Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
A priest, a rapist, and a pedophile walk into a bar............. And that was just the first guy.
What's the difference between a politician and an onion? Nobody cries when you cut up a politician.
What's the difference between a politician and an onion? Nobody cries when you cut up a politician.
My wife sent me a text earlier, "Where are you?"
I replied, "I'm on a private plane to Pakistan. I've been meaning to tell you that I've been a Secret Agent for many years now and am currently embarking on my most dangerous mission. I may not make it so if you don't see me again tell the kids I love them."
5 minutes later she replied, "You're in the Pub aren't you?"
I replied, "Of course I'm in the fucking pub. where else do you think I'd be?"
I replied, "I'm on a private plane to Pakistan. I've been meaning to tell you that I've been a Secret Agent for many years now and am currently embarking on my most dangerous mission. I may not make it so if you don't see me again tell the kids I love them."
5 minutes later she replied, "You're in the Pub aren't you?"
I replied, "Of course I'm in the fucking pub. where else do you think I'd be?"
I was getting changed at swimming pool and there was a knock on the cubicle wall.
Noticing a hole at waist height, I stuck my cock through and it was immediately engulfed by wetness. I closed my eyes in anticipation but after a few minutes nothing had happened.
I bent down to the hole and whispered "Oi what's going on?"
"Sorry mate," came the reply, "there's no hooks in here and I needed somewhere to hang my trunks."
Noticing a hole at waist height, I stuck my cock through and it was immediately engulfed by wetness. I closed my eyes in anticipation but after a few minutes nothing had happened.
I bent down to the hole and whispered "Oi what's going on?"
"Sorry mate," came the reply, "there's no hooks in here and I needed somewhere to hang my trunks."
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you believe that..... 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
Man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the laundry is building up!"
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I went to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.
Man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the laundry is building up!"
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I went to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.