Jokes 2

[Wayne Gibbous]

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

 

[nutmeg]

I try to do what I can for the homeless, I've just bought myself a 42inch plasma TV and I offered the homeless guy in the park near where I live first refusal on the box.

 

[Pension_Admin]

 

[flytiger]

Quote from nutmeg:

I try to do what I can for the homeless, I've just bought myself a 42inch plasma TV and I offered the homeless guy in the park near where I live first refusal on the box.

You're a Mensch. I've got an empty pickle jar. Ask him if he needs an indoor urinal.

 

[nutmeg]

Attachment: apple_evolution.jpg

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Regarding your evolution jpg.

Crack me up, new technology converts voice into text messages, Soon we'll have the capabilities to convert text messages to voice. This will be known as a walkie talkie.

 

[nutmeg]

Quote from flytiger:

You're a Mensch. I've got an empty pickle jar. Ask him if he needs an indoor urinal.

 

[nutmeg]

Student Kicked Off Bus Over Passed Gas

http://www.theledger.com/article/20090318/NEWS/903185043?p=1&tc=pg

 

[Wayne Gibbous]

I was going to give money to the San Andreas Research Fund, but everybody said I being generous to a fault...

 

[flytiger]

Quote from nutmeg:

Student Kicked Off Bus Over Passed Gas

http://www.theledger.com/article/20090318/NEWS/903185043?p=1&tc=pg

Let's see 15 in the eighth grade. Cipherin' 8 plus four, plus, say, two or three to keep him on his current pace........ We got us a 21 year old Senior. Dad does look real proud.

 

[Pension_Admin]

Quote from nutmeg:

Attachment: apple_evolution.jpg

-------------------------

Regarding your evolution jpg.

Crack me up, new technology converts voice into text messages, Soon we'll have the capabilities to convert text messages to voice. This will be known as a walkie talkie.

lol We'll see a lot of "innovation" coming along. I am looking forward to see an iBoombox (a big, but thin iPod you carry on your shoulder)!