The loneliness of success

Let's get to deepen these issues of "fear of success".
Just so we can all agree :

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:D :D :D
This one is really the bestest. hahahaha
 
Quote from smallStops:

Self-sabotage, fear of success

http://guesswhatnormalis.com/2007/11/self-sabotage-a/


Fear of success is actually fear of change.

Everybody’s heard the term ‘fear of failure.’ It’s very easy to hear that expression and think, “Yeah. I get it. Who wouldn’t be scared to fail? Failure sucks.” But when I hear the expression ‘fear of success,’ I scratch my head (figuratively) and think, “Well, why? Why would someone be scared to succeed? I mean success is a good thing.” Why would anyone want to not succeed?

There’s a relationship between self-sabotage and fear of success. Self-sabotage is our way of avoiding success. What’s scarier? Not succeeding or succeeding? Be honest. Does the thought of success scare you more than the thought of not succeeding?

Isn’t failure more…comfortable? Self-sabotage keeps you right where you are – frustrated, but comfortable.

Your fear of success is in love with self-sabotage.

Success, to the soul, means leaving home. It means departing from what’s currently familiar. Abandoning the present, and embracing the unknown. Success requires risk-taking, large and small risks. Being open to success means becoming open to the possibility of leaving all that is familiar, and comfortable. It means leaving yourself as you know yourself. It could mean leaving a familiar neighborhood, town, and being farther away from family. Success entails change. Change of job, change of location, and a change of you.

No wonder so many people take the path of least resistance. No wonder so many people avoid success and, instead, veer toward self-sabotage…toward the comfortable familiarity of the old.

THE HERO’S JOURNEY

If you want to discard your fear of success and self-sabotage, then you must embrace your life’s journey. The hero’s journey is an old, archetypal description of life’s path. (It’s also a developmental dramatic arc often used for movies and novels – Star Wars and Lord of the Rings.)

The stages of the hero’s journey are:

The Ordinary World
The Call to Adventure
The Refusal of the Call
Meeting with the Mentor
Crossing the First Threshold
Tests, Allies, Enemies
Approach to the Inmost Cave
Ordeal
Reward (seizing the sword)
The Road Back
Resurrection
Return with the Elixir

Your present life is the Ordinary World.

If you commit to starting and finishing a project, that is your Call to Adventure.

Your Refusal of the Call will be self-sabotage, the part of you that wants to talk you out of the idea. Addiction is one form of self-sabotage. Addiction prevents growth – that is textbook self-sabotage. It’s scary to change because it can feel like abandonment, so addicts choose to keep using instead.

Once you meet someone (or read something) that causes you to reconsider your journey (or project), you will have had your Meeting with the Mentor.

Once you successfully get past a tremendously difficult aspect of the project, you will have met and Crossed the First Threshold.

Along the way there will be Tests (events or people (including yourself) that test your steadfastness), Allies (folks who help you toward your goal), and Enemies (folks who try to distract you from your goal). One “test” could be your old self testing your new self, in the form of perfectionism (a precursor to self-sabotage). Many ACoAs are perfectionists. The need for something to be just right, perfect, paralyzes us. The need for something to be “perfect” before it’s finally done derails us. It is a distraction. It prevents us from starting projects (because they won’t turn out perfectly) and it prevents us from finishing projects (because they don’t match up with our perfect vision).

Your Approach to the Inmost Cave is both a personal insight, potentially life-changing, as well as a reaching of a certain point of no return.

At this point an Ordeal may come, in which your project or goal will be in some sort of jeopardy. But because you are steadfast and because you have made a personal discovery, you are not going to be prevented from your path at this point.

Your Reward is either the reaching of your goal or completion of your project, or an unexpected but incredibly fortunate surprise.

The Road Back is your journey back towards the “home” from which you began the adventure.

Your Resurrection is the creation of a brand new self – you have been deeply affected by your journey and goal-reaching. This is your new identity revealing itself to you, and the world.

The Return with the Elixir is your reaching “home” and sharing your journey, new self, and ‘helpful message’ to others based on your new understanding and adventure.

That’s success – transformation.

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Interesting. Is that Joseph Campbell?
 
your whining is sending a contradictory signal of making money. If you were making the kind of money you say you are making you buy nice gifts, e.g. bring friends on vacations you cover the cost, you pick the tab at all the bars, parties etc, then everyone wants to see you succeed. you aren't making that obviously so stop pretending.

Quote from Smart Money:

Hey guys.

I have an edge. Put away your argument about whether there is such a thing as an edge or not...but my point is that I'm now consistently making money in the markets. Decent money, and while it is not as much as I thought I'd make when I first started trading, it's still enough to make the kind of wealth I'd like to have. Right?

