Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
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My kid just got home with her summer reading list:
"A Day At The Beach"
By C. Side
"A Large Arsehole"
By Hugh Janus
"A Visit To The Dentist"
By Lord Howitt-Hertz
"Anal Passage"
By R. Sole
"At The Barber's Shop"
By Shaun Head
"Baby's Revenge"
By Nora Tittov
"Beatiful Babe From Newcastle-Upon-Tyne"
By Bonny Lass
"Beside The Seaside"
By C. Shaw
"Blood Sucking Insects - Vol.1"
By Amos Quito
"Blood Sucking Insects - Vol.2"
By Anne Othamosquito
"Blood Sucking Insects - Vol.3"
By Andy Nuthamosquito
"Blood Sucking Insects - Vol.4"
By Yetta Nuthamosquito
"Blowing Up Buildings"
By D. Molition
"Brainless"
By M. T. Head
"Breaking The Ice"
By P. Kaxx
"Breakfast Recipes"
By Egon Toast
"Breast Feeding"
By Nora Tittov
"Brick Laying"
By C. Ment
"Brown Spots On the Wall"
By Hu Fling Pu
"Call The Plumber"
By Ivor Leak
"Cannibalism"
By Henrietta Mann
"Caring For Parrots"
By L. O. Polly
"Cookery For Beginners"
By Egon Chips
"Death On The Cliff's Edge"
By Eileen Dover
"Defrosting Cattle"
By Thora Herd
"Designing Placards"
By Bill Poster
"Does My Bum Look Big?"
By Hugh Janus
"Driving A Taxi"
By Minnie Cabb
"End Of Term"
By C. Myra Port
"Escape To The New Forest"
By Lucinda Woods
"Evacuate The Building"
By Rufus Falling
"Feeces In The Carpet"
By Drew P. Draws
"Fashion Of The 1960's"
By Minnie Skirt
"Fat Bottomed Girls"
By Hugh Janus
"Feed Your Dog Correctly"
By Nora Bone
"First In The Form"
By Hedda De Classe
"Five Miles To The Nearest Toilet"
By Willie Maykit and Betty Wont
- Illustrated by Andy Diddant
"Fooling Around"
By Joe King
"Forest Freedom"
By Lucinda Woods
"Fun With Your Friends"
By Joe Kerr
"Garden Full Of Weeds?"
By Dan D. Lyon
"Give To The Poor"
By Rob Deritch
"Golden Waterfall"
By I. P. Standing
"Harbouring A Chinese Fugitive"
By Hu Yu Hai Ding
"Hernia On The Yangtze"
By Won Hung Low
"Hole In The Mattress"
By Mr. Completely
"Home Haircutting"
By Shaun Head
"Homosexuality: A Rough Guide"
By Dick Sukka
"Homosexuality For Beginners"
By Ben Dover
"Homosexuality In Ireland"
By Patrick Fitzgerald
& Gerald Fitzpatrick
"Homosexuality In Scotland"
By Ben Doone
& Phil McCavitty
"How To Boast Successfully Vol.1"
By Ivor Biggun
"How To Boast Successfully Vol.2"
By Mike Oxlong
"How To Make An Igloo"
By S. Keemo
"I Don't Believe You"
By Paul D. Utherwan
"In The Lions Den"
By Nora Bone
"Laying Carpets"
By Walter Wall
"Leaving Things Until The Last Minute"
By Justin Time
"Leaving Your Country"
By Emma Grate
"Lion Tamer's Manual"
By Claude Allovah
"Losing My Mind"
By C. Nility
"Love In Old Mexico"
By L. Rotten Crotcho
"Making Lots Of Money Easily"
By Ivor Fortune
"Making Tons Of Money"
By Millie O'naire
"Man Joins A Convent"
By Farquar Loadanuns
"Mistake We All Make"
By General Error
"Mouth Of The River"
By S. Tury
"Moving House"
By Ivor Newhome
"Old People's Mental Health"
By C. Nile
"On The Rocks"
By Mandy Lifeboat
"Out On Parole"
By Freda Convict
"Pachyderms"
By L. E. Fant
"Parachute Jumping"
By Willie Maykit
"Performing '69' In Japan"
By Tu Can Chu
"Premature Children In China"
By Tai Nee Bai Be
