Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
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Best one of these yet.
Best one of these yet.
http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/w/warren_buffett.asp
Warren Buffett cartoons. They are copyrighted so I do not post them here.
Warren Buffett cartoons. They are copyrighted so I do not post them here.
Resolving to surprise her husband, Ruth pops by Bernie's office.
She finds him in an unorthodox position, with Sheryl Weinstein sitting in his lap.
Without hesitation, Bernie starts dictating, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, indictment schiment, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!"
She finds him in an unorthodox position, with Sheryl Weinstein sitting in his lap.
Without hesitation, Bernie starts dictating, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, indictment schiment, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!"
<img src=http://www.elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&postid=2550822
INSTALLING A WIFE
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the compliments and bed applications, which operated flawlessly under Girlfriend 5.0.
In addition, Wife 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as Womenâs hour 5.0, Hello Magazine 3.0 and Makeup 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 is simply poor. .
Please note that I have tried threatening to go down the pub etc, to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate.
DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind, Girlfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Wife 1.0 is a functional system.
Please enter command: I thought you loved me 4.6 and try a bit of Anger 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Wife 1.0 should then automatically run the applications What can I do for you Darling 2.0 and Heavy Petting 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Wife 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,Happy Hour 7.0 or Off to Mum 6.1. Please note that Beer 6. 2 is a very bad program, that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta. Programme. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Out-with-the-Girls 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Girlfriend 5.0 program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Wife 1.0.
In summary, Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory of favours received and cannot learn new applications quickly. Memory can increase exponentially if you try name calling or swearing. Although the extra that she is likely to remember you would rather she would forget.
You might consider buying additional software to improve odediance and performance.
We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck Bub! Tech Support ( Donât call us, we will be abroad for some time )
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the compliments and bed applications, which operated flawlessly under Girlfriend 5.0.
In addition, Wife 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as Womenâs hour 5.0, Hello Magazine 3.0 and Makeup 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 is simply poor. .
Please note that I have tried threatening to go down the pub etc, to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate.
DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind, Girlfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Wife 1.0 is a functional system.
Please enter command: I thought you loved me 4.6 and try a bit of Anger 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Wife 1.0 should then automatically run the applications What can I do for you Darling 2.0 and Heavy Petting 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Wife 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,Happy Hour 7.0 or Off to Mum 6.1. Please note that Beer 6. 2 is a very bad program, that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta. Programme. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Out-with-the-Girls 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Girlfriend 5.0 program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Wife 1.0.
In summary, Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory of favours received and cannot learn new applications quickly. Memory can increase exponentially if you try name calling or swearing. Although the extra that she is likely to remember you would rather she would forget.
You might consider buying additional software to improve odediance and performance.
We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck Bub! Tech Support ( Donât call us, we will be abroad for some time )
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?'
He replies, 'Yes - caffeine.'
'Have you ever been in the military service?'
Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.'
The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points
toward employment.'
Then he asks, 'Are you disabled in any way?'
The guy says, 'Yes...an IED exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles.'
The interviewer grimaces and then says, 'O.K. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00A.M. to 4:00 P.M.
You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at10:00A.M. every day.'
The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., why don't you want me to here until 10:00A.M.?'
This is a government job,' the interviewer says.
'For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee
and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.
The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?'
He replies, 'Yes - caffeine.'
'Have you ever been in the military service?'
Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.'
The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points
toward employment.'
Then he asks, 'Are you disabled in any way?'
The guy says, 'Yes...an IED exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles.'
The interviewer grimaces and then says, 'O.K. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00A.M. to 4:00 P.M.
You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at10:00A.M. every day.'
The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., why don't you want me to here until 10:00A.M.?'
This is a government job,' the interviewer says.
'For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee
and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.
Johnny asked his Sunday school teacher, "What is the most elastic thing in the world?"
Teacher: I dunno... a rubber band?
Johnny: No, I don't think so...
Teacher: Why?
Johnny: Well, you just said that Moses tied his ass to a tree and walked for 40 years in the wilderness...
Teacher: I dunno... a rubber band?
Johnny: No, I don't think so...
Teacher: Why?
Johnny: Well, you just said that Moses tied his ass to a tree and walked for 40 years in the wilderness...