Well here's what sucks about it. Its the lonliness of it. Don't call the suicide hotline on my behalf because it's not that bad, but it still sucks. I have a friend that I trade with who I collaborate with. I also have my wife to talk to. But in general, it sucks not being able to talk about it. I don't feel like I can tell my friends or they will have their hands out, or they'll think I'm bragging.

How do some of you successful traders cope with the fact that you can't really talk about any cool moves you made in the market, or boneheaded mistakes, or your progress, etc. Yeah...we have E.T., and I'm damn thankful for that, but I'm talking about outloud. Does it bug you not being able to talk about what you do compared to your friends who have a day job who talk about their day at work? Man, I'm busting with pride at what I'm doing and where I'm going, but I feel I have to keep a secret.

Anyone care to share?

SM
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Quote from smallStops:

Interesting quote:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
"
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Good quote, but coming from someone named "small stops" ?

:D
 
Quote from SeventhCereal:

your whining is sending a contradictory signal of making money. If you were making the kind of money you say you are making you buy nice gifts, e.g. bring friends on vacations you cover the cost, you pick the tab at all the bars, parties etc, then everyone wants to see you succeed. you aren't making that obviously so stop pretending.
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SeventhCereal : why do you feel the need to tell the person what the person should do with their money ? I just want to understand the mindset behind. thx:)
 
The guy is whining about being lonely yet bragging about making money. Two contradictory statements in my opinion.

Quote from smallStops:

SeventhCereal : why do you feel the need to tell the person what the person should do with their money ? I just want to understand the mindset behind. thx:)
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Small stops got that quote from a football motivation speech on youtube, or something like that. weak sauce....you must be in your 20's.

Today, if you can't make at least 45k in the ES then you need to just close the account. it's easy, and only people who fail think it is impossible to make money. it's easy, since the underlying trend has been bullish for a long time. and step your size up when vol. is low. so many are just not that smart and lazy and think everyone fails because they fail.

success is not caring. 100k in the bank account, house paid off, wife happy, fitness good, eating whatever you want, and not explaining anything to anyone.

there is no loneliness in success.....people see the confidence and they are inspired by the freedom. they are jealous and curious of the champion....

online motivational speech....I charge 5 million. just a little less than bill Clinton.....think big clownies...
 
Quote from smallStops:

So may be time we look to this "fear of success" , as fear of success can also hold people back.

Examples of how fear of success manifest itself:
- procrastination
- self-sabotage
- self-limitations
I think this is actually very important "fear of success".
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Based on my personal experience, self-sabotage and procrastination are not symptoms of "fear of success", they're symptoms of fear of failure. Procrastination allows a person to remain in a state of hope ("I can accomplish X whenever I make the decision to; I just haven't decided to yet.") and self-sabotage allows a person to blame external factors for failure to get started or to succeed.

With regard to day trading, for example, you may believe you have an edge, yet have a problem putting on trades based on your observations. You hesitate because you first want to see some confirmation that you're right, and you miss the move or get in late (which dilutes or even ruins your edge). Or you check email, surf the net, go get a snack or cup of coffee, pet the dog, when you're supposed to be watching for setups to unfold. This gives you an "out" for missing a great setup. If this happens occasionally, it's not a problem, but if it happens regularly, it's self-sabotage.

Both of these examples illustrate fear of failure. If you hesitate, you're either afraid of losing trades or you're afraid of uncertainty in general (meaning you either don't have a statistically valid plan or you doubt your ability to remain steadfast in an environment of constant uncertainty). If you become easily distracted and miss opportunities, you're afraid of finding out you don't have what it takes to produce consistent profitability as a trader.
 
Quote from SeventhCereal:

The guy is whining about being lonely yet bragging about making money. Two contradictory statements in my opinion.
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Following some of my research on "fear of success", the contradictons exists.
For instance
"Causes of Fear of Success
Fear of success has several possible causes:

•We fear what success will bring – for example, loneliness, new enemies, being isolated from our family, longer working hours, or being asked for favors or money.
•We're afraid that the higher we climb in life, the further we're going to fall when we make a mistake.
•We fear the added work, responsibilities, or criticism that we'll face.
•We fear that our relationships will suffer if we become successful. Our friends and family will react with jealousy and cynicism, and we'll lose the ones we love.
•We fear that accomplishing our goals, and realizing that we have the power to be successful, may actually cause an intense regret that we didn't act sooner
"
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/fear-of-success.htm

Now, if you look to lottery winners, you will see cases where the winner started distributing money to friends and family. In one case one brother wanted more and problems started...

He could be bragging , or he could be celebrating success, and wanting to share his joy of doing well. Trading is a hard way to make easy money, so I can understand that he would want to share his success. Just a different way of looking to things.
 
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