Jokes 2

SEX ADVICE BY CHAIN LETTER.......….. IT WORKS!

I never send chain letters, but this one works.
You will be offered sex advice by simply passing it forward! It's incredible!

Send "OBAMA LOVES YOU" to your top ten recipients.

I bet at least 9 will reply telling you to go fuc yourself.
 
A guy comes home from work to find his wife packing her stuff in a hurry. He asks, "Honey, what are you doing?"

His wife answers, "I'm leaving you and going to Vegas."

Stunned he asks, "Why?"

She replied, "I can earn $400 out there for what I give you for free."

The husband hurriedly starts packing his stuff also.

Puzzled the wife asks, "What are you doing?"

He responds, "Packing to go to Vegas. I want to see how you live on $800 a year."
 
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, D.C.

Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire U.S. Congress and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going car to car, collecting donations."

"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."
 
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Kiss me she asked the doctor.
No. You're a beautiful woman, but I can't.
Please she pleaded.
Absolutely not he responded. It's against the code of ethics. I shouldn't even be fucking you.
 
PARKING TICKET

My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He just ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "a**hole." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So my wife called him a "s*ithead." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home. We always look for cars with Obama stickers. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's so important at our age!!
 
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