How to be a Guru in 10 easy Steps

May I add Sir

Write hard to understand verbose paragraphs…. About nothing


eta - Not meaning you in any way, shape or form of course Sir

RN
 
Let me try a paragraph any GURU can use:


"Today's price action was classic, technical and textbook. When the market opened higher, we saw a 1-2a, 3b wave structure of the smaller primary third impulse, which is an obvious short on most timeframes. Moving averages lined up well, we got our risk/reward, and captured many ES points. When the currency market showed an arb while out-of-the-money put options on GS had implied vol. spike, this confirmed our earlier suspicions. Then, at the end of the day, we were able to load up more profits using our proprietary 1,2, 3 method to perfection. Going forward, we hope all days are like this. "

LOL
 
Quote from TheBestGuruEver:

Let me try a paragraph any GURU can use:


"Today's price action was classic, technical and textbook. When the market opened higher, we saw a 1-2a, 3b wave structure of the smaller primary third impulse, which is an obvious short on most timeframes. Moving averages lined up well, we got our risk/reward, and captured many ES points. When the currency market showed an arb while out-of-the-money put options on GS had implied vol. spike, this confirmed our earlier suspicions. Then, at the end of the day, we were able to load up more profits using our proprietary 1,2, 3 method to perfection. Going forward, we hope all days are like this. "

LOL
More...

BINGO.......
 
Luckily for people on ET, I am actually using this thread to teach people how to be the "Master Guru".

All for ... wait for it... FREE

Yes.........................FREE


Because, what Gurus do is give you a ton of FREE crap, make it seem like they are NEVER WRONG, and then, after they think they have 100 suckers, charge for a class for ONLY $499.

LOL

This will be my blog, twitter, etc.... since anyone that spends time MARKETING, yes, it's all marketing, on that crap is after your money.

Remember future gurus..

make it FREE at first.

get them hooked on how you are the best.

and never hint to your bank account, car, house, etc....

but make it seem like you NEVER worry about money.

LOL
 
"Today's price action was classic, technical and textbook. When the market opened higher, we saw a 1-2a, 3b wave structure of the smaller primary third impulse, which is an obvious short on most timeframes. Moving averages lined up well, we got our risk/reward, and captured many ES points. When the currency market showed an arb while out-of-the-money put options on GS had implied vol. spike, this confirmed our earlier suspicions. Then, at the end of the day, we were able to load up more profits using our proprietary 1,2, 3 method to perfection. Going forward, we hope all days are like this. "
More...
LOL :D
***
or like this

"The Intraday Trade Rules!

Perfect Trade – Summary (Intraday Trade)

(In Trading Decision Chart)
1. Prime Trading PPF trade through to Prime Trading Breach.
2. Verify Histogram is in Prime but not yet oscillating.

(In Strength Chart)
3. Confirm Histogram is in Same Direction on Strength Chart, next slowest chart. (This is for see the overall strength)

(In Entry Chart)
4. ERG Oscillation in Prime.
5. Look for PF Bar or Bars
6. Look for Confirmed Price Failure Bar.
7. Enter at the open of the Execution Bar (this is the bar immediately following the Confirmation Bar).

(Exit Position)
8. Exit Position Condition.
a. Any ERG or Histogram Oscillation in Prime, and PPF exit immediately.
b. Any ERG or Histogram Oscillation not in Prime, and PPF exit immediately.
c. Any ERG or Histogram Oscillation in Prime, and a Breach, Breach or Match PPF, you may exit on PF Bar sequence or Adjust Stop to Previous like Oscillation until Stopped Out, a Divergent/Convergent oscillation is created or a failed oscillation is created.
d. Any ERG or Histogram Oscillation not in Prime, and a Breach, Breach or Match PPF, you may exit on PF Bar sequence or Adjust Stop to Previous like Oscillation until Stopped Out, a Divergent/Convergent oscillation is created or a failed oscillation is created.

Detail

(In Trading Decision Chart)

(1) Prime Trading PPF trade through to Prime Trading Breach.

- In Trading Decision chart when PPF label shows then confirm previous label is Breach label.

(2) Verify Histogram is in Prime.

- For Long Position histogram must equal or below -10 (When PF confirms, histogram can swing back above -10).
- For Short Position histogram must equal or above +10 (When PF confirms, histogram can swing back below +10).

(In Strength Chart)

(3) Confirm Histogram is in Same Direction on Strength Chart.

- For Long Position Histogram in Strength Chart has to be in up direction
- For Short Position Histogram in Strength Chart has to be in down direction
(In Entry Chart)

(4) ERG Oscillation in Prime.

