How to be a Guru in 10 easy Steps

At least "Mad Jack" Hershey and his like do not expect to be paid for their drivel. He is a harmless old nutter who will only waste your time. Unless of course you are so stupid that you try to trade his "system".

The dangerous Gurus are the slick salesmen and aggressive self promoters adopting some or all of the above (brilliantly descibed) techniques who are actually conning people into buying their useless products.

I am sure we can all think of a few of those.
 
Quote from Trader666:

The Jack Hershey Method of Gurudom has proven effective for over a decade:

1. Seek out locations like ET that are teeming with newbies and wannabees who have a desperate need to believe

2. Troll for followers with grandiose claims, both trading and personal

3. Peddle an incomprehensible "method" with its own jargon that can only can be learned from you or one of your stooges

4. Speak in riddles and gibberish to keep followers hanging on your every word and believing their lack of success is because they didn't grasp the full meaning of your "wisdom." This also makes the "method" nearly impossible to backtest... but if you do mistakenly state something clearly enough for others to test it, attack backtesting and whoever ran the tests

5. Constantly berate the "conventional wisdom" and "detractors"

6. Make up success stories about followers who were willing to "do the work" -- even if in reality they went down in flames

7. Never, ever do live trading or show any proof of success (because there is none)

8. Foster a cult-like atmosphere

9. Keep things fresh by promising new things on the horizon that will never materialize, like books and automated trading platforms

10. Find someone to support you so you can play pied piper full time
More...

nicely done.

I've seen some gurus do live trading, then only buy/sell 100 shares for "educational purposes." It's probably their entire account.

The promise of "better" stuff down the road is classic.

And all the emails they get, but they only share one. likely from a sister.

Then they get desperate and promise like 100 hours of mentoring for $199. Or a year's worth of crappy newsletters for only $499. Buying crap from a loser has a NEGATIVE value.

It is completely funny how they berate other gurus, since they know they must now really over-promise and under-deliver more than ever. Then they say how the other gurus likely don't trade, when they don't.

LOL
 
http://www.youtube.com/user/shadowtraders

after 2:30 I had to turn if off, when, after a ton of complete guru garbage, he goes "perfect". I might go watch the rest for more comedy.

LOL

I even talked to a buddy today online who told me about a guy that charges newbies to understand TREND LINES.

LOL

Really, they draw trend lines and charge people for this??

How to draw a trend line in 3 easy steps?

Buy one Trend Line and get the second one free.

LOL
 
Funny thread. I'm still waiting on proflogic to produce TS code. Jack Hershey's system only works in WL, but was initially written in TS code only to find that it doesn't work. Too funny.
 
Quote from bwolinsky:

Funny thread. I'm still waiting on proflogic to produce TS code. Jack Hershey's system only works in WL, but was initially written in TS code only to find that it doesn't work. Too funny.
More...

TS Code? Is this it? Apparently stolen by Sergei Aleynikov himself :D

Code: 
{ Title: Da Unholy Grail }

{ Author: Charl A Tan }

{ Copyright:  Plunder and Flee PLC }


Inputs: RipOffNoobs( true ), IamaStealthVendorCheapskate( true ) ;
Vars: BSFactor(9);


{ Yeah, like as if mofo }

if ( IamaStealthVendorCheapskate ) begin

  _NeverPayEtACentForAdvertisingCauseImACheapAsshole();
  _GetMyDroogsToPimpMySheahAsIfItWorks();

end ;



{ Do the icky here }

if ( RipOffNoobs ) begin

  _PostOnETAboutMyPharkingPerfectTradingMethods();
  _RiskManagement_?_WhatThePhuckIsThat();

  if( IamQuestionedAboutThisSheah() ) begin

    GoOnMindlessRant();
    AdHominemAttackOnPersonQuestioningMyMethod();

    if( BSFactor > 5 ) begin
      MentionHowI_InventedDisOrDat();
      MentionWhyIShouldWinNobelPrize();
      MentionThat_I_Was_Really_The First_Man_On_Da_Moon(); // Some would say I never left.
    end;

    TalkCrapAboutHowBacktestingDoesNotWork_OtherwiseIAmToast();
    YellABitMoreAtPeople();
    CallThemAssholesForNotUnderstandingSuchASimpleMethod();
    PullOutMagicalMystery_Perfect_Undiecator_FromMyArse();
    
  end;

  StartCollectingDoshFromTheDickheadsThatAreTooPhuckingGullible();

end;
 
After glancing at that Profcrap stuff,

it reminded me of another guruism.

To all aspiring gurus, listen up:

When the market is choppy (yes, you are talking about it in hindsight), say this "this is a scalpers market, and I have scalping methods that work great with this environment. I would have captured 20 ES points while others were thinking trend. Very few teach nuggets like this, and if you do this every day you will be rich"

Then when the market is range bound, say "Obviously, we learned early on that because of (crap indicator) we saw this would be a range trade. We were right. This is very easy money if you know how to look at the market"

Then, when it trends, say this.

"We love trending markets here at crap school/blog/dvd .com, and while other people were thinking range we were buying/selling the entire day. Notice that when crap indicator does this and prices do this, we are only looking to buy/sell. Hope we get days like this every day"

Always have 3 crappy systems for these different situations.

Note: If you get completely confused, say something about the dollar, oil, bonds, or whatever to make it seem like you know all markets and how they interact.

LOL
 
Beau, Hershey's system doesn't work... first of all, you modified it. Second, according to C2, only 1 of 5 trades has been profitable with an annual compounded return of -16.9%.

Yeah, I know you haven't been able to trade it in over a month due to problems with the only datafeed in the universe that provides the quotes you need...
Quote from bwolinsky:

Jack Hershey's system only works in WL, but was initially written in TS code only to find that it doesn't work.
More...
 
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