Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
Trader looking at porn, great look around at the end
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A blonde was shopping and came across a silver thermos. Fascinated by this object, she brought it to a clerk to ask what it was. âThat's a thermos,â the clerk said. âIt keeps some things hot and some things cold." "Thatâs amazing,â said the blonde, and bought the thermos.
When she took it to work the next day, her boss saw it on her desk. "What do you have there?" he asked. "Why, that's a thermos,â she answered. âIt keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss asked, "What do you have in it?"
She replied, âSoup and a popsicle.â
When she took it to work the next day, her boss saw it on her desk. "What do you have there?" he asked. "Why, that's a thermos,â she answered. âIt keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss asked, "What do you have in it?"
She replied, âSoup and a popsicle.â
Quotations for the New Year
Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty...John Selden
Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits... Unknown
It wouldn't be New Year if I didn't have regrets... William Thomas
Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right... Oprah Winfrey
The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul... G.K. Chesterton
A dog's New Year's Resolution: I will not chase that stick unless I actually see it leave his hand... Unknown
Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better man. Benjamin Franklin
I'm a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser...Robert Paul
New Year's Eve: Where auld acquaintance be forgot...Unless, of course, those tests come back positive...Jay Leno
New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual... Mark Twain
Every new year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals? Ogden Nash
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused... Anon
In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out in friendship, but never in want... Anon
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to... P.J. O'Rourke
True friends are like angels. They are precious and rare, and false friends are like leaves, found everywhere... Anon
We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day... Edith Lovejoy Pierce
From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humour lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining... Leonard Bernstein
I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticising, sanctioning and moulding my life, is too much of a daily event for me... Anais Nin
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time... James Agate
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average, which means, you have met your New Year's resolution...
Jay Leno
Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty...John Selden
Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits... Unknown
It wouldn't be New Year if I didn't have regrets... William Thomas
Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right... Oprah Winfrey
The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul... G.K. Chesterton
A dog's New Year's Resolution: I will not chase that stick unless I actually see it leave his hand... Unknown
Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better man. Benjamin Franklin
I'm a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser...Robert Paul
New Year's Eve: Where auld acquaintance be forgot...Unless, of course, those tests come back positive...Jay Leno
New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual... Mark Twain
Every new year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals? Ogden Nash
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused... Anon
In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out in friendship, but never in want... Anon
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to... P.J. O'Rourke
True friends are like angels. They are precious and rare, and false friends are like leaves, found everywhere... Anon
We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day... Edith Lovejoy Pierce
From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humour lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining... Leonard Bernstein
I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticising, sanctioning and moulding my life, is too much of a daily event for me... Anais Nin
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time... James Agate
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average, which means, you have met your New Year's resolution...
Jay Leno
If to quote someone means they are the originator of the message, I say the quotes are false. I think the people being cited for speaking the verses are the people who said it that people will listen to and quote.
If you said any one of those lines, nobody would pay attention; it would be meaningless.
Ben Franklin or Jay Leno says it and all of a sudden it's quotable.
Make sense?
Wrong thread for philosophy?
I agree. I'll go away now.
Happy New Year everyone
If you said any one of those lines, nobody would pay attention; it would be meaningless.
Ben Franklin or Jay Leno says it and all of a sudden it's quotable.
Make sense?
Wrong thread for philosophy?
I agree. I'll go away now.
Happy New Year everyone
Neil Armstrong is repeatedly misquoted as saying "This is one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind".
What he actually said was "This is one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind, and good luck Nutmeg."
When Neil was a kid growing up he was looking out the kitchen window into the neighbour's kitchen and he overheard Mr and Mrs Nutmeg arguing.
Mr. Nutmeg was demanding a blowjob from his wife, and she was shouting, "the day I give you a blowjob is the day that kid next door steps foot on the moon."
What he actually said was "This is one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind, and good luck Nutmeg."
When Neil was a kid growing up he was looking out the kitchen window into the neighbour's kitchen and he overheard Mr and Mrs Nutmeg arguing.
Mr. Nutmeg was demanding a blowjob from his wife, and she was shouting, "the day I give you a blowjob is the day that kid next door steps foot on the moon."