This is not a thread about Trading & Emotions so much as it is about Trading & Relationships. And issues in our relationships demand that we
1) make sense of them, and
2) resolve them.
Certainly, others are rarely in a position to help in 'resolving' relationship issues.
But as far as making sense of them -- perhaps some insight.....
You only have so much attention.
We hear all the time about Attention Deficit woes -- what malarkey. Somehow, the human species has gotten this far without declaring itself in a Disorder all the time.
But what the teachers lament as Attention Deficit Disorder, is simply the student's active decision to direct some of their limited attention assets to things which the teacher does not approve. It is not an Attention Deficit so much as an Attention Budget Misappropriation.
So, how's your own Attention Budget, today?
Everyone on this thread agrees that approaching the market with less than 100% attention available is handicapping yourself (and your account) right from the start. Not. Good.
For myself in a similar 'relationship' crisis during a trading day, a first question that would run cycles around and around in my brain, would be something like, "Why?" Why is this happening? Why are we in conflict? Why has our relationship taken this bad turn?.... And as I'd never thought about the mechanics of relationships, I was confusing and conflating cause and effect, a lot. So I had to figure that out first.
And what I came up with was an architectural construct -- a foundation of respect, three walls of trust, honesty, and (most important) loyalty, and a hearty roof of big-hearted love. So! If you get all sorts of lovey-dovey statements, but are routinely shown disrespect -- that relationship is *broken*. And if you yourself claim great affections for someone, but don't *trust* them, "*broken*". You get the idea.
And things don't have to be perfect -- frame 'em out and call the imperfections 'windows' and 'doors'! As long as the whole hangs together.
This idea won't solve any relationship problem, but if it can reduce the time, the effort, the drag on your available Attention in just figuring the whole puzzle out? Then that would be a good thing.
Tom I like how you write even though I have a different perspective.
From my pov, attention is a function of focus and choice. We get to choose what we put our focus upon. There’s both a quality and quantity component to that function based on an inherent value system one has built through experiences.
The architectural model you’ve outlined creates a frame. A frame of ‘conditions.’ Conditions that when met are approved by the giving of Love. That is conditional love and it gives over one’s power to behavior in another that one has futile control over.
It’s what humans have been conditioned to do - if (the other) behaves in predictable ways, then the ‘I’ will Love and approve of ‘you.’
However there is another way of relating. A way of relating that insures that we have our needs met by the very things we do have control over.
“Why do we want things?”
An alternative perspective is that simply for what we believe those things will makes us
feel in the having if it.
To relate it to your example, then it is to
feel Love first and foremost and those other qualities will naturally arise in the other as a response to what could be considered a simple choice in what one focuses their own attention upon.
In other words, when a relationship is in disharmony, a general game being played is ‘find the bad guy.’ Hurt people hurt people.
To break that cycle of why the other is at fault, simply choosing to focus on the positive aspects of the relationship gets one back into feeling good feeling thoughts about the other pretty quickly.
Sometimes taking a break from a relationship is the fastest way, by asserting a boundary of spacetime. Even then, one can still be thinking about the disharmony even though it’s not within one’s physical proximity.
A quicker and more reliable way is to take a break from one’s own ‘monkey mind’ by choosing to focus and pay attention on the ‘space in between thoughts,’ as a way to reset. Another way to reset, is simply to engage in a different activity that one naturally feels good about.
After one resets, then by directing the positive direction of one’s thoughts through choice and focus, all the feelings one wishes to feel are a generative action from within and not a reflexive response to the environment.
Here on ET, I am challenged by what I am describing and for certain chronically negative personalities choose to subscribe to your notion of an attention budget and use the ignore/block function.