Jokes 2

Are YOU bored on a Sunday afternoon ?


OK so try interacting with the world outside !

Here ( since this is the joke section ) is something to try

1. Pick a quiet street where someone comes along every 5 minutes or so
2. Have a selection of coins, some bright some less so
3. Invite a few friends around and get some beers in
4. When no-one is looking stroll out and deposit a coin where you can secretly observe i.e. from your window
5. Wait with friends and have a beer and get cine camera ready before next person walks along said loaded position
6. Place bets as person approaches- will they
a) not see the coin
b) have a quick look around and then grab it
c) stand on it until the coast is clear
d) something else

good hunting
:D
 
Bought Two New Cars Today

attachment.php


:) :) :)
 

Attachments

HIS And HERS Road Trip

HERS:
Pulls off at wrong exit.
Opens window and asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer
Arrives at destination presently.

HIS:
Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one.
Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right.
Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.
Finally rolls down window just to get fresh air.
Pulls up to a 7 -11
Gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky.
Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway.
Gets back into car.
Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11.
Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because guy from 7-11 said it was.
Almost hits a deer.
Curses the night.
Curses you.
Curses the large slurpee.
Drives and fiddles with radio.
Yells at you for suggesting the map again.
Admits he didn't want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister's anyway.
He hates your sister.
Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel.
He had to look up pernicious.
Couldn't find a dictionary.
Finally found a dictionary.
Couldn't spell pernicious.
Seethes at the memory of it all.
But you are laughing inside...
And, of course, you're still lost... ... ...

:) :) :)
 
Non-Seeing Eye Dog

A blind man was seen waiting at a street corner with his guide dog. After a short wait the dog started leading the blind man across the street against the red light. First a car comes screeching to a halt inches away from him, but still the dog leads on, then a bicyclist almost wipes them out and curses as he goes by. Finally in the last lane a truck swerves and barely misses them.

After they reach the far corner the blind man reaches in his pocket and pulls out a cookie and offers it to the guide dog. At this point another person who has watched the entire episode interrupts asking why he was rewarding the dog after the dog had endangered his life and almost got him run over by a car, bicycle and truck.

The blind man responded: "I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find out which end is his head so I can kick his ass!!!"

:) :) :)
 
Joining The Lord's Army

Jack was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. The preacher grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, 'You need to join the Army of the Lord!'

Jack replied, 'I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.'

Pastor questioned, 'How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?'

He whispered back, 'I'm in the secret service, covert ops...'

:) :) :)
 
Stop Sign Lesson

A Lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff's Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense...........

Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign "
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, thats the law. License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."
Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the Deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the Lawyer and says: "DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?"

:) :) :)
 
What's The Charge?

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $500 to answer three questions!"
"Well, that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"

:) :) :)
 
After being told she was too weak on their wedding night, Jack Tweed is just excited now that he can finally consumate the marraige

Jack Tweed is reportedly furious with doctors. Upon hearing that Jade "fell in to a coma" he asked "what the hell was she even doing out of her bed?"
 
Grown Up Words

The kindergartners were now in the first grade. Their teacher wanted them to be more grown up since they were no longer in kindergarten. She told them to use grown up words instead of baby words. She then asked them to tell her what they did during the summer.

The first little one said he went to see his Nana. The teacher said, "No, No, you went to see your grandmother. Use the grown up word."

The next little one said she went for a trip on a choo-choo. The teacher again said, "No, No, you went on a trip on a train. That's the grown up word."

Then the teacher asked the third little one what he did during the summer. He proudly stated that he read a book. The teacher asked what book he had read. He puffed out his chest and in a very adult way replied, "Winnie the Shit."

:) :) :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top