Jokes

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Hahahahaaahhaahahaaha!!! (LOL)

This will teach me to be eating while I read the 'Jokes' thread.
I almost lost a monitor.


Quote from rs7:

Third grade classroom.

Teacher is doing vocabulary.

Teacher asks Sally to use the word "wonderful" in a sentence.
Sally says "I went to a party and had a wonderful time".

Teacher asks Suzi to use the word "photograph" in a sentence.
Suzi says "I have a photograph of my whole family in a frame on the wall of my bedroom".

Teacher asks Aphie to use the word "urinate" in a sentence.
Aphie says "Urinate....if you had tits you'd be a ten".


:D
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Buckwheat and Darla were in school, and the teacher asks Darla: "How do you spell 'dumb'?"

Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb."

The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."

She says, "Buckwheat is dumb."

The teacher says, "Now spell 'stupid'."

Darla says, "s-t-u-p-i-d, stupid."

The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."

Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid."

When the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says, "Buckwheat, spell dictate."

Buckwheat stands and says, "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."

The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."

Buckwheat ponders for a few seconds, then spurts out, "I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"
 
A young indian boy goes into his father's tee-pee and says"father, where do us Indians get our names from??"

the great Indian chief replies" when your sister was born I opened the flap to the tee-pee and saw a beautiful meadow of buttercup flowers on the horizon...so I named her PRINCESS BUTTERCUP...the boy looked puzzled so the Indian chief continued..

"when your brother was born, I opened the tee-pee and saw a grey wolf running in the field so we named him RUNNING WOLF"

The the Great Indian chief looked at his son and asked " you seem puzzled, what's the matter TWO DOGS FUCKING?"
 
Quote from goldenarm:

Buckwheat ponders for a few seconds, then spurts out, "I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"
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I think this is the joke that Tiger Woods told and took some flack for it. Price of a high profile.
 
One female trader at a firm was making a fortune on QQQ every morning.
No matter what the trade, she made money.
The other traders were curious and asked her the secret.

She said "when I get up in the morning, and my husband's dick is hanging to the right.....I go short. When it hangs to the left......I go long."

One of the traders, being the pest he was asked "and what do you do if it is straight up?"

She said, "I stay home, ain't no day to go trading....."
 
1970: Long hair
2000: Longing for hair

1970: The perfect high.
2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund.

1970: Keg.
2000: EKG.

1970: Acid Rock.
2000: Acid Reflux.

1970: Moving to California because it's cool.
2000: Moving to California because it's warm.

1970: Growing pot.
2000: Growing pot belly.

1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.
2000: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children.

1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

1970: Seeds and stems.
2000: Roughage.

1970: Popping pills, smoking joints.
2000: Popping joints.

1970: U.S. president's struggle with Fidel.
2000: U.S. president's struggle with fidelity.

1970: Killer weed.
2000: Weed killer.

1970: Hoping for a BMW.
2000: Hoping for a BM.

1970: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
2000: Getting a new hip joint.

1970: Rolling Stones.
2000: Kidney stones.

1970: Being called into the principal's office.
2000: Calling the principal's office.

1970: Screw the system!
2000: Upgrade the system!

1970: Peace sign.
2000: Mercedes logo.

1970: Parents begging you to get your hair cut.
2000: Children begging you to get their heads shaved.

1970: Take acid.
2000: Take antacid.

1970: Passing the driver's test.
2000: Passing the vision test.
 
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