Jokes 2

TRUE STORY

We have a TV programme in the UK, called Dragon’s Den, where inventors try to get investment into their start-up businesses from a group of 5 multi-millionaires.

One new product was a plastic penis for women so they can pee standing up. The sales pitch included a tale from the war in Afghanistan where women soldiers were forced to paint their bottoms with camoulflage paint because when they dropped their trousers to relieve themselves their big white bottoms would be visible for miles around and likely to get shot !!
 
OOPS!

Mr. and Mrs. Thorne had just reached JFK airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their long-awaited, pre-paid, two-weeks vacation in Majorca, Spain. "I wish we'd brought the piano with us," said Mr. Thorne.

"What on earth for?" asked his wife.

"I've left the tickets on it..."

:) :) :)
 
A patient complained that his penis was disappearing. Dr. Stunata looked at him seriously and said "your penis isn't going anywhere, you're just getting fat, and if you want to see it again lose the fifty pounds you've gained."
 
Quote from Humpy:

TRUE STORY

We have a TV programme in the UK, called Dragon’s Den, where inventors try to get investment into their start-up businesses from a group of 5 multi-millionaires.

One new product was a plastic penis for women so they can pee standing up. The sales pitch included a tale from the war in Afghanistan where women soldiers were forced to paint their bottoms with camoulflage paint because when they dropped their trousers to relieve themselves their big white bottoms would be visible for miles around and likely to get shot !!
More...

What every girl really wants deep down inside.
 
This is pretty stupid.



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A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally
swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no
ill effects, so he forgot about it.
Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions,
undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he
looked up the man's arse was that eye staring right back at him.
"You know, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."
 
I was going to post a picture, but for now you'll use your imagination.

I picked up some several large ceramic garden turtles and a flag pole. I now have on my lawn what looks like the "Turtles of Iwo Jima" If you use 5 turtles it looks like an butt fest under the flag pole but 3 turtles raising the flag looks nice.
 
From another board I thought was funny.

*telephone ring*

Blankfein: Hello? Hello?

*Silence, followed by some heavy breathing, and then dial tone*

Two minutes later, telephone ring

Blankfien: Hello? Hello?

*Silence, followed by some heavy breathing, and then dial tone*

Two minutes later, telephone ring

Blankfein: Hank! Knock it off! I know it's you!

Paulson: Oh, sorry--must have dialed the wrong number. But since I called, are you maybe free for a pizza tomorrow night?

Blankfein: Let me get back to you--gotta see if the old lady is screwin' the pool guy tomorrow.

*Five minutes later, telephone ring*

Blankfein: Hello?

Paulson: Did you talk to the pool guy yet?

Blankfien: Nope. You didn't give me enough time. call me another 20 times, and I'm sure I'll have an answer for you.
 
I dont understand why women want to be equal when they could be better.

That shows a lack of ambition to me.

Which is why men are better.
 
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