Jokes 2

SALT LAKE CITY – A 37-year-old Salt Lake City woman acknowledged hitting her husband in the head with a hammer three years ago after blindfolding him and promising a surprise. Amy Teresa Ricks pleaded guilty to second-degree felony aggravated assault on Tuesday. Prosecutors have agreed to reduce the conviction to a third-degree felony after Ricks completes probation.

Prosecutors also agreed to let Ricks seek expungement of the crime after seven years.

Sentencing is set for April 19.

Ricks' husband suffered minor injuries in the May 2007 attack. Ricks' defense attorney says the two are still married but are separated.


http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100226/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_hammer_beating
 
A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for a homework assignment...

attachment.php


After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:

"Dear Ms. Davis,
I want to be very clear on my child's illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This drawing is of me selling a shovel.

Mrs. Harrington"

:) :) :)
 

Attachments

A group of Asian tourists traveled to a South Africa tribal village. On their trip, they came across a butcher who was selling human breast. One of tour members asked with surprise, “Why do you sell women’s breast?” The butcher replied hastily, “We have consumed women’s breast for generation, because we believe it can enhance men’s libido and penis size.”

Learning about the “Sexual Enhancement”, some members felt excited and wanted to try some. “How much are the price of the breast” said the tourist. The butcher replied.

“ White breasts are $ 500 per pound.”
“ Black breasts are $ 750 per pound.”
“ Asian breasts are $ 1,000 per pound.”

The Asian tourists are pleased to hear that Asian breasts were the most expensive. “Wow, that’s great. Asian breasts are worth more. Is that because of their qualities?” said one of the Asian members.

“No No No, you are misunderstanding. We have to kill so many Asian women to get one pound of breast.”, said the butcher.
 
Quote from fhl:

The average French person has only one testicle.
More...

Oh, my name is Sammy Small, Fuck 'em all.

Oh, my name is Sammy Small, Fuck 'em all.

Oh, my name is Sammy Small, and I've only got one ball.

But it's better than none at all, so Fuck 'em All.

----------------

Now I know guys this is a lot of work but if you click on the link.


http://www.fighterpilotuniversity.com/index.cfm/2007/12/8/Do-you-hear-what-I-hear--Sammy-Small

Scroll down and push the play button you can hear the full version Perfromed by 509th TFS. (Tactical Fighter Squadron).
 
A brand new prostitute at a Nevada brothel was assigned her first customer. She went into the room with the customer and just less than a minute later, came out laughing hysterically. The madam confronted her, saying, "You were with him less than a minute and came out laughing. That's no way to treat a customer."

The rookie prostitute replied, "I just couldn't help it. He undressed and when I looked down at his dick it was the size of a peanut and had a tattoo on it which says 'SHORTY'!"

The madam was furious, and assigned a veteran prostitute to go in and give this poor guy his money's worth.

A half hour later, the veteran prostitute came out of the room. She could barely walk and her eyes were beaming! She kept saying "WOW!" over and over again. She walked over to the rookie prostitute and said, "You needed to spend more time with this guy. When he gets excited that tattoo reads: 'SHORTY'S BAR AND GRILL - FINE DINING - ALBUQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO'!"
 
"Record Winter to Distort Key Jobs Report Next Week"

I think I read that on a Hallmark card.


“When you care enough to say the very best.”
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LAthinker | Feb 26, 2010 05:50 PM ET

This just in:

The entire recession and bank crisis is due to the weather.
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Quote from nutmeg:

The entire recession and bank crisis is due to the weather.
More...

Yep. We're gonna global warm ourselves right into a new ice age if we keep this up.
 
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