Jokes 2

[nutmeg]

If your name is Rob, you really should shout “You got robbed!” right after sex.

 

[mgookin]

Sensors to measure the pressure of oil gushing from the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico were being deployed Sunday to give the government a better idea of how much oil is flowing, according to the Obama administration's point man on the environmental disaster.

It's called a fucking pellican. If he comes back oily, there's still oil out there.

 

[nutmeg]

I’m reading this self-help book, “The Secret”. You know what the secret is… $19.95 in someone elses pocket.

 

[nutmeg]

Whenever I want the hotel jacuzzi to myself, I sit facing the jets. No one bothers me when I do that.

 

[fhl]

Edgar Allen Poe walks into a bar. He orders a vodka tonic. The bartender asks: “What kind of vodka?” The raven on Poe’s shoulder says: “Stoli.”

 

[horseman]

Quote from nutmeg:

I’m thinking of getting a dog from the local shelter, naming him Nostalgia & letting him run away.

I've had so many dogs run over in the street in front of my house I'm going to name my next one Asphalt.

 

[Yannis]

Make Your Own Parking Spot

<object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/LvLu9Nfd_SU&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xd0d0d0&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/LvLu9Nfd_SU&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xd0d0d0&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>

 

[Yannis]

Paul Hunt 1988

<object style="height: 344px; width: 425px"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/EO_BnsrWMnI"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/EO_BnsrWMnI" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></object>

 

[Yannis]

Pasul Hunt 1981

<object style="height: 344px; width: 425px"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/tu-YAMiS5wA"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/tu-YAMiS5wA" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></object>

 

[Yannis]

The Good Waiter

A man gave the waiter his order, "Black coffee, no cream."

The waiter went into the kitchen and came back in a few minutes with an apology:

"I'm sorry, we're out of cream. Would you take your coffee without milk?"