Start hoarding

"911 what is your emergency?"

"well I'm stuck on the john here and ran out of toilet paper"

"Sir that is not an emergency and you are tying up an emergency line"

"but what am I supposed to do?"

"Sir, do you have a cat?"
 
If this were any other time, I'd think that was an Onion article.

Mreh. I guess we should maybe invest now in companies that make bidets?
 
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A hunter is in the woods and squats behind a tree to take a shit.

A little rabbit hops over and sees the man and decides to also take a shit next to him.

The hunter looks at him and asks the rabbit "Does shit stick to your fur, I was curious..."

"Not at all," said the rabbit.

So the hunter grabbed the rabbit and used it to wipe his ass.
 
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