Jokes 2

Quote from gwb-trading:

Men in Heaven
-----------------------------

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for themen who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to
St. Peter."

Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.

The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, here was only one man.

God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
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haha..lol...:))))
 
Quote from as678:

"Rod Blagojevich was arrested for trying to sell a seat in the Senate to the highest bidder. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. And folks, if convicted, he could wind up in prison, where his seat will be sold to the highest bidder." --Conan O'Brien
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I see weiner is trying to influence who gets his seat.

Must be like the stock exchange, sell seats.
 
"All we do is argue, we need to learn to get along," my wife said.

"So let's try and speak the same language from now on, okay?"

"Moooooooo," I replied
 
Some wit remarked that Greece is a country full of ruins

well, time and conflict can accept responsibility for the architecture

and the anarchists, unions and socialism are doing a huge demolition job on their finances imho
 
Quote from TGregg:

Think you're having a bad day?

Wrongly pronounced dead woman dies of shock at own funeral

Cats are said to have nine lives, but some humans apparently have two — at least that’s seems to be the case when you look at the story of Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov.

Mukhametzyanov died from a heart attack that was prompted by waking up to see she had been wrongly declared dead and placed in a coffin.

When she opened her eyes in her casket, the 49-year-old Russian woman could hear mourners around her praying for her soul to ascend to Heaven, reports the Daily Mail. Mukhametzyanov allegedly began to scream as she realized what was going on.

Mukhametzyanov’s heartbroken spouse Fagili was originally told his wife passed away from a heart attack after she collapsed at home suffering from chest pains. After she awoke during the memorial service, Fagili took his wife to the hospital.

“Her eyes fluttered and we immediately rushed her back to the hospital but she only lived for another 12 minutes in intensive care before she died again, this time for good,” Fagili said.

As to be expected, Fagili is upset about his wife’s unusual fate.

“I am very angry and want answers. She wasn’t dead when they said she was and they could have saved her,” Fagili said.


http://news.yahoo.com/s/dailycaller...glypronounceddeadwomandiesofshockatownfuneral
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Not so sure, "this time for good" were well chosen words.
 
I went into the doctors earlier and I said to him

'Doctor you really have to help me one of my balls is ten times bigger than the other!'

He replied 'Well lets take a look at it and I'll see if I can help you'

So I started to grasp, with two hands a huge testicle and set it on his table

The doctor looked really surprised and said ' wow that is huge!'

'Wait untill you've seen my swollen one' I replied
 
Doc: 'Your eye hurts when you drink tea, so you can't drink tea.'
Blonde: 'But I love tea.'
Doc: 'Okay, as long as you take the spoon out.'

:) :) :)
 
Quote from nutmeg:

I went into the doctors earlier and I said to him

'Doctor you really have to help me one of my balls is ten times bigger than the other!'

He replied 'Well lets take a look at it and I'll see if I can help you'

So I started to grasp, with two hands a huge testicle and set it on his table

The doctor looked really surprised and said ' wow that is huge!'

'Wait untill you've seen my swollen one' I replied
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HAHAHA!! Get well soon!
 
I was interviewing a Russian man at work today.

"Hello Vladimir or do your prefer Vlad?"

" Either will do he said."

"Okay Either, why do you want to work for this company?"
 
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