"Problem Children"
By Miss B. Haviour
"Riding Horses For Pleasure"
By G. G. Canters
"Run For Your Lives"
By Major Panic
"Russian Torture"
By: Hugh Bitchacockov
"Rustle In The Bushes 1"
By Izzie Honour
"Rustle In The Bushes 2"
By Willie Gettit
"Rusty Bed Springs"
By: I. P. Freely
"Sadistic Sex"
By Nora Bone
"Sci-Fi Weapons"
By Ray Gun
"Screams In The Night"
By Claude Balls
"Set Fire To The Taxman"
By Bernardette Collector
"Show Jumping"
By Jim Carner
"Small Cars In Great Britain"
By Minnie Driver
"Sneezing Fit"
By A. Choo
"Solitude"
By I. Malone
"Spare The Rod, Spoil The Child"
By Corporal Punishment
"Speed Reading"
By Paige Turner
"Spots On The Wall"
By Hu Flung Poo
"Streams In The Desert"
By I. P. Daily
"Teach Your Parrot To Talk"
By L. O. Polly
"The Case Of The Stolen Chestnut"
By Nick McConker
"The Cat's Revenge"
By Claude Balls
"The Chinese Man With One Testicle"
By Wot Went Wong
"The Chinese Paedophile"
By Fuk M Yung
"The Chinese Youth"
By Won Yung Gai
"The Dog's Dinner"
By Nora Bone
"The Dripping Tap"
By Lee King
"The Easy Lay"
By Carmen Gettit
"The History Of Human Civilisation From 1 A.D. To Present Day"
By Anne O'Domini
"The Inevitable Occurrence"
By Sue Nora Layter
"The Largest Bra In The World"
By Norma Stitz
"The Nagging Wife"
By Mona Lott
"The Open Kimono"
By Seymour Hair
"The Rich Person"
By Millie O'Naire
"The Russian With Three Testicles"
By Ooja Nikabolokov
"The Size Of My Penis"
By Mike Oxlong
"The Thirsty Diner"
By Phil McCuppup
"The Trail In The Sand"
By Dick Draggin
"The Unhappy Customer"
By Mona Lott
"The Worst Weekend In My Life"
By Helen Back
"Thunder in the Night"
By Henrietta Bean
"Tomcat's Revenge"
By Claude Balls
"Trouble In Lancashire"
By Igor Blimey
"Under The Grandstand"
By Seymour Butts
"Viagra: What It Can Do For You"
By Hugh G. Rection
"Weeds In My Garden"
By Dan D. Lyon
"Weight Lifting"
By Buster Gutt
"Where Did I Go Wrong?"
By Major Mistake
"Wonderful Sex Life"
By Mona Lott
"Wrist Exercises"
By Wayne King
"Writing A Magazine Advice Column"
By A. Guinea Arnt
"Yellow Flowing River"
By I. P. Daily
"Yellow Snow"
By I. P. Freely
"Zephyrs And Breezes"
By Wynn D. Weather
"A Day At The Beach"
By C. Side
"A Large Arsehole"
By Hugh Janus
"A Visit To The Dentist"
By Lord Howitt-Hertz
"Anal Passage"
By R. Sole
"At The Barber's Shop"
By Shaun Head
"Baby's Revenge"
By Nora Tittov
"Beatiful Babe From Newcastle-Upon-Tyne"
By Bonny Lass
"Beside The Seaside"
By C. Shaw
"Blood Sucking Insects - Vol.1"
By Amos Quito
"Blood Sucking Insects - Vol.2"
By Anne Othamosquito
"Blood Sucking Insects - Vol.3"
By Andy Nuthamosquito
"Blood Sucking Insects - Vol.4"
By Yetta Nuthamosquito
"Blowing Up Buildings"
By D. Molition
"Brainless"
By M. T. Head
"Breaking The Ice"
By P. Kaxx
"Breakfast Recipes"
By Egon Toast
"Breast Feeding"
By Nora Tittov
"Brick Laying"
By C. Ment
"Brown Spots On the Wall"
By Hu Fling Pu
"Call The Plumber"
By Ivor Leak
"Cannibalism"
By Henrietta Mann
"Caring For Parrots"
By L. O. Polly
"Cookery For Beginners"
By Egon Chips
"Death On The Cliff's Edge"
By Eileen Dover
"Defrosting Cattle"
By Thora Herd
"Designing Placards"
By Bill Poster
"Does My Bum Look Big?"
