Thank you for the compliment, Sprout, but it's only a difference in vocabulary. I'm not asserting that one party has any more control over the relationship than the other -- it *is* a relationship, after all. And if one sees the Beverly Hillbillies' initial shack, and the other sees the mansion, Woof! there will be trouble. Expectations. And respect for the other, and a recognition if the loyalty is not there, etc etc etc.
What I wanted (eventually) was a relationship checklist that would survive commercial relationships, Thanksgiving dinners, international relations. And subbing in whatever-you-want for the terms used, I think I got that. (When I was at the U of Rochester, this guy was chair:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bruce_Bueno_de_Mesquita so you got a heavy dose of modeling in nearly every class. Talk about Raging Empiricism.... but certain tenets stick, y'know?)
B
BuySellSideTrader2020
Just an update:
We are breaking up and going our own ways. I got the text last night at 3:45AM.
We are breaking up and going our own ways. I got the text last night at 3:45AM.
A text breakup before a tinder hookup sounds young with no class.
A true blessing in disguise, imagine that with houses and kids in the picture.
Always best to regain your power and ‘shut down the town.’
B
BuySellSideTrader2020
I hate the fact she couldn't do it in person.
I can't imagine having kids in the picture,
That's what I am going to do!
The vocabulary describes two different orientations.
One orientation has expectations in the ‘other’ as a basis on how one feels. The other orientation has a basis on the ‘Self’ as a basis on how one feels.
In other words, your relationship is what it is and provides for your needs as long as you say it does and generates those feelings from within you as you witness behavior fulfilling your expectations.
Put another way, someone working a job at some point thinks there are greener pastures. Maybe the job has changed maybe not. Something that is immediate control of the employee is how they ‘think’ about the job. If they make a list of all the benefits of having the job, the perspective can shift much easier than going about getting a new job.
This actually helps before job hunting as well. The difference is what type of new opportunities either of the perspectives will attract.
Put another way, when one’s having fun it’s easier to have more fun. The better it gets the better it gets.
The world is a mirror and we get what we give.
Ever wonder why someone with a ‘shitty attitude’ frequently seems to have ‘bad’ things happen that reinforce and justify their attitude?
They can’t control exterior events but they do have control over their interpretation and therefore the meaning of those events.
As for your relationship may you continue to have blessings multiply.
Socrates once said,
“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.”
I have not run too much in the past decade, and for an older guy ("Me!"), that's trouble.
But in the past year/18 months, I've slowly tuned back up a bit.
Next weekend, I'll hike a bunch.
Weekend after that, I just made a date with my X (oddly enough) to hike a marathon of distance with a target of about 6 hours, with an eye towards gauging how well I could double that, to attempt at least, a 50 in maybe twelve hours, before the close of the year. I don't think I can do it. But I'd like to get back to some 100s next year, and if I could just give this a solid go
, it'd be alright. It'd be just fine. ("
" to me.
)Chiming in on Sprout's thought -- I wonder where you might turn, with your time+power? A hike? Painting? *Really* understanding A Brief History Of Time?
En-joy. Yourself.
So it's not "Dog eat Dog" but "Dog eat Other-Dog-that-*thinks*-the-first-Dog-will-eat-'im"?
This is an admirable outlook, and one that I share. But it's not reality. Reality is just like the financial markets we trade, and if you stroll in with rosy lenses and think the other guy won't rape you to the extent that you make available, ..... Ewwwwww. Not gonna be fun.
We didn't evolve with The Secret, we evolved with Darwin. I offer that as a rosy-lensed guileless optimist.
B
BuySellSideTrader2020
As I have the day to analyze the situation, I feel free rather than sad, so it was a toxic relationship.