Jokes 2

I was just on Google Map, Street View and I saw my wife in Hunts Pointe. Can't wait to get home and tell her.

Not sure what she was doing though? She was leaning into a strange car and looked like she was taking money from a man.
 
Sitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth. As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program, the man loses concentration for a split second, and a peanut goes into his ear. He tries to get it out, but succeeds only in forcing the thing in awfully deep.

After a few hours of fruitless rooting the couple decide to go to the hospital, but on their way out of the front door they meet their daughter coming in with her new boyfriend.

The boyfriend takes control of the situation; he tells them he's studying medicine and that they're not to worry about a thing. He then sticks two fingers up the man's nose and asks him to blow, and low and behold, the nut shoots from the ear and out across the room.

As the daughter and her boyfriend go through to the kitchen to get drinks, the man and his wife sit down to discuss their luck.

"So" the wife says, "what do you think he'll become after he finishes school? A GP or a surgeon?"

"Well,” says the man, rubbing his nose, "by the smell of his fingers, I think he's going to become our son-in-law."
:D
 
Stocks recovered from a lower start Tuesday as consumer confidence hit its highest level in eight months

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I got a double yoke in my egg this morning. I always view this as a confident sign things are getting better. Another good sign, from the Case - Nutmeg index -bird house sales are up.
 
"This shit is for the birds'.

Suggests the derivation of the phrase which is the habit of some birds pecking at horse droppings in order to find seeds.
 
Green shoots is a term used in the Great Recession to indicate signs of economic recovery.

Green shoots is very similiar to "this shit is for the birds". Finding a seed in a road apple. yikes.
 
I walked into an explosives shop the other day and wanted to buy a grenade with my debit card.

It all went horribly wrong when the cashier asked for my pin.
 
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