Jokes 2

[LMeyers]

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Sources tell me that B.P. dropped a huge wedding ring over the well and it stopped putting out immediately.

 

[DarthSidious]

Quote from fhl:Does anybody know any sikh jokes?

Banta goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, and isn't fully convinced, but as usual, the store assistant comes along and closes the deal.

On his way home, Banta puts on his new x-ray glasses and, bingo! He sees everyone in the street naked. He takes them off for a moment, and everyone has their clothes on. Puts the glasses back on... Everyone is naked! "Cool!"

As he arrives back home, he is eager to show his new toy to his wife, Preeto, but can't find her. He goes up to the bedroom and finds his wife and one of his colleague, naked in bed. He takes his glasses off, and the two are still naked! He puts them back on, and they are still naked!

Banta says, "Damn it, I just paid fifty bucks for it, aur saala kharab bhi ho gaya (and it's already broken!)!!!! Made in China hoga.

 

[fhl]

There was this Oriental gentleman who went to the eye doctor and after the examination, the doctor asked him, "Do you know you have a cataract?"

"No," the Oriental man replied, "I have a Winkin' Continental!"

 

[Ivanovich]

Quote from fhl:

There was this Oriental gentleman who went to the eye doctor and after the examination, the doctor asked him, "Do you know you have a cataract?"

"No," the Oriental man replied, "I have a Winkin' Continental!"

LOL!

Oriental man goes into the bank to complain. The teller patiently greets the angry asian man.

"Yestoday you give me 400 dollah for my country money. Today only 350. Why?"

The teller sighs and replies softly. "Fluctuations."

The asian man slaps down on the desk and leaves, yelling "Fluc you white guys too!"

 

[nutmeg]

BBC News: "Teaching stroke patients to sing 'rewires' their brain, helping them recover."

...You drag your left leg in

 

[nutmeg]

I hear Englands goalie in the World Cup was so depressed about mishandling the ball in the game with the USA that he wandered out onto a railroad track in order to just end it all. Apparantly the train passed through his legs.

 

[pennystocker]

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[orange_trad]

Wouldn't you believe that Yoga is the most popular form of exercise in Russia?

 

[fhl]

A contractor wanted some manual labor done so he goes to the day work station and hires a couple of mexicans and chinese guy.

He tells one mexican to shovel some dirt into a wheelbarrow and the other mexican to take the wheelbarrow over to the truck and dump the dirt.

He tells the chinese guy that he's in charge of the truck and the supplies.

The contractor comes back later and the mexicans aren't doing anything. They say they don't have any supplies to work with.

So the contractor takes off looking for the chinese guy and when he gets to the truck, the chinese guy jumps out and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

 

[AZheat70]

Three contractors were bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. The first contractor said: “I figure the job will run about $900 - that's $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The second contractor announced: “I can do this job for $700 – that's $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The third contractor leaned over to the White House official and whispered: “$2,700.”

The incredulous White House official asked him: “How did you come up with such a high figure?”

The contractor smiled and said: “$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the second guy to fix the fence.”