Quote from nutmeg:
I crack myself up.
C'mon, give me another "word" to use in a sentence.
Poppysmic
Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
Poppysmic
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK? !? !?
Driver: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation.
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card. The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK? !? !?
Driver: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation.
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card. The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
There was a commercial some time ago on Youtube for some sort of background check or something - can't recall what the product or service was. Anyway, it showed a pair of newlyweds entering their room after their wedding and jumping on the bed. Then the bride gets up to go to the can. She leaves the door open and her new husband can hear something very familiar yet unexpected. So he looks in the mirror and sees her pissing while standing up.
So there's a little girl named Rose. One day she asks her mother, "mommy, why did you name me 'Rose'" Her mother says, "Because you father accidentally dropped a rose petal on your face when you were a little baby. It was so precious."
Then there's another girl named Lilly who asks her mother why she was named "Lilly." She responds, "because when you were a little girl you father accidentally dropped a lilly petal on your face. It was adorable."
A third girl asks her mom"hagn brka jsdh ska gna"
Her mother responds, "shut up, Cinderblock."
Then there's another girl named Lilly who asks her mother why she was named "Lilly." She responds, "because when you were a little girl you father accidentally dropped a lilly petal on your face. It was adorable."
A third girl asks her mom"hagn brka jsdh ska gna"
Her mother responds, "shut up, Cinderblock."
