Jokes

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Two buddies having a beer.

"Hey. Gotta axe you a question (they were in NYC.). The other day, I was buying a ticket to Pittsburgh, and the girl at the counter just mesmerized me. Instead of Saying, "first class Pittsburgh, I say, first class, titsburg. I was so embarrassed. She was upset........... Anything like that ever happen to you?"

"Funny you bring that up. Just this morning........ We're having breakfast, me and Becky, and I mean to say, "pass the Cornflakes"

"Yeah, and........."

" and what comes outta my mouth is , "thanks a lot, bitch, for ruining my fucking life."
 
Quote from max401:

Harlem, to be more specific.
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Brooklyn too.

A nurse walks into a bank. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a
rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.
She looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing beat, says,
"Well, that's great.....that's really great.... Some asshole has my
pen!"
 
One day as maw was getting off the couch, her dressed was slightly up and she had no underpants on and her son got a peek at her crotch and turned to paw and said "Paw, what was that?"

He said "Son, that's where you maw got hit with an ax."

"Wow, got her right in the cunt."
 
Aren't There Any More Clean Jokes?

One day a cowboy riding the plains, came upon a warrior with his head down on the ground with his ear on a wagon track. The warrior looked up at the cowboy and said "Wagon with two horses, one brown, one white, man with beard drive, smoke pipe, woman ride holding rifle, wear blue dress with bonnet..."

The cowboy looked at the warrior and said "That's amazing... you mean you can tell me all that by just listening to a wagon track? Not even something metallic like a railroad track or telegraph wire?"

The warrior looked back up and replied, "No! Run over me half hour ago... took my horse too..."

:) :) :)
 
Quote from Yannis:

Aren't There Any More Clean Jokes?

One day a cowboy riding the plains, came upon a warrior with his head down on the ground with his ear on a wagon track. The warrior looked up at the cowboy and said "Wagon with two horses, one brown, one white, man with beard drive, smoke pipe, woman ride holding rifle, wear blue dress with bonnet..."

The cowboy looked at the warrior and said "That's amazing... you mean you can tell me all that by just listening to a wagon track? Not even something metallic like a railroad track or telegraph wire?"

The warrior looked back up and replied, "No! Run over me half hour ago... took my horse too..."

:) :) :)
More...

No, and this is why.:D
 
clean........
Mining camp, the boss is handing out assignments. "murphy, scheduling, Jones, air purity, and so on. Chang, the Chinaman speaks up, "what about us? You no give us job." " Oh, yeah, I forgot I guess. Tell you what, you and your crew handle supplies." All excited, they prepare for the next day.

First light, everybody shows up, no Chinamen. All of the sudden, with party hats and noisemakers, they jump up,

"SUPPLIES!!!!!"
(works if you've had a case of beer in under an hour.

Not clean:

About forty or fifty years ago, truckers endured long stretches of bad roads, and the hashhouses were known to provide other comforts for these road warriors who were out long periods of time. One of these hearty souls stopped at one such establishment, and over his meal inquired about pleasures of the flesh. The counter man, obviously a coowner, said all the girls had quit for lack of decent money. But, as he pointed to the busboy, he said a lot of guys went for Wong, the Chinaman. "What, that old guy? Are you crazy? I don't go for that shit." "Ok, Ok, relax. sorry I mentioned it."

After his meal, having a smoke, the trucker reconsiders. It's a long way home for him. "Hey, buddy, the Chinaman." " Yeah
I thought you didn't go for that shit." " Just shuddup. How much." "Fifty bucks."

"What???!!!?? Fifty Bucks for that old Chinaman.???""

"No, it's no fifty bucks for "that ole Chinaman. He doesnt' get the money. The fifty bucks is for me and my partner. We hold Wong down for you. See, Wong don't go for that shit either."
 
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