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Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
Proper Grammar Lesson
On my 66th birthday, I got a gift certificate from my wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, I drove to the reservation, handed my ticket to the medicine man and wondered what would happen next.
The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to me, and with a grip on my shoulder, warned, "This is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3.' When you do that you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want."
I was encouraged. As I walked away I turned and asked "How do I stop the medicine from working?" "Your partner must say '1-2-3-4' he responded." "But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
I was very eager to see if it worked so I went home, showered, shaved, and took a spoonful of the medicine. Then I invited my wife to join me in the bedroom. When she came in I took off my clothes and said "1-2-3!"
Immediately I was the manliest of men. My wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes. Then she asked "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that boys and girls is why we should never end our sentences with the preposition!
On my 66th birthday, I got a gift certificate from my wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, I drove to the reservation, handed my ticket to the medicine man and wondered what would happen next.
The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to me, and with a grip on my shoulder, warned, "This is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3.' When you do that you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want."
I was encouraged. As I walked away I turned and asked "How do I stop the medicine from working?" "Your partner must say '1-2-3-4' he responded." "But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
I was very eager to see if it worked so I went home, showered, shaved, and took a spoonful of the medicine. Then I invited my wife to join me in the bedroom. When she came in I took off my clothes and said "1-2-3!"
Immediately I was the manliest of men. My wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes. Then she asked "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that boys and girls is why we should never end our sentences with the preposition!
Wedding Dance... Hilarious
http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2008/evolution-of-wedding-dance-p1.php?emf=1
http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2008/evolution-of-wedding-dance-p1.php?emf=1
Quote from Yannis:
Wedding Dance... Hilarious
http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2008/evolution-of-wedding-dance-p1.php?emf=1
Aaaaaahahaha! Very funny!
The National Science Foundation announced the following study results on U.S. military recreation preferences:
1. Sport of choice for Marines: bowling.
2. Sport of choice for Sailors: football.
3. Sport of choice for the Army: baseball.
4. Sport of choice for Coast Guardsmen: tennis.
5. Sport of choice for Airmen: golf.
Notice how the farther down the list you go, the smaller their balls get.
1. Sport of choice for Marines: bowling.
2. Sport of choice for Sailors: football.
3. Sport of choice for the Army: baseball.
4. Sport of choice for Coast Guardsmen: tennis.
5. Sport of choice for Airmen: golf.
Notice how the farther down the list you go, the smaller their balls get.
Very Punny Jokes
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replies, "It's very simple. You're two tents."
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who refused Novocain during a root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought this was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.
One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.
The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri."
"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri doc."
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replies, "It's very simple. You're two tents."
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who refused Novocain during a root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought this was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.
One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.
The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri."
"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri doc."