By Hugh Janus
"Driving A Taxi"
By Minnie Cabb
"End Of Term"
By C. Myra Port
"Escape To The New Forest"
By Lucinda Woods
"Evacuate The Building"
By Rufus Falling
"Feeces In The Carpet"
By Drew P. Draws
"Fashion Of The 1960's"
By Minnie Skirt
"Fat Bottomed Girls"
By Hugh Janus
"Feed Your Dog Correctly"
By Nora Bone
"First In The Form"
By Hedda De Classe
"Five Miles To The Nearest Toilet"
By Willie Maykit and Betty Wont
- Illustrated by Andy Diddant
"Fooling Around"
By Joe King
"Forest Freedom"
By Lucinda Woods
"Fun With Your Friends"
By Joe Kerr
"Garden Full Of Weeds?"
By Dan D. Lyon
"Give To The Poor"
By Rob Deritch
"Golden Waterfall"
By I. P. Standing
"Harbouring A Chinese Fugitive"
By Hu Yu Hai Ding
"Hernia On The Yangtze"
By Won Hung Low
"Hole In The Mattress"
By Mr. Completely
"Home Haircutting"
By Shaun Head
"Homosexuality: A Rough Guide"
By Dick Sukka
"Homosexuality For Beginners"
By Ben Dover
"Homosexuality In Ireland"
By Patrick Fitzgerald
& Gerald Fitzpatrick
"Homosexuality In Scotland"
By Ben Doone
& Phil McCavitty
"How To Boast Successfully Vol.1"
By Ivor Biggun
"How To Boast Successfully Vol.2"
By Mike Oxlong
"How To Make An Igloo"
By S. Keemo
"I Don't Believe You"
By Paul D. Utherwan
"In The Lions Den"
By Nora Bone
"Laying Carpets"
By Walter Wall
"Leaving Things Until The Last Minute"
By Justin Time
"Leaving Your Country"
By Emma Grate
"Lion Tamer's Manual"
By Claude Allovah
"Losing My Mind"
By C. Nility
"Love In Old Mexico"
By L. Rotten Crotcho
"Making Lots Of Money Easily"
By Ivor Fortune
"Making Tons Of Money"
By Millie O'naire
"Man Joins A Convent"
By Farquar Loadanuns
"Mistake We All Make"
By General Error
"Mouth Of The River"
By S. Tury
"Moving House"
By Ivor Newhome
"Old People's Mental Health"
By C. Nile
"On The Rocks"
By Mandy Lifeboat
"Out On Parole"
By Freda Convict
"Pachyderms"
By L. E. Fant
"Parachute Jumping"
By Willie Maykit
"Performing '69' In Japan"
By Tu Can Chu
"Premature Children In China"
By Tai Nee Bai Be
"Problem Children"
By Miss B. Haviour
"Riding Horses For Pleasure"
By G. G. Canters
"Run For Your Lives"
By Major Panic
"Russian Torture"
By: Hugh Bitchacockov
"Rustle In The Bushes 1"
By Izzie Honour
"Rustle In The Bushes 2"
By Willie Gettit
"Rusty Bed Springs"
By: I. P. Freely
"Sadistic Sex"
By Nora Bone
"Sci-Fi Weapons"
By Ray Gun
"Screams In The Night"
By Claude Balls
"Set Fire To The Taxman"
By Bernardette Collector
"Show Jumping"
By Jim Carner
"Small Cars In Great Britain"
By Minnie Driver
"Sneezing Fit"
By A. Choo
"Solitude"
By I. Malone
"Spare The Rod, Spoil The Child"
By Corporal Punishment
"Speed Reading"
By Paige Turner
"Spots On The Wall"
By Hu Flung Poo
"Streams In The Desert"
By I. P. Daily
"Teach Your Parrot To Talk"
By L. O. Polly
"The Case Of The Stolen Chestnut"
By Nick McConker
"The Cat's Revenge"
By Claude Balls
"The Chinese Man With One Testicle"
By Wot Went Wong
"The Chinese Paedophile"
By Fuk M Yung
"The Chinese Youth"
By Won Yung Gai
"The Dog's Dinner"
By Nora Bone
