Jokes 2

Still Funny

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an as-hole.
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of -----------
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

:) :) :)
 
After Cramer asked Geithner if Geithner feared he could be fired, Geithner responded, “I’m hoping!"

You know what made think of Cramer? On the other thread "Rage" the guy reminds me of
Cramer.
 
"Nutmeg Goes Fishin'"


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I have written to the President of the American Psychiatric Association in the hope he will include a new mental disorder in the next edition of their psychiatric bible, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM).



The obsessive-compulsive nature of RBOs ( Recreational Boat Ownership) is exhibited by their Sisipheon attempts to keep things "shipshape." It involves the anal retentive use of numerous - and sometimes noxious - liquids and solids to almost constantly clean and lubricate various boat parts.

And RBO sufferers uniformly label boat parts with names even stranger than doctors call body parts. As a mental health professional, you'll be shocked to learn that to RBOs, a 'wall' becomes a 'bulkhead', a'ceiling' becomes an 'overhead', and the toilet becomes, simply, a 'head'. Any group which sees their heads as toilets definitely needs help.

Sailboat owners - a subculture of RBOs - are among the worst. They constantly demonstrate classic passive-aggressive signs by not sailing directly into the wind but avoiding such a course with sly manipulations they call tacking. They become models of self-victimization - with traces of a persecution complex - when they encounter no wind. They call that state 'in irons'. And they show their grandiosity by terming bow platforms 'pulpits', and motorized yachts 'stink pots'.

RBO victims are not in total denial when it comes to their illogical spending habits. Many call their vessels "holes in the water into which you pour money." Yet they keep buying them. And they keep demonstrating their psychosis - their complete loss of touch with reality - by enjoying them. It's proof positive the whole lot is masochistic.

This is why I petition you to list RBO in your next edition of the DSM. At the least, it will make the millions of RBO sufferers eligible for medical benefits under the Americans with Disabilities Act so they can get help.

Sincerely

Dr Stunata
 
WASHINGTON — The antipsychotic drug Thorazine has been named the official medication of the ET Joke thread. A recent post on Nutmeg'sTwitter account read: “Looking forward to being official Thorazine spokesperson.”

Thorazine is the brand name for chlorpromazine, an antipsychotic medication used to treat a variety of mental disorders associated with delusional behavior.
 
Quote from mgookin:

If you're dumb enough to buy a POS Bayliner I guess you're dumb enough to run into the pole.
More...

Looks like one of those Third World Weapons of Mass Destruction.

"Today Jerusalem was bombarded with Bayliners. Al Qaeda claimed responsibility." However, sources say it's just boat sellers reducing unsold inventory.
 
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