Jokes 2

From the Journal of High Energy Physics

Discovery of the Farton

Based on intensive scientific investigation, I would like to report that flatulence is not caused by hydrogen sulfide and other molecular entities as previously believed. In the course of my physics research, I have discovered that it is caused by a previously unknown sub-atomic particle: the farton. The farton, produced mainly in men, is composed of two even smaller particles: the beanon and the rawcabbageon. I have also discovered the antifarton, produced mainly in women. The antifarton is also composed of two even smaller particles: the yuckon and the notaroundmeyouwonton. When the farton and the antifarton collide, they do not annihilate each other like an electron and a positron, but the man does radiate pride.

Also discovered are the existence of the itwasntmyfartonyoujustheardon, produced mainly in women, and the ohyesitwason, produced mainly in men.
 
Quote from abattia:


Discovery of the Farton

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The other day I went to the Patent Office trying to register one of my inventions.

I told the lady at the desk that I invented a folding carton."

"What do you call it?"

"A Farton."

She laughed and said, "That's a silly name for a product and sounds kind of crude."

I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.
 
Tony Neutrino and Angelo Mozilo walk into a bar.

The bartender says "What'll it be?"

Tony says, "I'll have a mortgage on the rocks."

Angelo says, " I'll just have some tanning lotion, I'm driving"
 
My wife went over to the changing room to try on a dress, but she came back and said "It's too small, I couldn't get into it"

I said, "Never mind, the dress probably wouldn't have fitted you either".
 
“On Sunday (May 6, 2012) around 2 p.m., I will be clerking at Borsheims, desperate to beat my sales figure from last year. So come take advantage of me. Ask me for my ‘Crazy Warren’ price.”

:D
 
Useful Dog Tricks

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:) :) :)
 
You guys may not belive this but I'll tell you anyways. I had to meet up with fuck chops ( former son in law) the other day.He has a son by his new girl friend who is now almost 4yo.I have never talk to the kid, but FC had his son with him on that day and I said hello and when I first meet kids I usually ask "want do you want to be when you grow up?".

I kid you not, I asked him what he wanted to be when he grows up and he says "A girl". :D I am laughing my ass off, looked at FC and shake my head. His father has steam coming out of his ears.

I said, "I'll buy you your first dress for your next birthday".

Totally f'n crack up and I couldn't have scripted it better myself.
 
A man goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I think I might be gay."

The doctor said he would run a few tests and asked the man to undress. The doctor then grabbed the man's balls and said, "Say the number 55."

The man says, "55."

The doctor then grabbed the man's penis and said, "Say the number 55."

The man says, "55."

The doctor said he had one final test and needed the man to bend over. The doctor then inserted his finger into the man's ass and said, "Say the number 55."

The man said, "1..2..3.."
 
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