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Citing Safety Concerns, Somali Pirates Refuse to Board Cruise Ships
Fire, Capsizing Top Piratesâ Concerns, Spokesman Says
MOGADISHU (The Borowitz Report) â In yet another public relations setback for the beleaguered cruise industry, Somali pirates today said they would no longer board cruise ships, citing âunsafe working conditions.â
âIf the cruise ship industry thinks that itâs going to be business as usual between them and the Somali pirates, they need to have their heads examined,â said Somali pirate spokesman Sugule.* âWe Somali pirates may be bold, but weâre not crazy.â
The pirate said that the recent fire that crippled the cruise ship Azamara Quest âhas sent a shiver through the pirate community.â
âWe Somali pirates face enough risks without dealing with boats bursting into flames,â he said.* âAnd donât get me started on capsizing.* If you want to call us rats deserting a sinking ship, so be it.â
When asked if the Somali pirates might attempt to board cruise ships in the future, he responded, âI am telling me hearties that if they were thinking of pillaging a cruise ship of its booty over Easter Break, they should make alternative plans.â
Carol Foyler, a spokesperson for cruise industry, said that the cruise ship companies âwould be working overtime to win back the piratesâ trust.â
In the meantime, Ms. Foyler said, the industry would be unveiling a new slogan in the weeks to come: âCome for the fun, stay for the raging inferno.â
Fire, Capsizing Top Piratesâ Concerns, Spokesman Says
MOGADISHU (The Borowitz Report) â In yet another public relations setback for the beleaguered cruise industry, Somali pirates today said they would no longer board cruise ships, citing âunsafe working conditions.â
âIf the cruise ship industry thinks that itâs going to be business as usual between them and the Somali pirates, they need to have their heads examined,â said Somali pirate spokesman Sugule.* âWe Somali pirates may be bold, but weâre not crazy.â
The pirate said that the recent fire that crippled the cruise ship Azamara Quest âhas sent a shiver through the pirate community.â
âWe Somali pirates face enough risks without dealing with boats bursting into flames,â he said.* âAnd donât get me started on capsizing.* If you want to call us rats deserting a sinking ship, so be it.â
When asked if the Somali pirates might attempt to board cruise ships in the future, he responded, âI am telling me hearties that if they were thinking of pillaging a cruise ship of its booty over Easter Break, they should make alternative plans.â
Carol Foyler, a spokesperson for cruise industry, said that the cruise ship companies âwould be working overtime to win back the piratesâ trust.â
In the meantime, Ms. Foyler said, the industry would be unveiling a new slogan in the weeks to come: âCome for the fun, stay for the raging inferno.â
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