Jokes
- Thread starter dgabriel
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A Gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the verge of being burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and become a mechanic.
He found out from the local technical college what was involved,
signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.
When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a Score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying "I don't want to
appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there has been an error which needs adjusting."
The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart
perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."
The instructor went on to say, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler."
He found out from the local technical college what was involved,
signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.
When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a Score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying "I don't want to
appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there has been an error which needs adjusting."
The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart
perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."
The instructor went on to say, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler."
Who would have guessed you were to Biblically "know" your client?!?!
http://www.globeandmail.com/servlet.../RBROK/Business/business/business_temp/1/1/5/
http://www.globeandmail.com/servlet.../RBROK/Business/business/business_temp/1/1/5/
Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a Perfect "10"?
A: Two 5 year olds.
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing?
A. The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out.
Q. Have you heard about Michael Jackson's new book?
A. It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing"
A: Two 5 year olds.
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing?
A. The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out.
Q. Have you heard about Michael Jackson's new book?
A. It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing"
OPTIONAL777 (ID=2302) (Dec 13, 2002 10:57:07 AM)
Q: What is the difference between the Dresden bombing and Germany's best comedian?
A: Only the first one can make you smile.
wild (ID=2284) (Dec 13, 2002 11:03:48 AM)
"Churchill said: 'The destruction of Dresden remains a serious query against the conduct of Allied bombing. I am of the opinion that military objectives must henceforward be more strictly studied....I feel the need for more precise concentration upon military objectives such as oil and communications behind the immediate battle-zone, rather than on mere acts of terror and wanton destruction however impressive.'
OPTIONAL777 (ID=2302) (Dec 13, 2002 11:08:46 AM)
Q: How many people from Dresden can you fit in a mini van?
A: About 25000 if you've got a shovel
wild (ID=2284) (Dec 13, 2002 11:10:02 AM)
''In Slaughterhouse Five, -- Or the Children's Crusade, Vonnegut finally delivers a complete treatise on the World War II bombing of Dresden. The main character, Billy Pilgrim, is a very young infantry scout* who is captured in the Battle of the Bulge and quartered in a Dresden slaughterhouse where he and other prisoners are employed in the production of a vitamin supplement for pregnant women. During the February 13, 1945, firebombing by Allied aircraft, the prisoners take shelter in an underground meat locker. When they emerge, the city has been levelled and they are forced to dig corpses out of the rubble. The story of Billy Pilgrim is the story of Kurt Vonnegut who was captured and survived the firestorm in which 135,000 German civilians perished, more than the number of deaths in the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki combined. Robert Scholes sums up the theme of Slaughterhouse Five in the New York Times Book Review, writing: 'Be kind. Don't hurt. Death is coming for all of us anyway, and it is better to
Q: What is the difference between the Dresden bombing and Germany's best comedian?
A: Only the first one can make you smile.
wild (ID=2284) (Dec 13, 2002 11:03:48 AM)
"Churchill said: 'The destruction of Dresden remains a serious query against the conduct of Allied bombing. I am of the opinion that military objectives must henceforward be more strictly studied....I feel the need for more precise concentration upon military objectives such as oil and communications behind the immediate battle-zone, rather than on mere acts of terror and wanton destruction however impressive.'
OPTIONAL777 (ID=2302) (Dec 13, 2002 11:08:46 AM)
Q: How many people from Dresden can you fit in a mini van?
A: About 25000 if you've got a shovel
wild (ID=2284) (Dec 13, 2002 11:10:02 AM)
''In Slaughterhouse Five, -- Or the Children's Crusade, Vonnegut finally delivers a complete treatise on the World War II bombing of Dresden. The main character, Billy Pilgrim, is a very young infantry scout* who is captured in the Battle of the Bulge and quartered in a Dresden slaughterhouse where he and other prisoners are employed in the production of a vitamin supplement for pregnant women. During the February 13, 1945, firebombing by Allied aircraft, the prisoners take shelter in an underground meat locker. When they emerge, the city has been levelled and they are forced to dig corpses out of the rubble. The story of Billy Pilgrim is the story of Kurt Vonnegut who was captured and survived the firestorm in which 135,000 German civilians perished, more than the number of deaths in the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki combined. Robert Scholes sums up the theme of Slaughterhouse Five in the New York Times Book Review, writing: 'Be kind. Don't hurt. Death is coming for all of us anyway, and it is better to
Funny stuff, that Churchill was a riot.
