Jokes 2

3 doctors are sitting bragging in a bar about their ability to save lives.

One says: 'we got a patient who had had his arm chopped off on a building site. We re-attached his arm, and the operation was so successful that he was back at work in 6 months, and he was so efficient that he put two other builders out of work.'

The second one says: 'That's nothing! We got a victim in who had been involed in a factory explosion, and both of his legs were pulverised. We re-made them from tissue samples from the site of the accident, and the procedure was so successful that he got a job as a bicycle courier and he was so efficient that he put 5 couriers out of work!'

The first doctor looked impressed, but then the third doctor said his piece: 'That's nothing! I was called to a car accident once, and the victim had been completely vapourised. All that remained was the lingering smell of a fart as he shat himself before the crash. I caught it in a dustbin bag, took it to the hospital and set to work. We wrapped an ******** around it, then a torso, arms, legs, a head. When Mr. Brown rejoined the workforce, he put the whole f**king country out of work!'

Tomorrow the world - Gordon ?
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I would like to put forward my nomination for the "Protester Of The Year Award"...

Every weekday morning and afternoon without fail there is a man who stands outside our local school protesting. He dresses himself all in yellow and he holds a small round placard that simply reads "Stop Children"

That to me is dedication to a worthy cause and deserves recognition.
 
It was entertainment night at the Senior Center and over 300 seniors came to see the show. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: 'I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat 'I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations' He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch...

'The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's
fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. 'SHIT!' said the
Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Center ..
 
An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American Foods (french fries, cheeses, anchovies, etc.), and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and time again Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.

"Abdul, you bastard son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.

"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul. "White man sit on well."
 
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A lobbyist on his way home from Congress is stuck in traffic. Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: 'What's the hold-up?' The policeman replies: 'The Fed Chairman is so depressed he's stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire. 'He says no one believes he can get us through the credit crunch. So we're taking up a collection for him.' The lobbyist asks: 'How much have you got so far?' The officer replies: 'About 40 gallons, but a lot of people are still siphoning.'
 
A boy that lives on a farm is awakened by his mother early in the morning on the weekend. She tells him he won't get breakfast until he does his chores. One of his chores involves feeding all the animals. While he was feeding the animals he takes out his aggression on some of them. He kicks a chicken, a cow, and a pig. When he finished his chores his mother just gives him a bowl of dry cereal. When he asks why, his mother tells him that he didn't get any milk because he kicked the cow. He didn't get any eggs because he kicked the chicken and he didn't get bacon because he kicked the pig. Right then his father comes in and kicks the cat. The boy looks at his mother and says "Would you like to tell him or should I?"
 
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