Marketsurfer's confession

Nine_Ender said:
It's not hard to understand why your friend cut off communications then, after all, you considered her to be the "psychotic artistic" type and it must have been her fault for believing in your financial judgement. Right ? And you couldn't talk to her later on because of the "crap" she'd say about your business deal ? You did admit those things did you not ?

I didn't blame you for her death. However, if you are going to respond to my valid points in this reckless and personal way, I just may question your ethics and morality in a much deeper fashion. Is this really what you want ? If you are blameless, you would have no guilt at all.
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All one needs to do is read your post history to know that you offer zero value--- stay the F off my threads loser.

surf
 
Tsing Tao said:
Pay no attention to Nine_Ender, MS. His purpose is to seek out conflict where there is none, to find the insult in the most trivial of commentary, and to call everyone racist when no other label can be applied.

It is obvious this event changed you (seemingly for the better). Sometimes, as shallow as it sounds, events have no other purpose than to do just that. The Japanese have an expression: "Tantai". All Things in Time.
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I'm sure that Surf has tremendous confidence in your little P&R group, rather then say the people of Ottawa who are rife with "psychotics" according to him. That's his right, it shows really bad judgement but so what. He can ignore me but he can't ignore his guilt, can he ? But I will give him credit for at least feeling that guilt. There are clear sociopaths in your P&R group that have little or no empathy for others and absolutely no awareness of why their actions and opinions are deeply flawed. The racism is very real, you can pretend it doesn't exist, doesn't matter to me at all.

Nor does it matter to me that Surf is uncomfortable with the concept of potential fraud when he crashed a hedge fund. He can address that in a mature, calm way, explaining the risk parameters of the fund and how he communicated them to his investors. This step is advisable given he is still in a similar business. But no, he chose to shoot the messenger with unsubstantiated personal insults that are essentially off topic.

Perhaps I expect too much from Surf, I thought on the surface he was an intelligent guy. I make no such pretense in your case, most topics go way over your head.
 
marketsurfer said:
All one needs to do is read your post history to know that you offer zero value--- stay the F off my threads loser.

surf
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There are too many people in financial services that are essentially glorified con men, you are starting to show your true colours in that regard, although there is no shortage of people on here who figured as much before this thread.
 
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Nine_Ender said:
There are too many people in financial services that are essentially glorified con men, you are starting to show your true colours in that regard, although there is no shortage of people on here who figured as much before this thread.
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Just piss off, like the guy asked.
 
jem said:
You have to let it go somehow and I think dealing with it here is a good step towards your catharsis.

For most its some form of offering up to a higher power via confession. repent...(sin no more like that) and then feel forgiven so you can move on.

Catholics have a truly wonderful experience in confession. It can be amazingly cathartic if you really confess and repent, as is turn away from (the) sin .


Recently I learned more about the 12 steps that AA advocates. I have seen a person working (it takes work to do it right) through the steps including taking mental stock of everything they felt guilty about and worked it with their sponsor ( a very caring person) via that step program. I have seen an absolutely amazing transformation take place in part because of that program. I see happiness I have not seen that person show for over a decade. It brings joy to my life to see it.

So, I would highly consider something like that if this is haunting you as much as I know it would haunt me.
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This is why i posted about it in a public forum of my peers. Its my way of coming to terms and realizing the $$ loss did not cause the situation despite it haunting me.

This was the year of our contracted trip-- so its all very vivid to me right now.

Thanks Jem

surf
 
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Sometimes you make choices in life
and sometimes choices make you

If it was suppose to be different then it would have been but you can't live your life based on what ifs. I know as men we often have trouble opening up and bottle shit up inside for years and this takes a toll on us both mentally and physically. I just want you to know that if you ever need to talk to anyone about anything my inbox is always open. My offer also stands to any of my fellow brothers on et.
 
thanks for posting your confession on this thread,but my opinion to you is go and see a psychologist they will know the appropriate answer and how to overcome the situation.
dealing with people who suffer from depression is really hard as i have had to deal with 3 close people last year with depression and they wore me down literally.and also costed me thousands of dollars through trading because they clogged up my mind and i just kept on making stupid decisions.
you probably blame yourself for the situation as any good human would do but you say that you have not seen her for a while. how do you know, it could be other people who stuffed her around,she could of been in a bad relationship or hundreds of other things.
overall gets some professional advice.it will help you
 
marketsurfer said:
back in 1998 i launched my first hedge fund. It was initially funded with a substantial sum of capital by my first real girlfriend from highschool.

I did well, so she became my largest single investor--- ever in one of my ventures. Obviously, i couldn't tell my then wife about her capital investment-- this bothered me.

As fate would have it, i attempted to call the bottom of the tech crash and failed I lost.

The fund crashed and burned, her money was lost. She cut off contact with me.

One evening, some time later, i recd a phone call from her number. I didn't answer-- there was no message left.

To my dismay and deep regret, i found out several weeks later-- she was found dead the night of the phone call. A suicide.

What if took the call? I was afraid of hearing crap about losing her families generational money-- i had no idea that she was suicidal and thats why she called me.

She was a keeper of my memories from my childhood-- now her and those memories are gone forever.

Needless to say i remain deeply disturbed about this situation. I will wonder forever what if i would have taken that call....
Or not lost the money--

I am well aware that correlation is not causation but my emotional side keeps me wondering----

Thanks for reading

Peace

surf
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Sad story mate. You were both guilty, she should have never entrusted all her capital to one investment entity, especially a hedge fund, you obviously overleveraged. Sorry to hear about what happened, although she is gone, the guilt is obviously still there for not trying to at least stop her. But maybe there was little you could have done anyway even if you did answer.
 
MS be certain in yourself that contrary to popular belief you cannot really change other people. You can only attempt change them. Other people can only change themselves.Physical restraint only works temporarily. It is only sometimes possible to reach logically oriented when not in the grips of a strong emotional situation. If you believe in the after life she will understand and forgive.
 
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