try to go 600000 miles with a modern fiat...
Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
try to go 600000 miles with a modern fiat...
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Geithner was quoted as saying "My aim in life is to do the least bad job possible" (No kidding) Which of course brings to mind the old joke.
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Meanest man in County Cork dies and the kind-hearted pastor of his church, preparing to say the funeral mass, can't think of single nice thing to say about the bastard in his eulogy.
So he asks around town, looking for anyone who has one good word for the deceased to say at the mass, and finds no takers. He gets the idea to call over to the church in the village where the old man was born, figuring that there might be someone there who remembers him from when he was a boy and who might then have at least one fond memory to impart. The priest over there is a very old man himself, and he grew up with the dear departed and offers to come to the funeral and say the nicest thing he can think of.
Day of the funeral comes, the old priest arrives, it's time for him to give the eulogy. He totters up to the pulpit, looks out at the very few people who've bothered to show up, and says the one nice thing there is to say about the dead old man:
"His brother was worse."
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Meanest man in County Cork dies and the kind-hearted pastor of his church, preparing to say the funeral mass, can't think of single nice thing to say about the bastard in his eulogy.
So he asks around town, looking for anyone who has one good word for the deceased to say at the mass, and finds no takers. He gets the idea to call over to the church in the village where the old man was born, figuring that there might be someone there who remembers him from when he was a boy and who might then have at least one fond memory to impart. The priest over there is a very old man himself, and he grew up with the dear departed and offers to come to the funeral and say the nicest thing he can think of.
Day of the funeral comes, the old priest arrives, it's time for him to give the eulogy. He totters up to the pulpit, looks out at the very few people who've bothered to show up, and says the one nice thing there is to say about the dead old man:
"His brother was worse."
Haikus From The Trailer Park
Unemploymentâs out
Hey, maybe I can get on
Disability
Distant siren screams
Dumb-ass Verneâs been playing with
Gasoline again
Flashlights pierce the darkness
No nightcrawlers to be found
Guess weâll gig some frogs
Joyous, playful, bright
Trailer park girl rolls in puddle
Of old motor oil
Seeking solitude
Carlâs ex-wife Tammy files for
Restraining order
Damn, in that tube-top
You make me almost forget
You are my cousin
Tonight we hunger
Grandma sent grocery money
To Jimmy Swaggert
Set the VCR
Dukes of Hazard Marathon
At 9 oâclock
In Walmart toy aisle
Wailing boy wantâs ârassling doll
Mama whups his ass
White noise, buzzing static
Call Earl; satellite dish
Needs new descrambler
Sixty-five dollars
And cyclone fence keeps me from
My El Camino
In early morning mist
Mama searches Circle K for
Moon pies and Red Man
Grinning, he displays
The nine hundred beer cans
Filling pickup bed
Unemploymentâs out
Hey, maybe I can get on
Disability
Distant siren screams
Dumb-ass Verneâs been playing with
Gasoline again
Flashlights pierce the darkness
No nightcrawlers to be found
Guess weâll gig some frogs
Joyous, playful, bright
Trailer park girl rolls in puddle
Of old motor oil
Seeking solitude
Carlâs ex-wife Tammy files for
Restraining order
Damn, in that tube-top
You make me almost forget
You are my cousin
Tonight we hunger
Grandma sent grocery money
To Jimmy Swaggert
Set the VCR
Dukes of Hazard Marathon
At 9 oâclock
In Walmart toy aisle
Wailing boy wantâs ârassling doll
Mama whups his ass
White noise, buzzing static
Call Earl; satellite dish
Needs new descrambler
Sixty-five dollars
And cyclone fence keeps me from
My El Camino
In early morning mist
Mama searches Circle K for
Moon pies and Red Man
Grinning, he displays
The nine hundred beer cans
Filling pickup bed
Career Planning Session
A high school student is in the counselorâs office. âSo tell me, what things interest you in terms of a possible career direction?
âIâd like to cut people open and run my fingers through their liver and heart!â
The counselor chuckles and after a long pause says, âWell, I guess that means youâll either be a surgeon or psychotic killer. Tell me more about yourself.â
âTo start with, Iâm never wrong. I'm the best. Other people adore me and do exactly as I say, all the time, or else they suffer. I like what I do and keep doing it. I cut them open, blood all over. I never apologize for the pain and suffering I cause. They give me all their money and then some - or if they donât, they'd better...â
âOK! Got it. Surgeon it is!!â
A high school student is in the counselorâs office. âSo tell me, what things interest you in terms of a possible career direction?
âIâd like to cut people open and run my fingers through their liver and heart!â
The counselor chuckles and after a long pause says, âWell, I guess that means youâll either be a surgeon or psychotic killer. Tell me more about yourself.â
âTo start with, Iâm never wrong. I'm the best. Other people adore me and do exactly as I say, all the time, or else they suffer. I like what I do and keep doing it. I cut them open, blood all over. I never apologize for the pain and suffering I cause. They give me all their money and then some - or if they donât, they'd better...â
âOK! Got it. Surgeon it is!!â
Haikus From The Trailer Park
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Sometimes I long for the freedom and carefree living that you only can find in a trailer park. Elvis, Christmas lights on in the summer, emptying your ashtray in the road, liquor bottles in the window. They would probably make me buy in the back of the park, the trailers near the road are reserved for people who paint, plant flowers and have lawns.
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Sometimes I long for the freedom and carefree living that you only can find in a trailer park. Elvis, Christmas lights on in the summer, emptying your ashtray in the road, liquor bottles in the window. They would probably make me buy in the back of the park, the trailers near the road are reserved for people who paint, plant flowers and have lawns.
The mother-in-law bought a talking parrot, she took it back a week later and said, "This parrot hasn't said anything yet"
The parrot said, "I haven't had a fuckin' chance"
So I took my dog to the vet yesterday and said "Cut his tail off".
Vet asked why.
I said "mother-in-law coming next week and I don't want her to feel she's welcome".
The parrot said, "I haven't had a fuckin' chance"
So I took my dog to the vet yesterday and said "Cut his tail off".
Vet asked why.
I said "mother-in-law coming next week and I don't want her to feel she's welcome".