Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
DJ: "96 FM here, what's your name?"
Caller: "Hi, my name's Nutmeg."
DJ: "Nutmeg, what's your word?"
Nutmeg: "Goan... spelt G-O-A-N pronounced 'go-an'."
DJ: "You are correct, Nutmeg, 'goan' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?"
Nutmeg: "Goan fuck yourself!"
To be continued....
Caller: "Hi, my name's Nutmeg."
DJ: "Nutmeg, what's your word?"
Nutmeg: "Goan... spelt G-O-A-N pronounced 'go-an'."
DJ: "You are correct, Nutmeg, 'goan' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?"
Nutmeg: "Goan fuck yourself!"
To be continued....
DJ: "96 FM here, what's your name?"
Caller: "Hi, my name's Nutmeg."
DJ: "Nutmeg, what's your word?"
Nutmeg: "Jizziotherapy'."
DJ: "You are correct, Nutmeg, 'Jizziotherapy' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What is the defintion of "Jizziotherapy".
Nutmeg: "A three minute one-handed massage that relieves stiffness for up to half an hour."
Caller: "Hi, my name's Nutmeg."
DJ: "Nutmeg, what's your word?"
Nutmeg: "Jizziotherapy'."
DJ: "You are correct, Nutmeg, 'Jizziotherapy' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What is the defintion of "Jizziotherapy".
Nutmeg: "A three minute one-handed massage that relieves stiffness for up to half an hour."
Dictionary For Womens Personal Ads
40ish ..................... 49
Adventurous ............... Slept with all your friends
Athletic .................. No Tits
Average looking ........... Has a face like an ass
Beautiful ................. Pathological liar
Contagious smile .......... Does a lot of pills
Educated .................. Fucked to death at college
Emotionally secure ........ On medication
Feminist .................. Fat
Friendship first .......... Former slut/born again virgin
Fun ....................... Annoying
Gentle .................... Dull
Good listener ............. Autistic
New Age ................... Body hair problems
Old fashioned ............. No blow jobs or anal
Open minded ............... Desperate
Outgoing .................. Loud and embarrassing
Passionate ................ Sloppy drunk
Poet ...................... Depressive
Professional .............. Bitch
Romantic .................. Frigid
Social .................... Ass like a clowns pocket
Voluptuous ................ Very fat
Large lady ................ Hugely Fat
Wants soul-mate............ Stalker
Widow ..................... Murderer
40ish ..................... 49
Adventurous ............... Slept with all your friends
Athletic .................. No Tits
Average looking ........... Has a face like an ass
Beautiful ................. Pathological liar
Contagious smile .......... Does a lot of pills
Educated .................. Fucked to death at college
Emotionally secure ........ On medication
Feminist .................. Fat
Friendship first .......... Former slut/born again virgin
Fun ....................... Annoying
Gentle .................... Dull
Good listener ............. Autistic
New Age ................... Body hair problems
Old fashioned ............. No blow jobs or anal
Open minded ............... Desperate
Outgoing .................. Loud and embarrassing
Passionate ................ Sloppy drunk
Poet ...................... Depressive
Professional .............. Bitch
Romantic .................. Frigid
Social .................... Ass like a clowns pocket
Voluptuous ................ Very fat
Large lady ................ Hugely Fat
Wants soul-mate............ Stalker
Widow ..................... Murderer
Another Great Oldie
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, âPerfect timing. Youâre just like Frank.â
Passenger: âWho?â
Cabbie: âFrank Feldman. Heâs a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along just when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.â
Passenger: âThere are always a few clouds over everybody.â
Cabbie: âNot Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.â
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: âThereâs more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybodyâs birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.
Passenger: âWow, some guy then.â
Cabbie: âHe always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.â
Passenger: âAn amazing fellow. How did you meet him?â
Cabbie: âWell, I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife...â
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, âPerfect timing. Youâre just like Frank.â
Passenger: âWho?â
Cabbie: âFrank Feldman. Heâs a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along just when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.â
Passenger: âThere are always a few clouds over everybody.â
Cabbie: âNot Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.â
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: âThereâs more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybodyâs birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.
Passenger: âWow, some guy then.â
Cabbie: âHe always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.â
Passenger: âAn amazing fellow. How did you meet him?â
Cabbie: âWell, I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife...â
Women!
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!
Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused: ''Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,'' she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ''Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.''
A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ''Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."
Her mother just smiled and replied, ''Of course I do, dear... I'm wearing it to the rehearsal!
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!
Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused: ''Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,'' she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ''Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.''
A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ''Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."
Her mother just smiled and replied, ''Of course I do, dear... I'm wearing it to the rehearsal!