"The Dripping Tap"
By Lee King
"The Easy Lay"
By Carmen Gettit
"The History Of Human Civilisation From 1 A.D. To Present Day"
By Anne O'Domini
"The Inevitable Occurrence"
By Sue Nora Layter
"The Largest Bra In The World"
By Norma Stitz
"The Nagging Wife"
By Mona Lott
"The Open Kimono"
By Seymour Hair
"The Rich Person"
By Millie O'Naire
"The Russian With Three Testicles"
By Ooja Nikabolokov
"The Size Of My Penis"
By Mike Oxlong
"The Thirsty Diner"
By Phil McCuppup
"The Trail In The Sand"
By Dick Draggin
"The Unhappy Customer"
By Mona Lott
"The Worst Weekend In My Life"
By Helen Back
"Thunder in the Night"
By Henrietta Bean
"Tomcat's Revenge"
By Claude Balls
"Trouble In Lancashire"
By Igor Blimey
"Under The Grandstand"
By Seymour Butts
"Viagra: What It Can Do For You"
By Hugh G. Rection
"Weeds In My Garden"
By Dan D. Lyon
"Weight Lifting"
By Buster Gutt
"Where Did I Go Wrong?"
By Major Mistake
"Wonderful Sex Life"
By Mona Lott
"Wrist Exercises"
By Wayne King
"Writing A Magazine Advice Column"
By A. Guinea Arnt
"Yellow Flowing River"
By I. P. Daily
"Yellow Snow"
By I. P. Freely
"Zephyrs And Breezes"
By Wynn D. Weather
God was tired and worn out. So he spoke to St. Peter.
âYou know, I need a vacation. Got any suggestions where I should go?â
St. Peter, thinking, nodded his head, then said, âHow about Jupiter? Itâs nice and warm there this time of the year.â
God shook His head before saying, âNo, too much gravity. You know how that hurts my back.â
âHmmm,â St. Peter reflected. âWell, how about Mercury?â
âNo way!â God muttered. âItâs way too hot for me there!â
âIâve got it,â St. Peter said, his face lighting up. âHow about going down to Earth for your vacation?â
Chuckling, God remarked, âAre you kidding? Two thousand years ago I went there, had an affair with some nice Jewish girl, and theyâre STILL talking about it!â
âYou know, I need a vacation. Got any suggestions where I should go?â
St. Peter, thinking, nodded his head, then said, âHow about Jupiter? Itâs nice and warm there this time of the year.â
God shook His head before saying, âNo, too much gravity. You know how that hurts my back.â
âHmmm,â St. Peter reflected. âWell, how about Mercury?â
âNo way!â God muttered. âItâs way too hot for me there!â
âIâve got it,â St. Peter said, his face lighting up. âHow about going down to Earth for your vacation?â
Chuckling, God remarked, âAre you kidding? Two thousand years ago I went there, had an affair with some nice Jewish girl, and theyâre STILL talking about it!â
Quote from fhl:
What's funny and boy how this has gotten around!!
This picture was drawn by a 1st Grader in a class taught by one of my daughters. The school administration was quite concerned about its content and called the home. Evidently the lady works at Home Depot and it's a picture of her selling a shovel or broom.
I admit, it does look otherwise and I had to explain to my daugher why it looked like a "profesional pole dancer" accepting tips, etc.
Wow - small world with the internet!!