day â thatâs about useless
So bottom line is if you want to change one or more of whatever flaws you have then go for it, otherwise just accept the damn things, set em aside, and move on⦠They donât mean shit (Iâve got plenty â do you really care â I donât â neither does the market)
To be certain our faults will never define us â our actions always will
Enough about thatâ¦..
Talk with yourself â more importantly listen closely without judging â thatâs what a friend does isnât it?
Also accept you are human, and as such you have an inherent and undeniable emotional side which occasionally needs fed/ nurtured â so feed it â off market hours of course⦠I doâ¦
Because if you donât make time and take the effort â I can guarantee your emotions will pick the absolute damn worst time to feed off you â while you are tradingâ¦
Now do I give mine a bottle every day and sing them a lullaby â no â but I will not ignore them ether â unless for some reason I get the urge to hear the market sing âIâm gonna f@$k youâ over and over in my head while Iâm trading â No Thanksâ¦
This btw is another one of those phenomenonâs â the more attention I give my human/ emotional side â the less it needs â and the quieter it remains
Oh and btw for the self professed robots â we all have a human/ emotional side â like it or not⦠To think otherwise means youâre denying reality (that youâre human) â and so that makes youâre full of shit to boot (not meant toward you Illiquid)
So give yourself a break; and give yourself time â while away from the market â to just hang out with youâ¦.
In a nutshell â get and keep the human side of Illiquid in order, so when its time to be a trader â you can temporarily and very easily set aside the human/ emotional side â and go about the business of tradingâ¦..
Knowing full well during off market hours you will come back and give yourself all the time you need â for whatever
So did I really just say people can cease to be people â no â I am saying people can set aside their human/ emotional side â and go about the business at handâ¦.
Examples
Medical professionals â obviously have a human / emotional side⦠but when a sick / injured person comes in â they set aside their human / emotional side â and go about the business at handâ¦
Military professionals â same thing â obviously have a human / emotional side, but when itâs time to go about the business of killing â they set aside their human / emotional side â and go about the business at handâ¦
Airline pilots before a crash, police officers, firefighters, construction workers⦠the list goes on and on and onâ¦..
Weâre no different â and just like these folks â we need our dedicated down time to rest, recoup, and feed our inner self â so when it time to go about the business at hand â weâre able
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Illiquid â we (your colleagues here) will never judge you, we (you included) are all on the same side of the looking glass â the side where most long to be, but few will ever get...
To say weâre not egotistical, not self assured to the point of being downright cocky, not cut throat, nor greedy would be plain wrong â I would even venture to say there are probably a few of us who even doubt we deserve it â but we doâ¦
It would be just as wrong for you to say you donât deserve to be here⦠that you donât deserve the money.. You took the chance, just like the rest of us â youâve worked you ass off, just like the rest of us â you face the day to day crap the market dishes out, just like the rest of usâ¦
It is time to get the hell out of your own way, quit sweating the small shit, and enjoy the rideâ¦
So I am saying exactly what Ammo has already said â most all of it â you, me, what we think, how we view ourselves, whatever â just plain doesnât matterâ¦
My two main messages;
Become your own best friend, be honest with yourself, learn to trust yourself, learn to accept your flaws â we all got em â and learn to set whatever flaws you have aside â they donât matter..⦠(if you need to work on them - do so off hours â youâll end up better for it Iâm certain)
Second â realize with regard to being a trader â none of it matters â simply focus on making all the money you can â while losing the least you can
Hope this helps shed some light Sir
RN
Well thisâll be differentâ¦.
When away from the market (this is just a snip it btw)
First what I donât doâ¦
Let one or a series of trades ever define who I am
Get caught up in the never-ending hyperbole, egotism, self absorb bs engulfing this business
Listen to news, opinions, pundits, whatever
What I do
Sit quietly and think
Talk to myself and listen
Listen to Baroque music or a CD with rain sounds and Tibetan gongs to relax (although I listen to a wide variety of music)
Compose poetry â and I suck at it big time
Exercise â but not nearly enough
Build and race cars (just dirt â nothing exotic or nascar-ish/ pavement)
Fish/ hunt/ water ski (getting kind of old for the skiing though)
Along with my wonderful my Wife â raise a couple of teenagers â and drive them all nuts in the process
Hang out here
What it really boils down to â is finding and deriving my understanding, peace, relaxation, joy, excitement, fun, competition, fulfillment, entertainment, companionship, whatever⦠from everywhere â except the market
The market is where I go to work⦠And as we all know work is a four letter word â or more appropriately (I believe) â a grind
Take Care
RN
RN,
I want to thank you wholeheartedly for what you've written and apologize for the delayed response. Your post cuts right to the heart of the issue; anyone who's been at this for a number of years will recognize the sincere and simple honesty in your words.
What struck me most directly was your point about taking care of oneself outside the market in order to flourish within it; it never occurred to me to think of trading as a profession where one must separate a part of himself to function optimally, as would a doctor or soldier. But it's dead on, and pretty much what I've been missing from the start. Instead, I've been bringing everything to the table with each market session and placing my emotions and ego on the line to twist along with my P/L. I've always known this was a problem, but never knew how to look at things in the proper light to begin addressing the situation until now. To expect the market to provide anything beyond what's in your bank account is outright hazardous; it will give and take indiscriminately and willfully whatever else you allow to be dependent upon it.
I'm still in the midst of digesting everything you wrote. It's not an easy thing to finally accept what you thought you wanted was never there in the first place. It's something I've always suspected, but thought impossible to bear if true. For the first time, it feels OK to start from there. I know it will take a long time to rebuild within a newfound framework. But once you realize how ill-begotten and lopsided the present structure is, it's easy to see where to aim the first blow with the sledgehammer. Thanks again for pointing me in the right direction.