Newsweek:
"Pakistani Taliban Leader Not Dead Yet"
"Pakistani Taliban Leader Not Dead Yet"
Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
Arab butt-bomber arrested
Jan 08, 2010 - Kansas City
An American Airlines flight en-route from
Los Angeles to JFK airport in New York
City was diverted to Kansas City yesterday
when someone noticed a passenger attempting
to light a fuse protruding from his rectum.
Flight Attendant Bunny Haggarty said she
noticed the man seated in an aisle seat leaning
forward and holding a cigarette lighter behind
his legs. "I thought he was just trying to light
a fart," said Haggarty, "like our pilots are
always doing on layovers. Then I saw this
string-like thing hanging from his ass and
got scared." Haggarty immediately called
for assistance. Several passengers subdued
the man before he was able to light the fuse.
After landing in Kansas City, authorities found
the man's intestines were stuffed with military
grade C4 explosive. FBI agents stated that it
would have been a catastrophe if the passenger
had succeeded in lighting the fuse.
The passenger, Mohammed Bin Ali El Batout
Nabeel Sin Abba Rahim Mansour Ali Baba,
age 25, was carrying fourteen passports from
various countries throughout the Middle East.
Asked why he'd stuffed himself full of plastic
explosives, Ali Baba stated, "I was planning
to blow the chit out of the plane. I wanted to
kill all the Americans and Jews to show that
we are a peace loving pipple."
Several airport security agents in Los Angeles
remembered seeing Ali Baba as he boarded
American flight 90. They were a bit concerned
because his name would not fit on the front
of the ticket, he was wearing a checkered
Pizza Hut tablecloth as a hat, looked like he
was ready to kill someone, he was reading
an Al Quaeda training manual and he was
wearing a "F**K America" tee-shirt.
According to current Federal Airport Security
standards, however, individuals cannot be
profiled for additional security checks simply
because they are young, Middle-Eastern men.
The security supervisor, Latisha Jackson,
said she was somewhat concerned with the
way Ali Baba walked. "Hell, man, the guy
waddled like he had a stick of dynamite up
his ass! Had I not been on the phone with my
probation officer, I might have checked this
guy out some more. But, we want and need
complete diversity in our passenger screening,"
stated Jackson.
"Plus, we think flight crews on those planes
pose more of a threat to safety than one rag
head with an exploding ass. That's why you
can always find one of them pilots in bare
feet waiting for his shoes to be x-rayed. I
love seeing the look on their faces when we
make them do that," she guffawed, adding,
"I just hope they don't give those guys guns,
'cause they might want to even the score."
Federal officials are now referring to this
latest terrorist attempt as a "butt bomb."
Security experts believe this could be even
more difficult to detect than the primitive
"shoe bomb" used by terrorist Richard Reid.
"I'm not sure how we're going to check for
butt bombs," stated Jackson. "We don't have
technology to do it, but we've got to check
somehow in the interest of safety," adding,
"I think we should start with the flight crews
first."
--
All rights reserved; all wrongs revenged.
Jan 08, 2010 - Kansas City
An American Airlines flight en-route from
Los Angeles to JFK airport in New York
City was diverted to Kansas City yesterday
when someone noticed a passenger attempting
to light a fuse protruding from his rectum.
Flight Attendant Bunny Haggarty said she
noticed the man seated in an aisle seat leaning
forward and holding a cigarette lighter behind
his legs. "I thought he was just trying to light
a fart," said Haggarty, "like our pilots are
always doing on layovers. Then I saw this
string-like thing hanging from his ass and
got scared." Haggarty immediately called
for assistance. Several passengers subdued
the man before he was able to light the fuse.
After landing in Kansas City, authorities found
the man's intestines were stuffed with military
grade C4 explosive. FBI agents stated that it
would have been a catastrophe if the passenger
had succeeded in lighting the fuse.
The passenger, Mohammed Bin Ali El Batout
Nabeel Sin Abba Rahim Mansour Ali Baba,
age 25, was carrying fourteen passports from
various countries throughout the Middle East.
Asked why he'd stuffed himself full of plastic
explosives, Ali Baba stated, "I was planning
to blow the chit out of the plane. I wanted to
kill all the Americans and Jews to show that
we are a peace loving pipple."
Several airport security agents in Los Angeles
remembered seeing Ali Baba as he boarded
American flight 90. They were a bit concerned
because his name would not fit on the front
of the ticket, he was wearing a checkered
Pizza Hut tablecloth as a hat, looked like he
was ready to kill someone, he was reading
an Al Quaeda training manual and he was
wearing a "F**K America" tee-shirt.
According to current Federal Airport Security
standards, however, individuals cannot be
profiled for additional security checks simply
because they are young, Middle-Eastern men.
The security supervisor, Latisha Jackson,
said she was somewhat concerned with the
way Ali Baba walked. "Hell, man, the guy
waddled like he had a stick of dynamite up
his ass! Had I not been on the phone with my
probation officer, I might have checked this
guy out some more. But, we want and need
complete diversity in our passenger screening,"
stated Jackson.
"Plus, we think flight crews on those planes
pose more of a threat to safety than one rag
head with an exploding ass. That's why you
can always find one of them pilots in bare
feet waiting for his shoes to be x-rayed. I
love seeing the look on their faces when we
make them do that," she guffawed, adding,
"I just hope they don't give those guys guns,
'cause they might want to even the score."
Federal officials are now referring to this
latest terrorist attempt as a "butt bomb."
Security experts believe this could be even
more difficult to detect than the primitive
"shoe bomb" used by terrorist Richard Reid.
"I'm not sure how we're going to check for
butt bombs," stated Jackson. "We don't have
technology to do it, but we've got to check
somehow in the interest of safety," adding,
"I think we should start with the flight crews
first."
--
All rights reserved; all wrongs revenged.
I remember my first date, sitting with the parents while my date got ready. I was so nervous I had developed quite a potent case of gas on the way over and I was ready to explode. So I tried to sneak a fart out during conversation and I . . .err. . . blew it. Everybody could hear it. Then my date's mother says "Spot" to the dog at my feet.
Boy, was I relieved to hear the dog get blamed for my indiscretion. A couple minutes later, I had another, larger one to process and I tried to keep it as quiet as I could. But it was pretty loud. "Spot!" Yelled the mother. And I was happy as a clam.
Well, a few more minutes and my date would be about ready, I figured. And I have one more to blow before I was thoroughly ventilated. So I let the last one rip, no holding back. Hoochie Momma! My eyes started to water. Sure enough, the mother was glaring at the dog. "Spot! God damn it, get over here before he shits on you!"
It was never meant to be, I guess.
Boy, was I relieved to hear the dog get blamed for my indiscretion. A couple minutes later, I had another, larger one to process and I tried to keep it as quiet as I could. But it was pretty loud. "Spot!" Yelled the mother. And I was happy as a clam.
Well, a few more minutes and my date would be about ready, I figured. And I have one more to blow before I was thoroughly ventilated. So I let the last one rip, no holding back. Hoochie Momma! My eyes started to water. Sure enough, the mother was glaring at the dog. "Spot! God damn it, get over here before he shits on you!"
It was never meant to be, I guess.