- For Long Position ERG is changing from Red color to Blue color and value must equal or below -10.
- For Short Position ERG is changing from Blue color to Red color and value must equal or above +10.

(5) Look for PF Bar or Bars

- PF Bar definition in Book

(6) Look for Confirmed Price Failure Bar.

- For Long Position look for Swing Bar Low that is Higher then Previous Swing Bar Low.
- For Short Position look for Swing Bar High that is Lower then Previous Swing Bar High.

(7) Enter at Open of Execution Bar.

- Enter position on open of bar immediately following the Confirmation Bar.

(Exit Position)

(8) Exit Position Condition.

a. Any ERG or Histogram Oscillation in Prime, and PPF exit immediately.
- For Long Position exit immediately upon confirmation of Oscillation (Oscillation must be 2 complete bars).
- For Short Position exit immediately upon confirmation of Oscillation. (Oscillation must be 2 complete bars).
b. Any ERG or Histogram Oscillation not in Prime, and PPF exit immediately.
- For Long Position exit immediately upon confirmation of Oscillation.
- For Short Position exit immediately upon confirmation of Oscillation.

c. Any ERG or Histogram Oscillation in Prime, and a Breach, Breach or Match PPF, you may exit on PF Bar sequence or Adjust Stop to Previous like Oscillation until Stopped Out, a Divergent/Convergent oscillation is created or a failed oscillation is created.
- For Long Position, Move the Stop Loss Point to Previous Swing (ERG Histogram Oscillation) Low and repeat until Stopped Out or a Divergent/Convergent oscillation is created.
- For Short Position Move the Stop Loss Point to Previous Swing (ERG Histogram Oscillation) High and repeat until Stopped Out or a Divergent/Convergent oscillation is created.

d. Any ERG or Histogram Oscillation not in Prime, and a Breach, Breach or Match PPF, you may exit on PF Bar sequence or Adjust Stop to Previous like Oscillation until Stopped Out, a Divergent/Convergent oscillation is created or a failed oscillation is created.
- For Long Position, Move the Stop Loss Point to Previous Swing (ERG Histogram Oscillation) Low and repeat until Stopped Out or a Divergent/Convergent oscillation is created.
- For Short Position, Move the Stop Loss Point to Previous Swing (ERG Histogram Oscillation) High and repeat until Stopped Out or a Divergent/Convergent oscillation is created."
More...
Link

LOL indeed. :D
 
Quote from MandelbrotSet:

LOL :D
***
or like this


Link

LOL indeed. :D
More...


OMG, that is the worst crap i've ever read.

If you read the entire thing and actually perceived any semblance of value, you would be perfect for my next guru seminar for the ridiculously low price of 879 billion dollars.
 
For all gurus out there:


Remember to make SUPER WIDE zones of support and resistance for your followers.

Say in the ES:

1035 to 1040

1020 to 1025

1018 to 1019

998 to 1004

This way you increase your odds of being right on some level.

Also, if it goes though your crappy levels and keeps going down, say "This was a key INFLECTION point and I knew to sell below my levels"

By using this strategy, you too can be the Guru.

LOL
 
Quote from TheBestGuruEver:

1. Explain how making 20 ES points a day is really easy, using past charts and showing where you would have bought and sold.

2. Tell everyone that everyone else likely blew up trading because they are dumb, and not following your method

3. Explain how trading is hard, yet easy, and will let you live the life you wanted.

4. Tell them you spent 10,000 hours looking at charts, and that must be worth something.

5. Tell them you don't like systems, yet your simple way of trading is like a system and can be used to trade anything on any time frame.

6. Give them guarantees on your performance, but make it very hard to really understand so you win no matter what.

7. Tell them you have traded everything and have tons of money, but really only teach because you like people.

8. Make them think your special cost will run out very soon and you will never offer this crap every again.

9. Tell them you will teach them stuff nobody has every taught them, and it will be 10 hours of some of the best stuff they ever seen -- totally new!!

10. Most important: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER show them an audited Profit and Loss statement for the last year or more. Tell them how un-important making money really is, since they won't have the exact losses, errr..i mean wins... as you. Make it seem like you don't really need the money, but keep begging... err..asking.. for their money. Then use their money to open up a trading account.

LOL

-------------------------------

If you think some clown on the internet can teach you how to trade, you might as well send me 10,000 immediately.

There is a reason prop traders from Goldman don't sit around and market their skills.

LOL
More...
Better yet:
How to be a Guru in 1 step:

1. Always state very vague but catchy statements, with some inspirational/motivational contenent.
By being vague, you can always pretend to be right.
 
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