Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
You looked a lot like my wife
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
You looked a lot like my wife
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On the flip side. I had just pulled into a drug store with my wife. I started to open the car door when a young girl, maybe 5 or 6 years old was walking out of the store her mother right behind her and the little girl started running toward me yelling "Daddy".
Cleary a case of mistaken identity but oy, my wife is checking out the little girls mother out and asking me all kinds of question.
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On the flip side. I had just pulled into a drug store with my wife. I started to open the car door when a young girl, maybe 5 or 6 years old was walking out of the store her mother right behind her and the little girl started running toward me yelling "Daddy".
Cleary a case of mistaken identity but oy, my wife is checking out the little girls mother out and asking me all kinds of question.
Which reminds me of round two. I left my two daughters maybe 8 and 10 at the time at the deli counter to order some lunch meat while I picked up some other things. I came back about 5 minutes later and asked them if they got waited on yet, and the youngest said "Get away from me stranger or I'll tell my daddy." I am thoroughly fucked now with these customers starting to stare and me and wondering who I am. What a pisser.
LOL
So you're a senior citizen and the government says no healthcare for you, what do you do?
Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets.
You are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives.
Of Course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need!
New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered. (And your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now).
And who will be paying for all of this?
The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.
IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?!
Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets.
You are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives.
Of Course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need!
New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered. (And your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now).
And who will be paying for all of this?
The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.
IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?!