Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
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Love For Maria
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gee whiz yannis, brings back memories, I suppose I should tell you my true story about a snow goose that fell in love with me.
A few years ago, the first nice sunny spring day I hopped on my riding mower, shirt off ready to mow. On my lawn was a snow goose. I'd never seen one here so I got some bread and fed him.
She couldn't fly, her wing tip was shot off, and that is how she arrived here. Their migratory route is west of here and she drifted down the river.
This bird would follow me back and forth on the mower, it was funny as hell. She would play with the kids and they named her "loosey goosey".
This snow goose hooked up with a very old, worn out Candaian goose who could barely just fly but mostly limped around and together they spent the summer here. The Canadian goose was wary but not loosey.
In the fall we called a wild life guy and he captured them to take to a bird sanctuary for the winter. The kids were crying, I asked if he could leave loosey here for a few more weeks, he said sure and let her go.
Now loosey was frightened of everything, me, the kids and ran away whenever we approached.
We had an indian summer day, sunny and warm, the wife and kids were out shopping and I took of my shirt and commenced to mow one last time. Loosey saw me with my shirt off and came running up to me like long lost friends. My old loosey was back.
When everyone came back from shopping, I told them to watch me. I walked over to the goose with my shirt on and loosey was just standing about 20 yards away. I ripped off my shirt and yelled" Come to daddy" and the friggin goose is running up to me.
lmao. The wildlife guy came back, took loosey to another home. The end.
Next year, One white snow goose landed on my property for a day and left. Same thing the next year, one white goose. I figured it was loosey's mate. never been back since.
A few years ago, the first nice sunny spring day I hopped on my riding mower, shirt off ready to mow. On my lawn was a snow goose. I'd never seen one here so I got some bread and fed him.
She couldn't fly, her wing tip was shot off, and that is how she arrived here. Their migratory route is west of here and she drifted down the river.
This bird would follow me back and forth on the mower, it was funny as hell. She would play with the kids and they named her "loosey goosey".
This snow goose hooked up with a very old, worn out Candaian goose who could barely just fly but mostly limped around and together they spent the summer here. The Canadian goose was wary but not loosey.
In the fall we called a wild life guy and he captured them to take to a bird sanctuary for the winter. The kids were crying, I asked if he could leave loosey here for a few more weeks, he said sure and let her go.
Now loosey was frightened of everything, me, the kids and ran away whenever we approached.
We had an indian summer day, sunny and warm, the wife and kids were out shopping and I took of my shirt and commenced to mow one last time. Loosey saw me with my shirt off and came running up to me like long lost friends. My old loosey was back.
When everyone came back from shopping, I told them to watch me. I walked over to the goose with my shirt on and loosey was just standing about 20 yards away. I ripped off my shirt and yelled" Come to daddy" and the friggin goose is running up to me.
lmao. The wildlife guy came back, took loosey to another home. The end.
Next year, One white snow goose landed on my property for a day and left. Same thing the next year, one white goose. I figured it was loosey's mate. never been back since.
In a small village in the Poland, a terrifying rumor was spreading: a Christian girl had been found murdered.
Fearing retaliation, the Jewish community gathered in the shul to plan whatever defensive actions were possible under the circumstances.
Just as the emergency meeting was being called to order, in ran the president of the synagogue, out of breath and all excited. "Brothers," he cried out, "I have wonderful news! The murdered girl is Jewish!"
Fearing retaliation, the Jewish community gathered in the shul to plan whatever defensive actions were possible under the circumstances.
Just as the emergency meeting was being called to order, in ran the president of the synagogue, out of breath and all excited. "Brothers," he cried out, "I have wonderful news! The murdered girl is Jewish!"
A Well Written Police Report
"Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Georgia, told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket. When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.
Outside on the sidewalk were four Marines collecting toys for the "Toys for Tots" program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he refused to contribute, spoke very rudely to them and even stabbed one of the Marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back. The injury did not appear to have made a mark on the man's body, although his shirt may have been torn a little.
After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene Cpl. Duggan asked to be transported for treatment but this didn't happen. However, the subject was indeed transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken left ankle, a broken right leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions, assorted lacerations, severe concussion, a broken nose and a broken jaw; injuries he apparently sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine."
"Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Georgia, told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket. When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.
Outside on the sidewalk were four Marines collecting toys for the "Toys for Tots" program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he refused to contribute, spoke very rudely to them and even stabbed one of the Marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back. The injury did not appear to have made a mark on the man's body, although his shirt may have been torn a little.
After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene Cpl. Duggan asked to be transported for treatment but this didn't happen. However, the subject was indeed transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken left ankle, a broken right leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions, assorted lacerations, severe concussion, a broken nose and a broken jaw; injuries he apparently sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine."
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