I'm stuck on wondering if any of these trends are actually real in the first place. And if any positive results would just be false positives.
Real in what sense?
Graphically, a trend is obviously a trend if price is moving consistently in one direction in preference to the other.
But we're not here for artistic appreciation. TA features have no value unless they suggest a higher probability of something happening than 50%. The feature does not have to be the causative factor of what happens, nor do they have to be correct all of the time, just more often than 50% of the time.
Or somethin' like that.