This thread is intended to be about behavior modification. It's not a place for debate. If you read these ideas and think they are hogwash there is no need to comment. If you have interest in these ideas or have your own ideas feel free to contribute. Also - if you try any of the techniques please post your findings.
I'm not claiming to be an expert here but I have spent a ton of time working on this stuff for myself. A lot of what I will say and write isn't quantifiable. It might be complete bullshit. Lastly - because I've spent a lot of time working on this I won't always be able to give proper credit to all of these ideas. None of these ideas are mine. I didn't originate them and all credit goes to others. I think we need to start from the beginning and identify the problem.
Traders are aware of fear and greed but I think there is something deeper at play. We are conditioned from an early age to strive for perfection. This in itself isn't a bad thing - but when we tie our self-worth to the results we have problems. I believe that the biggest emotion that holds us back is shame. Most people are terrified of shame. This leads to self-deception and a desire to "put on a face" for others. We repress this more than any other emotion. We don't mind showing anger (men) or sadness (women) but we will avoid feeling vulnerable at all costs.
My favorite poem of all time is "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Elliot in which he says:
And I have known the eyes already, known them allâ
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?
I think he captures that feeling of being frozen by what others might think. There is a difference between shame and embarrassment. Embarrassment is when we feel humiliation because of our behavior. Shame is when we identify the behavior as ourselves. It's not "I did something stupid" - it's "I am stupid". This can be crippling especially in trading where you are guaranteed to be wrong fairly regularly. It causes us to deceive ourselves and others. If every time you make a mistake your entire self-worth comes into question you are going to avoid admitting mistakes - especially to yourself.
What is the antidote to shame? As cheesy as it sounds it's love. At a fundamental level we all need to believe that we are fundamentally deserving of love. Most of us have felt the opposite of this many times in our life and it causes us to build defense mechanisms to avoid feeling vulnerable. Vulnerability is when you allow others a peak behind the veil. You are saying - here is the icky ball of mess that is really me - take a long look. Being vulnerable is one of the scariest things a person can do. It is also where meaningful connections can happen and big changes can take place.
Have you ever been at a party and gotten involved in a conversation with someone who can't help but work his personal achievements into the conversation or list all of the important people he knows? We instantly recognize this as inauthentic and label the person a bore. Have you ever been to a party and gotten involved in a conversation with someone who is completely vulnerable? We recognize this as real and often find the person compelling. We also tend to share more of ourselves with this person.
It's easy to find examples of this in trading journals. One trader says, "I've been at this for 10 years, I've really struggled, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. I haven't lost my desire to succeed but I'm feeling beat down and can't even tell which way is up. I need help." The other trader says, "I've been at this for 10 years, I know everything there is to know about trading. I've read all the books and talked to tons of famous traders. I'm not making money because no one makes money doing this." Which trader is being authentic? Which trader is going to get more help?
( both are. The 1st one hint the problem is technical, the 2nd that the problem is psychology - attitude. It is easier to help number1 than number2, because number2 will be challenging).
So if we have identified the true problem (shame avoidance) and a possible solution (vulnerability) where does behavior modification come into play?
what you might want to do is for each one highlighted is to :
* take the opposite of it : prove the opposite, and find examples
* ask yourself for what purpose a "Higher Being", or God or whatever, would have created shame? Imagine, that once you have passed on the other side, this "Higher Being" or God or whatever asks you " I send you shame : what did you not understand?" what would be your answer?
Thanks to various psy, I have come to understand that many things are not that simple. But obviously each psy is necessary to bring to light various concepts and perspectives.
When I talk about "spirituality", it means the external "psychological" environment.
It is not really about religion , etc...
And "psychology" the internal "psychological" environment.
When, I trade a good "spiritual" environment means for me :
* no "hysterics" or "mad" people around who do not respect others, etc...
or in imagery "no demonic spirits" around.
When, I trade a good "psychological" environment means for me :
* a psychology with no negativity, only positivity inside me.
Feel free to question or point any incorrection.
