best way to get fired so I can collect unemployment and jumpstart my trading career?
- Thread starter garchbrooks
- Start date
What a LOSER !
this is an oxymoron; if you are fired you DID burn the bridge...
Also, it is doubtful that getting fired will collect unemployment in IL. States tend to follow the same set of rules. In fact, on this IL page, it is called LAID OFF WORKER ASSISTANCE:
http://www.illinoisworknet.com/vos_portal/residents/en/Services/Unemployment_Insurance_Application/
Just turn into a bit of a basket case.
Start bringing toy dolls into work and spend ages just conmbing their hair, singing lullabies.
You can maybe tamper with things around the office. Replace the sugar with salt. When they taste it burst out laughing in their faces, relly over-the-top. Say "its was me!!! hahaha!!" Repeat this same gag at least 3 times per week
Keep bringing your dog into work with you. Say you cant leave him at home or anywhere, but he'll 'pay his way' by doing some basic office/phone work for the company. Say this with a completely straight face, and mantain it through whatever response you get.
Throw a barbecue in your office, complete with an indoor grill, kegs and friends from outside of work.
Do any of the above really. Make them think you're a nut.
Make sure you film it aswell. If it all somehow ends 'badly' you might be able to make money off the footage.
Start bringing toy dolls into work and spend ages just conmbing their hair, singing lullabies.
You can maybe tamper with things around the office. Replace the sugar with salt. When they taste it burst out laughing in their faces, relly over-the-top. Say "its was me!!! hahaha!!" Repeat this same gag at least 3 times per week
Keep bringing your dog into work with you. Say you cant leave him at home or anywhere, but he'll 'pay his way' by doing some basic office/phone work for the company. Say this with a completely straight face, and mantain it through whatever response you get.
Throw a barbecue in your office, complete with an indoor grill, kegs and friends from outside of work.
Do any of the above really. Make them think you're a nut.
Make sure you film it aswell. If it all somehow ends 'badly' you might be able to make money off the footage.
Depends what you get fired for. We just terminated an employee last month for "inability to perform assigned tasks", tasks he said he could do. He was a welder that couldn't weld for shit. He applied for unemployment compensation. We disputed it and lost because we could not prove "willful negligence". Even though he lied about his ability, it was not enough. This was in the state on IN. Seems that anything short of outright sabotage is excusable.
State Unemployment Insurance Benefits
Purpose
In general, the Federal-State Unemployment Insurance Program provides unemployment benefits to eligible workers who are unemployed through no fault of their own (as determined under State law), and meet other eligibility requirements of State law.
http://workforcesecurity.doleta.gov/unemploy/uifactsheet.asp
The point was, that poster was trying to make the case that IL was different, as if getting fired or layoffs did not matter in that state. That is highly unlikely.
States tend to have similar rules when it comes for firing (and even if you leave voluntarily) - it is decided on a case by case basis, on the conditions surrounding each position. Beingincompetent is not necessarily a disqualifying event for unemployment. In fact, with layoffs, many times the lesser qualified are the first to go, but they still are allowed to collect UC.
Hillarious. Made my day.
I imagine you could navigate a path to layoff by dressing inappropriately. You might have a little fun with it.
Maybe insist on wearing a tie day after day that looks like someone shot their load on it.
Or maybe you could wear one brown shoe and one black shoe everyday and tell them you have to dress in the dark ''cause your wife sleeps in''.
You can't go over the line though... if you show up in crotchless matador pants, pasties and a huge cowboy hat you may risk summary dismissal and being walked out by security is humiliating. Taking the L home to Wrigleyville dressed like that may also involve some humiliation.
Or if you donât want to burn the bridge, just negotiate with your managers saying you have some sort of serious problems e.g. mental/physical, in dire situation, need to take immediately care of and need the money badly. Usually they let you get unemployment benefits plus severance packages.