Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
Hey don't believe these guys. (I scooped the Post, lmao)
Below it, written in Chinese, is the slogan: âWeâre so cool, arenât we?â
Read more: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/intern...the_bird_noesFfsLzH9n1JGghJgBYO#ixzz1ZjgbMd2S
Sorry for the long joke.....
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I saw a girl walking down the street that I fucked years ago, so I ran up behind her, covered her eyes and whispered, "Guess who... I took your virginity..."
She said, "Dad?"
"Dad?" I replied, staggering back in disgust. "You lost your virginity to your Dad?"
She turned round and said, "Oh... It's you... I told you that you were my first because I was ashamed of what happened with my..."
"I don't want to hear it," I interrupted. "Fuck you, and your Dad."
As I walked off, I turned round and shouted, "Tell him Uncle Tony won't be coming round this Christmas."
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I saw a girl walking down the street that I fucked years ago, so I ran up behind her, covered her eyes and whispered, "Guess who... I took your virginity..."
She said, "Dad?"
"Dad?" I replied, staggering back in disgust. "You lost your virginity to your Dad?"
She turned round and said, "Oh... It's you... I told you that you were my first because I was ashamed of what happened with my..."
"I don't want to hear it," I interrupted. "Fuck you, and your Dad."
As I walked off, I turned round and shouted, "Tell him Uncle Tony won't be coming round this Christmas."
Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.
Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it â let alone turn it on â even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.
Rumor has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month and can be a real bitch to start in the morning!
New models are initially fun to own, but very expensive to maintain and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially have curb appeal (low price) but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel and the curb weight typically increases with age.
Not expected to reach collector status⦠best to lease one and replace each year.
Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it â let alone turn it on â even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.
Rumor has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month and can be a real bitch to start in the morning!
New models are initially fun to own, but very expensive to maintain and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially have curb appeal (low price) but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel and the curb weight typically increases with age.
Not expected to reach collector status⦠best to lease one and replace each year.
Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft engineers are about to board a train to a computer conference. The Microsoft engineers notice that the Apple engineers bought only one ticket between them. The Microsoft engineers ask the Apple engineers how they plan on getting to the conference. "Watch and learn," one of the Apple engineers tells them.
As soon as the train leaves the station, the three Apple engineers rush from their seats and all squeeze into one restroom. When the conductor comes through the car he knocks on the restroom door and says "ticket please!" The door opens a crack and the one ticket is handed to the conductor. The Microsoft engineers are impressed, and decide that's what they will do on the trip back.
Then on the return trip, the Microsoft engineers notice that the Apple engineers haven't bought any tickets. "How do you plan on getting home without any tickets?" they ask. "Watch and learn," one of the Apple engineers tells them.
As soon as the train leaves the station, the three Microsoft engineers hurry for the restroom. A few moments later, one of the Apple engineers gets up from his seat, knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket please!"
As soon as the train leaves the station, the three Apple engineers rush from their seats and all squeeze into one restroom. When the conductor comes through the car he knocks on the restroom door and says "ticket please!" The door opens a crack and the one ticket is handed to the conductor. The Microsoft engineers are impressed, and decide that's what they will do on the trip back.
Then on the return trip, the Microsoft engineers notice that the Apple engineers haven't bought any tickets. "How do you plan on getting home without any tickets?" they ask. "Watch and learn," one of the Apple engineers tells them.
As soon as the train leaves the station, the three Microsoft engineers hurry for the restroom. A few moments later, one of the Apple engineers gets up from his seat, knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket please!"
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could help check her balance.
As I'm not one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.
As I'm not one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.
Bad, Very Bad
I would like to share with all of you an experience I had recently. It has to do with drinking and driving, which is very, very bad.
As you know some of us have had brushes with the authorities over the years. So, the other night I was out for dinner with a few friends. After consuming too much beer and knowing full well that I was wasted, I did something I've never done before. Believe it or not I took a bus home. Yes, that's right, a bus.
I arrived home safely and without incident. This was really a surprise to me since I had never actually driven a bus before...
I would like to share with all of you an experience I had recently. It has to do with drinking and driving, which is very, very bad.
As you know some of us have had brushes with the authorities over the years. So, the other night I was out for dinner with a few friends. After consuming too much beer and knowing full well that I was wasted, I did something I've never done before. Believe it or not I took a bus home. Yes, that's right, a bus.
I arrived home safely and without incident. This was really a surprise to me since I had never actually driven a bus before...