I read all comments, some made me think a lot and helped me to put ina a better prospective what happened.
Part of the problem it is me. I trade options on commodities and stocks, I work from home and I make a very good living. I had the rare blessing of learning from a pro for a while before quitting and do things on my own. Unfortunately now when trading I do not run into people nor exhange ideas anymore, I am just all alone doing heavy mental weight-lifting on the strategies I am about to apply.
When my closest friends ask me about my day I have only one subject to talk about, work work work. I am very enthusiastic about my job, it makes my heart beat and more often than not I have some really awesome and exciting days. When I feel a little sad or blue I focus more on my job, like crazy. It gives me space, it is a place where I can take all my energy aim it somewhere hold it and then release it all the moment I place my trade. Monday mornings and the third Friday of the month are my favorite days. Often I invited all my friends to eat out to a very fine restaurants to celebrate.
See my point ? This is all I am, this is all I talk about, I didn't ask any questions to other people about themselves. I must stop to be a social retard.
I know he was never a true friend, it hurts, but at the same time, I now understand that I made mistakes too. If you have passion and enthusiasm about the market, probably it is going to be annoying to people that want to trade but that for one reason or another can not.
He would always ask about my trades, and I was glad to tell him everything. It was stupid and not necessary when I told him stuff like" Hey this month I made another $ 35.000, let's go celebrate ! " He makes that in one year. So again it is not wise to talk about the money you make with your friends. To add insult to injury while he pays a lot for renting his place, I managed somehow to end up in an ok place, $ 500 x month, rent control. I enjoy to live well below my means because in big American cities I get judged on how I look, not on how I am.
As isolated as I am, I felt a weird need need to prove myself to my friends by telling them how much I make. I got not much else going on in my life. Trading is an extension of what I have in my head, only that it becomes real when it is out there in the market. It is wonderful. What was I looking for ? An approval ? A recognintion ? All I wanted was to share something good, but I guess a meal or a few were not good enough. I wanted to feel more social and less alone.
Unless someone is going to share and be a part of it I should not give any detail. Next time I'll do what most of you guys suggested, say something vague and switch the subject on something of mutual interest.
But no, I told him how I consider myself a semi-pro, how in the market I see that most retail investors are like kids, they come in with some candies and me and people like me, would take away their candies every goddam month. How at times I was glad that I was in front of a screen because I did not have to see the face of the person on the opposite side of my trade. How volatility is like a license to print money and then of course, the icing on the cake was to show him my performance in my brokerage accounts.
Now I realize how for him it sounded like endless bragging ME ME ME
Maybe I can take an acting class, something social where I get out of the house and do the things I like to do. It would help me to find a better ballance if I put myself in social situations that are different from my usual chess club, after all that is what money buys you, the time to do what you like.
It is not easy though, it is part of my personality, last time I went to Hawaii, I have been there five times, I didn't even go once in the ocean, in 15 days, just a few times the pool of my beautiful resort at best. Most of the time I would spend it in my room where there was a high speed internet connection.
When today I told another friend that I am gonna buy grand theft auto 4 and then lock myself in my little appartment for a week he told me that I am weird.
By reading this board I learned shutting up and a little modesty/diplomacy it is only going to help me.
thank you
francesco
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