I had seen the second one and watched the first. I am not surprised by the results. I think the buddhist monk who Oprah interviews nails it. You have this little crying baby that is your core self. You need to handle this baby gently. No matter how much it acts out you reassure it that you love it unconditionally. Eventually the crying subsides. The baby - even though it doesn't understand your words - is filled with a sense of love, of being worthy of love. The love isn't conditional - the mother has no expectations for the baby's behavior and the love is there always.
I think watching these 2 films allow to see what is possible.
I mean if these type of hardened criminals can go deep inside themselves, then anybody can do it, and get the benefits.
Thick Tanh ( he has a center in the south of France) explains the ideal situation.
There are many talks from him, and he also talks about "non-ideal" situations.
Now, same procedure :
- examples of mothers or fathers who have no love for their babies?
- how does it manifest itself ( apathy , abuse, ... ) : find 10 examples
- reasons for the absence of love ?
( father trapped into parenthood,
mother beaten into pregnancy,
mother falls pregrant when she loved someone else,
mother falls pregnant from another guy but passes the baby as another's man
for material benefits,
father who finds out his wife was a high price hooker,
prostituted women who fall pregnant from their customers,
babies born from rape etc... ) :
find 20 examples of situations.
- what happens when "unloving" mother or father is forced into parenthood?
if you have the chance go to a place of free legal clinic and ask examples
of severe and serious child abuse. And why some children are removed from
their parents. Places where genocide took place are a good examples
to find the mothers true feelings when forced to take care of the children
( Rwanda and what they call "unwanted children", Sarajevo and the
"children born from ennemy rape"...)
Now what is this all about ?
These examples above are harsh examples. But they will make it easier for you to
look to the reality as it is. Even if it is painful.
No matter what it is : just look to things as they are.
People are humans, not monsters.
As humans they will react in the best way they can to inhuman situations
( including forced, unwanted parenthood, ... )
It is often easier to see the reality among very rough or destitutes families,
as their reactions will be translated into violent behaviors.
Among more educated people, a parent reaction can be apathy, dislike in behavior, etc.
At the end of the day, it is about talking to your parents to find out the truth about your parents relationships, their situations when you were conceived and raised. Now this is never easy, as usually there were some lies somewhere
and not everybody is ready to tell the truth.