Jokes 2

Quote from fhl:

A Buddhist monk, visiting New York City for the first time, walked up to a hot dog vendor, handed him a twenty dollar bill, and said, “Make me one with everything.”

The vendor pocketed the money, and handed the Buddhist monk his hot dog. The monk, after waiting for a moment, asked for his change. The vendor looked at him and said, “Change comes from within.”

The monk walked away.
Loved this one, bravo! :)
 
Not your typical Blonde Joke. . .

"THE BLONDE AND THE COW"

A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy,

'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial
insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one right here.'

The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blonde, asks, 'Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?'

'That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall,' she explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the nail for?'

The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, 'I guess it's to hang your pants on.'
 
Google is pretty funny. Apparently there is a serious widespread medical condition:

<img src=http://www.elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&postid=2588138>
 

Attachments

Crude, but don't tell me you didn't laugh.

IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY

The term "Nigger Rigged" is no longer acceptable.

It will henceforth be referred to as a "Presidential Solution".

Thank You
 
Bad Alpha Male

Doctor: I’m sorry to have to tell you that you have a bad case of rabies, and it's often fatal.

Patient: Well, doctor, I see... Please give me pencil and paper.

Doctor: To make your will?

Patient: No, to make a list of people I want to bite!

:) :) :)
 
A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster: Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers.

Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared. The man somewhat nervously said: "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him."

"Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "the hens are round the back."
 
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