Jokes 2

Bernankruptcy \Ber”nank”rupt*cy\, n.

1. The state of being actually or legally bankrupt due to Fed Chairman Ben S. Bernanke’s monetary policy "Don't worry, be happy".

2. The act or process of becoming a bankrupt because the "subprime mess is largely contained".

3. Complete loss; — followed by. “Bernanke’s green shoots destroyed my portfolio, forcing me to declare ‘Bernakruptcy’.”

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Obama, who made the announcement during his vacation in Massachusetts, praised Bernanke’s conduct of monetary policy.

According to Obama, Bernanke said.

"I continue to believe the troubles in the subprime sector on the broader housing market will likely be limited to every bank and neighborhood in the country. So, unless you have a savings account or you own a home, you should be just fine."
 
The Great Doctor

A bent-over old lady hobbled into a doctor's office. Within minutes, she came out again but miraculously, she was standing up as straight as could be.

A man in the waiting room who had been watching her said in amazement: "My goodness, what did the doctor do to you?"

The old lady replied, "He gave me a longer cane!"

:) :) :)
 
The Great Doctor (2)

Doctor : After examining your husband, I see that he needs rest and peace, a chance to relax and regain his strength after work. So, here are some sleeping pills.

Wife : Thanks Doc, when must I give them to him?

Doctor : No, no, they are for you!

:) :) :)
 
The Great Doctor (3)

A promising young doctor had moved into a small town and was setting up a new practice. He had a new sign painted and hung it in front of his office, proclaiming his specialties:

"Homosexuals & Hemorrhoids"

The town fathers were greatly upset with the sign and asked him please to change it. The Doctor was eager to please, so he put up a new sign:

"Queers & Rears"

The town fathers were really fuming about that one, so they demanded that the Doctor come up with a decent sign that would not offend the townspeople. So the Doctor finally came up with an acceptable sign:

"Odds & Ends"

:) :) :)
 
Dear Elite Trader

Please be advised that your Optirectomy operation is scheduled for 8:00 tomorrow morning. The purpose of this operation is to sever the cord that connects your eyes to your rectum and, hopefully, get rid of your s***ty outlook on life. It has been noted that you have been in less than perfect humor lately...

:) :) :)
 
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