Marketsurfer's confession

[marketsurfer]

back in 1998 i launched my first hedge fund. It was initially funded with a substantial sum of capital by my first real girlfriend from highschool.

I did well, so she became my largest single investor--- ever in one of my ventures. Obviously, i couldn't tell my then wife about her capital investment-- this bothered me.

As fate would have it, i attempted to call the bottom of the tech crash and failed I lost.

The fund crashed and burned, her money was lost. She cut off contact with me.

One evening, some time later, i recd a phone call from her number. I didn't answer-- there was no message left.

To my dismay and deep regret, i found out several weeks later-- she was found dead the night of the phone call. A suicide.

What if took the call? I was afraid of hearing crap about losing her families generational money-- i had no idea that she was suicidal and thats why she called me.

She was a keeper of my memories from my childhood-- now her and those memories are gone forever.

Needless to say i remain deeply disturbed about this situation. I will wonder forever what if i would have taken that call....
Or not lost the money--

I am well aware that correlation is not causation but my emotional side keeps me wondering----

Thanks for reading

Peace

surf

 

[Baron]

Wow. Crazy story. Just think how much more screwed up in the head you would be about the whole thing if you took the call and she killed herself while on the phone with you.

Whenever you find your mind wondering about worries of the past or anxiety about the future, it's time to give your brain a creative task to do to get yourself out of that loop. One thing that ALWAYS works is to create a list of 5 or 10 things that you're truly thankful for today. I'm always amazed at how good I feel after I do that. Give it a shot.

 

[nitro]

surf, so sorry about that. I can only imagine the grief and guilt that you feel. I am no psychologist so take this with the smallest grain of salt.

If it were me, I would just do what Forrest did, but in your own way. Write her a letter, and tell her how you feel and say what you have to in order to let all the grief and all the guilt out. Do this in front of her gravestone. Then, ask her that you need to move on, and you hope that she wishes you well.

 

[marketsurfer]

Wow. Crazy story. Just think how much more screwed up in the head you would be about the whole thing if you took the call and she killed herself while on the phone with you.

Whenever you find your mind wondering about worries of the past or anxiety about the future, it's time to give your brain a creative task to do to get yourself out of that loop. One thing that ALWAYS works is to create a list of 5 or 10 things that you're truly thankful for today. I'm always amazed at how good I feel after I do that. Give it a shot.

Thanks Baron. I am so incredibly regretful --

we made an oath-- signed in blood --in 9th grade that when we turned 50-- we would ride motorcycles around the world-- that contract was sealed and buried under a tree on my parent's old property. We were all mystical and so stupid back then yet so innocent.

We would do the dumbest shit like i would tie a rope around my waist then hold her by her ankles off of a railroad bridge so she could do graffiti. Which is still there to the best of knowledge. Clearly she was a psychotic artist trust fund type but that energy and craziness was so fun but i knew better than to embrace it fully. Yet i took her money..... Man, that was just wrong. I should have just said no. She trusted me explicitly.

I am happy and live my dream and she's dead after apparently a long struggle with depression --i basically ignored her for many years due to other relationships and not being able to face the money loss directly without being a cold a((hole about it.

peace

 

[marketsurfer]

surf, so sorry about that. I can only imagine the grief and guilt that you feel. I am no psychologist so take this with the smallest grain of salt.

If it were me, I would just do what Forrest did, but in your own way. Write her a letter, and tell her how you feel and say what you have to in order to let all the grief and all the guilt out. Do this in front of her gravestone. Then, ask her that you need to move on, and you hope that she wishes you well.

Thanks Nitro. I think i could have delayed or prevented her killing herself if i had listened to or spoke to her. It's terrible. surf

 

[Frederick Foresight]

One outcome of trauma, particularly when overwhelmed with feelings of helplessness at the time, is the inability to process the event and properly move on with your life. It gets stuck, imprinted in our minds and for whatever reason (to finally get it right, perhaps?) we keep reliving it in our minds and/or in our lives in one form or another. You may wish to give that some thought. An excellent book I recently read on this very topic is The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, by Bessel van der Kolk MD.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/06...rd_t=36701&pf_rd_p=2079475242&pf_rd_i=desktop

 

[lawrence-lugar]

back in 1998 i launched my first hedge fund.


As fate would have it, i attempted to call the bottom of the tech crash and failed I lost.

The fund crashed and burned,

One evening, some time later, i recd a phone call from her number. I didn't answer-- there was no message left.
To my dismay and deep regret, i found out several weeks later-- she was found dead the night of the phone call. A suicide.

Diversify and hedge.
You can't play the role of the cowboy rogue trader aiming for sexy returns with other people's money ops: :eek:

 

[dealmaker]

back in 1998 i launched my first hedge fund. It was initially funded with a substantial sum of capital by my first real girlfriend from highschool.

I did well, so she became my largest single investor--- ever in one of my ventures. Obviously, i couldn't tell my then wife about her capital investment-- this bothered me.

As fate would have it, i attempted to call the bottom of the tech crash and failed I lost.

The fund crashed and burned, her money was lost. She cut off contact with me.

One evening, some time later, i recd a phone call from her number. I didn't answer-- there was no message left.

To my dismay and deep regret, i found out several weeks later-- she was found dead the night of the phone call. A suicide.

What if took the call? I was afraid of hearing crap about losing her families generational money-- i had no idea that she was suicidal and thats why she called me.

She was a keeper of my memories from my childhood-- now her and those memories are gone forever.

Needless to say i remain deeply disturbed about this situation. I will wonder forever what if i would have taken that call....
Or not lost the money--

I am well aware that correlation is not causation but my emotional side keeps me wondering----

Thanks for reading

Peace

surf

That is some story and Baron's advice is on the money....

 

[Nine_Ender]

Diversify and hedge.
You can't play the role of the cowboy rogue trader aiming for sexy returns with other people's money ops: :eek:

Although he does show empathy for his lost friend, which is a good thing, he still defrauded her of her money. One might look for signs that he learned from his mistakes. I'm not seeing it, he still makes grandiose statements about trading, trying to make the big kill. He still solicits other people's money despite showing minimal understanding of risk management. He still casually uses the term "psychotic".

Here's what should happen now that he is "successful". He should refund all lost money with interest to the decease's estate or close family members. He should consider donating some money to charities that support mentally ill or suicidal people. He should own up to his mistake 100%, and not seek to rationalize what has occurred.

I think he wants to do the right thing, but needs a little push to do so. I think the guilt will subside somewhat if he makes positive changes now.

 

[dealmaker]

Although he does show empathy for his lost friend, which is a good thing, he still defrauded her of her money. One might look for signs that he learned from his mistakes. I'm not seeing it, he still makes grandiose statements about trading, trying to make the big kill. He still solicits other people's money despite showing minimal understanding of risk management. He still casually uses the term "psychotic".

Here's what should happen now that he is "successful". He should refund all lost money with interest to the decease's estate or close family members. He should consider donating some money to charities that support mentally ill or suicidal people. He should own up to his mistake 100%, and not seek to rationalize what has occurred.

I think he wants to do the right thing, but needs a little push to do so. I think the guilt will subside somewhat if he makes positive changes now.

How did fraud get here?