Jokes 2

A Charity Pantomime benefit for the Paranoid Schizophrenics & Homosexuals descended into chaos yesterday when someone shouted

"He's Behind You!!!!"
 
LMFAO..

Quote from flytiger:

I fell badly if you've never been at a Home Depot at 7-9 am. Because only then, can you truly appreciate this video:

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She said, she means

I feel I've known you my whole life..... I'm drunk.
Will you respect me in the morning?..... You won't tell your friends, will you?
I never do this on my first date........ I always do this on my first date.
Don't touch me there.................... Touch me there, but I'm going to stop you
the first few times.
 
I was walking down 5th avenue and a homeless man said to me

"I haven't eaten anything in four days"

and I said to him "I wish I had your willpower."
 
Quote from nutmeg:

I was walking down 5th avenue and a homeless man said to me

"I haven't eaten anything in four days"

and I said to him "I wish I had your willpower."
More...

The first truly great bit from the 2008 depression.
 
Actually, I carry a bunch of scratch off lottery tickets and give them to bums when they ask for spare change. The one who actually got a winning ticket put up a helluva fight, but I got it back and that paid for my cigarettes that day.
 
I was talking to a homeless guy and he said that he was thirsty (cooking wine bought with food stamps is very salty) but that Starbucks wouldn't give him any water. So I went and got him some water and when I gave it to him he whipped out a Razr phone and asked me if he could have my email address.
 
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