Many years ago, back in college, I knew a guy whom you remind me of. He was a compulsive gambler. It started with betting on sports, he lost some money, not much, started playing blackjack, lost some more, started looking into the stock market.
He openned a paper account, and showed us his results for that month, which was pretty impressive. So he asked me and 2 other friends for money. Here was his deal, (I'm not giving the real amounts, just to give you the idea of his plan) - 4 of us put 1000 dol. each, and he starts trading, the amount he makes, we split 4 ways equally, but if he starts losing money he'll stop as soon as the acount is down 25 %, and returns our money, so we didn't risk anything. Everything sounded good, so we gave the money (later we found out that he didn't even put his part, he borrowed it from someone else who he didn't tell us about, telling him the same story).
To make the long story short, this moron lost all the money (like 90%) of it in 1 month! He was trading on margin. He told us later that after the first loss, he just wanted to get the money back to us, so he can stop. It got worse and worse, because we didn't know right away how he was doing, he was telling us that the acount is at break even, until we asked for the monthly statement. The truth came out, the kid dropped out of school. He lost control to the point where we was ready to commit any crime, just to get our money back. He was arrested by police on his way to rob a store. The amounts involved were far from the ones you gave us, but I thinkg this story still relates to you.
I do believe that you borrowed large amounts and lost it trading.
You don't have a holy grail, or any system to make money. That one month performance you quoted was just good luck and big leverage. Even one year's performance wouldn't mean that you found some kind of system.
You are a f$cking mess, man. You are looking to gambling type of activities. This book writing idea is another sign of desperation. Nobody gives a crap about your system or your story to buy your book.
People whose money you lost know they are not going to get it back. So just stop right where you are. Declare bankruptcy, solve all the legal problems with you not being charged for fraud, move to different state, start the life from zero, and most important forget about the markets for at least several years.
For some unknown reason I feel sorry for you, and would only advice to get some professional help before you do some serious demage to yourself or others.
