How to be a Guru in 10 easy Steps

Sir,

May I suggest setting up your guru school (aka… Guru-U) like a martial arts academy.....


You could have guru level 1 through guru level xxx (like white through black belt)


Each level ascending to more enlightenment, more oneness with the mkt,

Or

Each level better able to spin more BS, and dupe more money out of the unsuspecting

There would be more money in it for you that way


Food for thought

RN
 
Hello my guru pupils:

Here is a good guru mission statement,

"For the last 20 years I have been entrenched in market action, from technical to fundamental, elliot wave to CAPM, and options to futures. Understanding psychology of the markets takes decades, and to become an elite trader you must be taught by an experienced veteran."

Complete crap.

Then do the disclaimer

"all results are HYPOTHETICAL".

LOL

may this help you in becoming the next guru.


I like Black Belt Guru.

haha.
 
This is good stuff:

REQUIRED RISK DISCLOSURE
HYPOTHETICAL PERFORMANCE RESULTS HAVE MANY INHERENT LIMITATIONS, SOME OF WHICH ARE DESCRIBED BELOW. NO REPRESENTATION IS BEING MADE THAT ANY ACCOUNT WILL OR IS LIKELY TO ACHIEVE PROFITS OR LOSSES SIMILAR TO THOSE SHOWN. IN FACT, THERE ARE FREQUENTLY SHARP DIFFERENCES BETWEEN HYPOTHETICAL PERFORMANCE RESULTS AND THE ACTUAL RESULTS SUBSEQUENTLY ACHIEVED BY ANY PARTICULAR TRADING PROGRAM.

ONE OF THE LIMITATIONS OF HYPOTHETICAL PERFORMANCE RESULTS IS THAT THEY ARE GENERALLY PREPARED WITH THE BENEFIT OF HINDSIGHT. IN ADDITION, HYPOTHETICAL TRADING DOES NOT INVOLVE FINANCIAL RISK, AND NO HYPOTHETICAL TRADING RECORD CAN COMPLETELY ACCOUNT FOR THE IMPACT OF FINANCIAL RISK IN ACTUAL TRADING. FOR EXAMPLE, THE ABILITY TO WITHSTAND LOSSES OR TO ADHERE TO A PARTICULAR TRADING PROGRAM IN SPITE OF TRADING LOSSES ARE MATERIAL POINTS WHICH CAN ALSO ADVERSELY AFFECT ACTUAL TRADING RESULTS. THERE ARE NUMEROUS OTHER FACTORS RELATED TO THE MARKETS IN GENERAL OR TO THE IMPLEMENTATION OF ANY SPECIFIC TRADING PROGRAM WHICH CANNOT BE FULLY ACCOUNTED FOR IN THE PREPARATION OF HYPOTHETICAL PERFORMANCE RESULTS AND ALL OF WHICH CAN ADVERSELY AFFECT ACTUAL TRADING RESULTS.
 
Quote from TheBestGuruEver:

"For the last 20 years I have been entrenched in market action, from technical to fundamental, elliot wave to CAPM, and options to futures. Understanding psychology of the markets takes decades, and to become an elite trader you must be taught by an experienced veteran."
More...
Quote from ProfLogic:

"You spend money not to get clobbered and I've spent 15 years figuring out what the big fisted hedge funds are too arrogant to learn. I just learned to read a chart in real time, am damn consistent and don't have to worry about what I do evaporating."
More...
Hey, did ProfLogic study with you??#!?? :confused: :eek:


bwahahahaha :D :D :D
 
The main thing is lots of impressive sounding (if meaningless) jargon. No one will believe you're smarter than they are if they can actually understand anything you say.

I tried marketing my 'goat entrail' system once, but it didn't have the right cache. So now I'm going with 'stochastic, inverse poisson distribution analysis.'

Yeah, that's it!

Hurry. This is a limited time offer!!!
 
Hello my guru pupils...

today's lesson: never wrong with breakouts.


First show the obvious support and resistance on a few timeframes.

Then show an obvious channel in a stock, future, or something that is happening right now.

Then tell your suckers, err...students, that something will happen and the market will usually breakout and trend outside these levels, stop on the other side.

Now, when this doesn't happen... NO WORRIES...

Say the following:

Because of the lack of volume, this was a clear trap play. It was then also a stop-run move that we knew to fade.

guru.

Or, if volume is heavy, say..

"After volume was heavy and prices didn't continue upwards (point to high), it was obvious to sell back inside the channel with stop above the high."

now go sell some books!!!!
 
If I think of Guru-isms, I must post them...

If you read stuff like this, trust me, it's a red flag.

"No clear direction today, I can see a case for going long or short."

????

Sounds rational, but it's not. It's setting you up for some hindsight crap.

Or this...

"Because of the light volume, holiday, fundamental news, op ex, etc... I wouldn't trade heavy today or take the day off"

When you think about it, that comes to a significant amount of trading days.

What the guru is telling you is....

"Don't trade because I am wrong and need an excuse to keep selling you stuff. The less you trade, the less of a chance I can be wrong. Take the next year off, but still buy my DVD."
 
Quote from TheBestGuruEver:

Or, if volume is heavy, say..

"After volume was heavy and prices didn't continue upwards (point to high), it was obvious to sell back inside the channel with stop above the high."

now go sell some books!!!!
More...
+1 :D
 
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