As long as we are telling the whole story, why not look at the website Wild posted in his comments immediately following my query to him about the German concentration camps in today's chat session:
wild (ID=2284) (Dec 13, 2002 11:22:53 AM)
http://www.boer.co.za/boerwar/hellkamp.htm
Go to that link, http://www.boer.co.za/boerwar/hellkamp.htm, and in the last paragraph you will find this:
".........Yet, after World War 2, England mercilessly insisted on a frantic retribution campaign against the whole German nation for the purported Jewish holocaust."
Purported Jewish holocaust?
Then take a look at the "objective" sources for the article:
Sources
Message of Vryheidsaksie Boererepublieke to the queen of England.
Mediadienste. (1995) P 1 - 7.
Suid-Afrikaanse en Algemene Geskiedenis vir Senior Matriek, (Tweede Uitgawe) by BG Lindeque. Juta (1948) Pp 235, 239, 240, 249 - 258, 268 - 272.
Juta se Nuwe Geskiedenisleesboeke vir primêre Skole, Standerd IV by Alice Jenner. Juta. (Date of publication unknown) Pp 41, 42, 49 - 54.
Russia and the Anglo-Boer War 1899 - 1902 by Elisaveta Kandyba- Foxcroft. CUM Roodepoort. (1981) P 254.
Vir Volk en Vryheid by PF Bruwer. Oranjewerkers Promosies. (1988) Pp 346, 348, 407, 411 - 413, 416 - 455.
Die Laaste Veldslag by Franz Conradie. Daan Retief Publishers. (1981) Pp 62, 77, 78, 83, 123 - 126, 129 - 132.
Historical Geography of South Africa. Special edition for Standard III of South African Schools edited by F Handel Thompson. Henry Frowde, Oxford University Press, Hodder & Stoughton, Warwick Square EC. (1914) Pp 160, 165, 167 - 168.
Gewapende Protes by PG Hendriks. Oranjewerkers Promosies. (1988) Pp 8, 11, 12, 21, 24, 27, 29, 30, 46, 53 - 62, 94, 95.
Kroniek van die Kampkinders by HS van Blerk. Oranjewerkers Promosies. (1989) Pp 35 - 38, 49, 65 - 67, 70, 74, 75, 152.
From Van Riebeeck to Vorster 1652 - 1974. An Introduction to the History of the Republic of South Africa by FA van Jaarsveld.Perskor. (1975) Pp 197, 199, 202 - 205, 209, 217 - 220, 253.
Vyftig Gedigte van C Louis Leipoldt, 'n keur deur WEG Louw. Tafelberg Publishers. (First edition 1946) Pp 19 - 23.
Gedigte by AG Visser (third print). JL van Schaik. (1928) Pp 57 -61.
Family narrations as recounted since the Second War of Independence from generation to generation. (Author's great-great-grandmother was detained and tortured in the concentration camp at Heilbron.)
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One has to wonder if in 100 years when all the Holocaust survivors are dead, if German History books will portray themselves as victims of American, and British agression during WWII.
How objective of Wild, the German National, to be posting a link to justify his anti-American tendencies. An article written by someone who sees the Jewish holocaust as only purported.
What is the definition and usage of purported in the above sentence?
pur·port ( P ) Pronunciation Key (pr-pôrt, -prt)
tr.v. pur·port·ed, pur·port·ing, pur·ports
To have or present the often false appearance of being or intending;
So Wild, the supporter of the Taliban, is suggesting by posting the link, that we should take the position that the Holocaust never happened, but was only purported, and that the Americans and the British are worse than the Germans were during WWII.
Sorry, but I just have to call a Nazi a Nazi.
Wild is a Nazi, a Nazi apologist, an anti-American, anti-Israel, Taliban supporting, and pro Saddam Hussein supporter.
Is that a joke?
Wild is a joke. A bad joke, in poor taste, but a joke none the less.
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